TITLE: Slytherin Valentine

AUTHOR: Jos Mous

Email: wotan_anubis@yahoo.com

DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, I’m not making any profit, blahblahblah

PAIRING: Draco/???; Hermione/Ginny


NOTE: A failed response to the February challenge, since I didn’t manage to include all the required elements and because Draco Malfoy is the main character here. Still… I hope you all enjoy.

As the name implied, the Slytherin Dungeon was located under ground level, in the cellars of Hogswarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. However, some time in the past some old coot who had thought that he was a friendly old chap believed that total darkness wasn’t a very good place for children to spend most of their time, so he had installed a window that magically looked out onto the school grounds.

As Draco Malfoy woke up this fine morning he tried to ignore the window as best he could. There were a lot of things he wanted to do and looking out the window most certainly was not one of them. But still, he simply had to know for certain if today was going to be Hell or not.

Draco slowly, reluctantly, walked over to the window and looked out.

He didn’t see the Forbidden Forest on fire.

He didn’t see the scarred corpses of a thousand mudbloods.

He didn’t see Harry Potter’s head on a pike.


Armageddon hadn’t broken out then.

Instead, what he saw was Hagrid wrestling with some of those critters of his and a clear blue sky where the words “Happy Valentine’s Day to All The Students of Hogwarts” were written in pink.


Draco’s prayers once again hadn’t been answered.

Well… maybe if he actually started believing in something that might’ve changed things somewhat. But actually believing in something greater would immediately imply that the Malfoy family weren’t the greatest in all creation and something in Draco’s soul rebelled against that idea. Not even Voldemort was as great as the Malfoy family. After all, Voldemort was just one single wizard, as powerful as he might be, but the Malfoys had been around forever.

Draco glared at the window one last time, then threw on his robe and left the dungeon.


As the Malfoy heir walked through the Hogwarts corridors towards the Grand Hall, he became more and more annoyed with the behaviour of his peers. True, Valentine’s Day was on a Saturday this year and true, the faculty had decided that students were, for this special occasion, to be allowed to do pretty much anything. Draco quite resented the fact that the students had chosen now of all times to actually listen to the faculty.

“Duck!” shouted someone.

Draco looked up and saw a rather fat, winged baby aiming an arrow at him. Draco’s body reacted on pure instinct and fell onto the ground as an arrow zoomed over his head. The fat baby giggled and flew away. Draco struggled upright again.

“What the Hell was that?” he demanded to know.

The student who had shouted the warning, a Hufflepuff by the looks of him, smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I tried to transfigure a magpie into a… well, a cupid, really. I still have to work out the kinks.”

“I’d say you succeeded marvellously,” Draco said coldly. “But next time, do us all a favour and let him shoot at you, hmm?”

Draco pushed past the boy, ignoring any further apologies that might be forthcoming. The fact that there weren’t any didn’t stop him from ignoring them all the same.

Draco sighed with relief when he saw the doors to the Grand Hall looming up in front of him. The corridors had been one big display of madness after the other and the Slytherin didn’t know how much more he could take. He hastened his pace somewhat until suddenly and out of the blue some girl jumped in front of him, shouted “Happy Valentine’s Day!” into his face and thrust something in his hands before merrily prancing away again. Draco looked at the object in his hands. It was a small pack of Berty Bott’s Every Flavour Beans - Valentine’s Special. He threw the thing away in disgust. Last year he had come across a bean that tasted like a heart. He was still hoping that it had been a cow’s heart or a pig’s heart and not a real human heart.


Draco entered the Grand Hall and was immediately faced with yet another display of grotesque cuteness. The Granger mudblood and the Weasley girl were sharing a chair and the mudblood was very carefully feeding that anorexic twig chocolates from a heart-shaped box. Draco felt a snappy comment forming in his mind, but decided not to say it out loud. The Granger mudblood always took his or anyone else’s insults in stride, but she was very… protective of her girlfriend. If anyone even looked at her in the wrong way… well… let’s just say that being transfigured into a ferret and bounced all around a room was a very happy memory in comparison. Of course, Granger was a mudblood and, as such, inferior to him. It was just really that, at this present time and place, the girl happened to know one or two spells more than he did. But, eventually, his superior Malfoy blood would shine through and then he’d give that snooty upstart everything she deserved and more.

