AUTHOR: Jos Mous
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, I'm not making any profit out of it and so on and so forth.
RATING: PG, well, maybe NC-17, but only if you have a mind which is way too deep in the gutter.
NOTE: Extreme silliness warning! This fic may not be as silly as, say, Lord Sam, but it is rather silly. Those fortunate souls amongst you who are familiar with the series 'My Hero' may (or may not) also be familiar with the silliness that might follow.
LAVOS: "Within less than five minutes my subterranean fortress shall surface and rain destruction onto the world. And then I, LAVOS, shall rule all!"
STAREYES: "Not so fast, LAVOS!"
LAVOS: "Curses, it's STAREYES! How did you manage to penetrate my impenetrable subterranean fortress?"
STAREYES: "It was easy LAVOS. I simply crawled in through the ventilating system!"
LAVOS: "Curse my diabolic need to breathe! Even so, your presence will change nothing. Destruction will rain onto the Earth and I, LAVOS, shall rule what's left of it!"
STAREYES: "Not if I can help it, LAVOS."
LAVOS: "We shall see, STAREYES. Guards!!!"
*Insert Random Fight Scene Here*
STAREYES: "Hah! Your guards are no match for STAREYES, LAVOS."
LAVOS: "Curses! But it doesn't matter. You have only one minute left before I, LAVOS, shall rain destruction onto the surface of this planet!"
STAREYES: "We'll see about that, LAVOS."
*Insert Random STAREYES VS LAVOS fight scene here*
LAVOS: "Curses, you have beaten me! But there are only ten seconds remaining before my subterranean fortress reaches the surface and shall rain destruction onto this planet."
STAREYES: "Forget it, LAVOS! Not if I press the abort button!"
LAVOS: "You wouldn't."
*STAREYES presses really large red button that says 'ABORT'*
STAREYES: "You have lost, LAVOS."
LAVOS: "I shall get my revenge, STAREYES. Count on it!"
STAREYES: "Oh crap. I'm late."
Brooke drummed her fingers on the table. The table was empty. In front of her was a chair that was also empty. The blonde then looked at the clock and noticed that it has been fifteen minutes already. Suddenly, she felt someone pecking her on the cheek and a large amount of flowers was put in front of her.
"I am SO sorry I'm late." Sam said. "I completely lost track of time. Can you please, please, please forgive me?"
Brooke glared at her. "Sam, we tried to go out on a date four times this week now. How many times have you showed up in time?"
"Exactly my point."
"I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. Please. Whatever you say, I'll do it."
"Could you give up being a superhero for me?"
Sam looked doubtful.
"I thought so." Said Brooke. The blonde got up from her chair and gathered her things, leaving the flowers on the table. "I love you, Sam. But it's either this superhero business or me. You can't have both. Goodbye."
Sam watched the blonde leave before slamming her head on top of the table. "Stupid superhero powers." She muttered.
SAM: "Lily, are you sure this is safe?"
LILY: "Oh yeah, definitely. It's all 100% biological."
SAM: "Could you please run it by me one more time?"
LILY: "It's really no big deal, Sam. I'll just inject the genetic structure of several random, albeit predatory, animals into your system and see what's going to happen. But don't worry, no animal was harmed in the acquiring of these highly specialised genetic sequences."
SAM: "But. Isn't all of this a little. you know. over the top for a normal school project?"
LILY: "Sam, you promised me to help."
SAM: "Yeah, you're right."
LILY: "OK, great."
*Lily injects Sam*
LILY: "Oh, I should probably mention that some of these samples were collected from animals living near our local nuclear power plant. You know, the one with all those radioactive leaks."
Normally after a lover's quarrel both parties like to take some time apart from each other. This, however, was rather hard since Sam and Brooke lived in exactly the same house, got up at exactly the same time, brushed their teeth at exactly the same time, ate at exactly the same time and went to school at exactly the same time. So it's obvious that it was only a psychological time apart and not a physical time apart. This was pretty hard for Sam because, although her mind told her that Brooke was mad at her, her special Wolf Smell (she decided to put a little extra effort in renaming that particular power) smelled all of Brooke's pheromones being fired at her with deadly accuracy. In short, Sam didn't know whether she should be distant or jump Brooke's bones. So instead the brunette tried to go somewhere between the middle.
"Yeah?" Brooke asked. To normal, human ears her voice sounded non-committal, but Sam clearly heard the excitement behind it. That was good. Now if only--- Oh shit.
"Could you cover up at school for me?" Sam asked.
Brooke sighed. "What for?" She asked, now tired.
"There's an orphanage in Russia on fire."
"Can't someone else deal with it?" Brooke asked.
"I'm a superhero." Sam said. "I have to."
"OK. fine. Good luck."
Sam gave a little smile. "Thanks."
Sam arrived at school somewhere around lunchtime. This was a very convenient time since it allowed her to talk with her friends without any teachers frowning at her.
"We missed you in Chem Class today." Carmen said.
"Brooke said something about a doctor's appointment." Said Lily. "But, may I ask where you have _really_ been, STAREYES?"
"Don't say it like that, will you?" Sam asked. "Anyway, I had to go to Russia first. Orphanage on fire, easy job. Five minutes, tops. Then there was this earthquake in Japan. After that, an enormous tidal wave threatened to completely wipe out the Netherlands. And last but not least, there was a meteor heading towards South Africa."
Harrison's eyes where shining. "Wow. That is so cool."
Sam shrugged. "If you've stopped one meteor, you've stopped them all. Figuratively speaking."
Lily frowned. "I don't get it. You should've been back hours ago if that was all."
"I had to think about something."
"Oh that is so cool." Harrison said. "I wish I could do that."
"You can." Carmen pointed. "All humans can think. I think."
"Yeah, but not like Sam. 'Cuz she's like. a superhero."
"Actually I think pretty much the same things you do." Sam said. Then she reconsidered her statement. "I mean. I think I think in the same words you do, but probably not about the same things."
"I would still like to know what all this time-consuming thinking was about." Lily stated.
"Hey. Just because you created me doesn't mean you get to boss me around."
"Yes it does." Lily answered. "The Superhero Handbook clearly states that, should a superhero be created, the superhero has to listen to his/her creator unless either one of them goes insane or just evil."
"It doesn't say anything about being bossy or completely annoying, does it?" Sam asked.
"No." Lily said.
"Wow. A handbook for superheroes. I wish I could read that. It would be so. so."
"Cool?" Sam supplied.
"Man, you read my mind. You are so cool for being able to do that."
"I didn't read your mind. It was just obvious."
"Wow. Being able to see the obvious is like, so."
"Harrison, don't make me knock you unconscious. Again."
"Sam. My question is still standing."
"It was Brooke, OK?" Sam said. "I was too late for our date last night because I had to save the world again, so she got pissed and dumped me."
"Oh, I guess that explains it." Carmen said.
"Well, Brooke's been bitching to Nicole about you all day, so we figured there was something wrong between the two of you."
"Damn." Sam muttered. "I hope I'm not too late to repair things."
"Sam, from what I've heard, the only way to repair things is to give up being a superhero." Carmen said.
"That's also one of the things I've been thinking." Sam said. "And I'm going to do it."
"What?" Lily all but screamed.
"I'm giving up my superhero status." Sam said. "It's not worth losing Brooke over."
"But the Handbook."
"Screw the Handbook!" Sam yelled. "I love Brooke! And if being with her means not being a superhero, then I won't be a superhero."
"No buts Lily. I quit."
Then, all of the sudden, Sam found herself under attack. She was ready to respond with deadly force if necessary until she realised that the arms around her neck were not meant to strangle her.
"I love you Sammy." Brooke purred.
"Gee, that was quick." Sam said.
There was a polite cough from Lily. Reluctantly, Sam looked up at the girl. Lily nodded in the general direction of the cafeteria around them. Looking around, Sam noticed that everybody was staring at her. And she could also clearly hear the word 'superhero' being whispered way too often.
Sam grinned sheepishly. "Whoops."
"Great job Sam." Lily said. "Now you'll have to erase their memories. Again."
It was somewhere in the evening. Sam and Brooke were lounging on a couch in front of the TV. There was lots of snuggling, smiling and kissing and very little actual TV-watching.
"See how nice not being a superhero can be?" Brooke asked.
"Well. I still have all my powers." Sam said.
"You're not looking through my clothes, are you?"
"Brooke, I don't have X-Ray vision."
"Oh." Brooke said. "Pity."
"On the other hand, I do smell all kinds of interesting scents coming from you." Sam said.
"And do they tell you anything?"
"Well if I'm not mistaken, your intentions with me for tonight are less than honourable."
Brooke smiled. "You got that right." She said, before kissing the brunette again.
TV: "We interrupt this broadcast for a special news bulletin."
"Ignore it." Brooke whispered.
"Ignore what?" Sam asked.