Grinning to himself, Draco sat down at the Slytherin table, far, far away from Granger in case the girl even suspected that he had thought something bad about her girlfriend, and it was only then that he noticed that Lee Jordan’s voice was echoing all through the chamber.

“… And now a special request from Lavender to her darling Parvati, this is… err… T-dot-a-dot-t-dot-u… err… (that’s right isn’t it? Yes? OK then)… So! This is… them… with “All The Things She Said”… From Lavender to Parvati, mind.”

Draco frowned. This was by far the worst announcement ever. As the music started filtering through the chamber he noticed something very odd about it. This wasn’t proper music. This was… this was…

A cold certainty dawned on Draco.

This was Muggle music.

Muggle music!

This was simply outrageous! Allowing mudbloods on the school was one thing (admittedly, one very large thing), but Muggle music…

But then again, what could one expect with a principal like Dumbledore? If there would be Muggles attending this school next year, Draco wouldn’t be surprised. The old nutcase was running this place into the ground.

Draco decided to ignore the obnoxious music and, most of all, decided to ignore that his foot was tapping along with the beat. Instead, he focused on the plate in front of him. It was heart-shaped. Well, that was to be expected. But the fact that his knife and fork were heart-shaped as well really angered Draco even more, if that was possible. He felt like stabbing himself with the heart-shaped knife, but decided not to since he didn’t want to give Potter the satisfaction.

There was, however, one small glimmer of light in this entire situation. Looking around, Draco noticed that he wasn’t the only one having to fend off all that Valentine nonsense. For over at the Headmaster’s table, Professor Snape was quite desperately trying to fend off a very insistent Madam Pomfrey. Even though Snape was his favourite teacher, Draco couldn’t help but smile a little. At least there was someone worse of than he was.

Draco gathered some food, ignoring the heart-shape of everything and started on his breakfast.


Meanwhile, over at the Gryffindor table…

“Well, Draco seems to be in a poor mood today,” Harry remarked. “Poorer than usual,” he added.

“Draco’s always in a poor mood on Valentine’s Day,” Hermione said. “It’s like he goes out of his way to be twice as nasty.”

“Except to me, for some reason,” said Ginny. “He always tries to be nice to me. It’s… disturbing.”

Hermione coughed. “Really? That’s interesting,” she said innocently.

Harry looked up. “Mail’s arriving.”

Ginny and Hermione looked up as well.

“Does that look like a Valentine’s card to you?” Ginny asked.

“Looks like,” said Hermione.

The owl dropped the card onto Draco’s plate. The Slytherin picked it up with disinterest.

“In five seconds, he’s going to giggle and in five more he’s going to look distressed and run out of the room,” Hermione predicted.

“No, it’ll take him three seconds to giggle and another six to remember he hasn’t bought a Valentine’s present yet,” said Harry.

Five seconds later, Draco giggled.

“Hah,” said Hermione.

“Lucky guess,” Harry said.

Another five seconds later, Draco stood up from his chair and ran out of the chamber.

“That was another lucky guess,” Harry said.

Hermione merely smiled haughtily.

“You know,” Ginny started slowly. “I wonder who Draco’s lover really is. I mean, we never see him with anyone else.”

“Well, if it’s not Cho, it doesn’t really matter to me,” said Harry.

“You’re not still pining after her, are you?” Hermione asked.

“I’ll pine for as long as I want, thank you very much. Anyway, who do you think it is?”

“Goyle, obviously,” Hermione said.

Goyle?” Harry asked. “Hermione, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean the rest of the world is too.”

“Who said anything about gay?” Hermione said. “He could also be bisexual.”

“He could also be straight.”

“Really?” said Hermione. “I must admit, that’s a thought that has never crossed my mind.”

“Hey, Ron, who do you think it is?” Harry asked.

Three heads swivelled to look at Ron. Ron himself was meticulously studying his plate. A blush was slowly starting to spread across his face.

“Oh, I… err… I wouldn’t know really.”

“Oh,” said Harry, disappointed.

The three then ignored Ron and continued their argument about who could be Draco’s mystery lover. Ron, meanwhile, looked at the doors out onto the hallway.

Two times five seconds.

That meant that tonight there would be a brand new robe for him to wear for the annual Valentine’s Ball with a small card that only said “D”.

Ron smiled.

It was turning out to be a very good Valentine’s Day after all.

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