TV: "I am standing here, in Washington DC, where a madman called LAVOS is threatening to blow up the White House."
"I never really liked it anyway." Sam said. "It could use some renovation."
"Absolutely." Brooke agreed.
TV: "The madman in question has agreed to not blow up the White House only if STAREYES comes to stop him."
"Too bad she's gone, right?" Sam said.
"I don't think I'll miss her." Brooke said.
TV: "Not only is this LAVOS threatening to destroy the White House, he is also intending to reveal the name of the STAREYES' boyfriend to the tabloids."
Brooke froze. "What?"
"Ignore it. It doesn't matter."
"Doesn't matter? Sam, you don't have a boyfriend, remember? Or is there something you're not telling me?"
Sam sighed. That was one make-out session that was firmly over. "Brooke, you know you're the only person I love."
"Lavos doesn't think so."
"Lavos is an idiot."
"Even idiots can know things."
"Well what do you want me to do? Beat him up and tell the world I'm gay?"
"But then I'd have to be StarEyes again."
Brooke was silent. Then she made a decision.
"Sam, it's time for you to be StarEyes again."
"Sam, the world needs you and I for one am not going to deprive the world of you."
Sam pouted. "Promise you won't dump me again?"
"Seal it with a kiss?"
What followed wasn't so much as a kiss, but more of a soft-core porn movie without nudity. After the sealing of the promise had ended in a very satisfactory result for the two girls Sam left. Brooke decided to watch some TV while she waited for Sam to come back home.
TV: "We report to you live from Washington DC where STAREYES has just showed up and saved the day. And here she is now, ladies and gentlemen. STAREYES, can I ask you a few questions?"
STAREYES (on TV): "Of course, good citizen."
TV: "Can I ask you how it feels to have just saved the White House and, in doing so, saved that universal symbol of peace, prosperity, freedom and the American Way Of Life?"
STAREYES: "I feel pretty much nothing, good citizen. In fact, I couldn't care less about it."
TV: "Oh. But surely you must be proud to be defending the American Way, right?"
STAREYES: "It is my job to protect the innocent. And occasionally American political figures as well when I'm not doing anything else and am feeling rather bored."
TV: "But then. why did you come to save the White House?"
STAREYES: "I didn't. I just beat the crap out of LAVOS for saying that I have a boyfriend."
TV: "You wish to protect your boyfriend's identity so that he would not be harassed by thousands of tabloid reporters?"
STAREYES: "No. It's just that I don't have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend. And I love her very much."
TV: "Ah. So you weren't interested in saving the White House at all?"
STAREYES: "For the last time, good citizen, I don't care about that. But I care about my girlfriend and that is why I am here."
TV: "Err. well. yes. right. well. Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard it here first, STAREYES has come to save the White House and protect us all. I am Kent Brown, back to the studio."
STAREYES: "Forget the studio!"
*STAREYES jams the signal with one of her powers, making it impossible to go back to the studio. Then she looks straight into the camera*
STAREYES: "Citizens of America, you have seen it here first. I, STAREYES, am totally and completely in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. And anyone saying otherwise will be kicked into a small bloody pulp by me, get it? Oh and honey, if you're watching this: I love you. Back to you Kent."
TV: "And now. back to the studio. I hope."
Sam sat down next to Brooke on the couch.
"How was I?" Sam asked.
"You were brilliant." Brooke answered.
"You're just saying that because you love me."
"Of course I do."
"There's an avalanche in France."
"But I'll stay if you want me to."
"No, that's OK. Even though it's very hard for me to believe right now, there are people out there who need you more than I do."
"I love you."
"I love you too. But you really have to go now."
"Don't worry. Colonel Eagle is already taking care of it. I was just testing you."
"But France isn't in America." Brooke pointed out.
"The colours of the French flag are red, white and blue. He won't notice the difference."
Brooke grinned. "Maybe we should find the channel where they show him saving all those French people and then hear him say it was to protect the ways of Our Great American Nation."
"We could do that." Sam agreed. "Or, we could call it a night and relocate to the bedroom."
Brooke pondered this for one entire nanosecond. "Bedroom."
And so the night passed with two girls in one bedroom. Any descriptions of what transpired in that bedroom are not suitable to mention right now. However, there was one tiny event that could spark some interest as we are slowly approaching the end. The fact that there was a small earthquake in Santa Monica. The peculiar about this earthquake, however, was that it was at exactly the same time when a certain girl with brown hair cried out the name of a certain girl with blonde hair.
|Jos Mous||Popular||Main Index|