TITLE: Salvage Operation

Email: wotan_anubis@yahoo.com

AUTHOR: Jos Mous

DISCLAIMER: Still not owning these characters, still not making a profit.



NOTE: Still based on the short D.E.B.S. film. I don't really have anything else to say, except, perhaps, that the Lucy/Amy dynamic is wonderfully suited for really strange dialogue. And I tend to like really strange dialogue. Oh and to those of you who know a bit about videogame culture and whatnot, I apologise. I really, sincerely do. I just couldn't resist.

Amy was bored. This would've surprised anyone who didn't know much about her career, but to Amy, being chained up by some super-villain and then hearing him monologue about how much he was going to take over the world was all in a day's work for her.

And unfortunately, this particular super-villain wasn't even very original.

"And then, once I've crushed Liechtenstein, I'll obliterate Andorra. Then, once Andorra is anihilated, I'll wipe..."


Self-styled super-villain Steel Balloon turned around. "What?" he snapped. "Can't you see I'm interrogating a prisoner?"

Amy rolled her eyes. This was interrogation? Good Lord.

"Yes, sir," said the minion. "Sorry sir. It's just that, the perimeter's been breached, sir, and several of our security posts aren't responding. Sir."

Steel Balloon turned one reddened eye at Amy. "So, your little D.E.B.S. friends think they can save you, eh?" he said. "Launch the Zigs!"

The minion winced. "Yes, sir. Launching all Zigs, sir."

"Ha! Your friends have obviously deluded themselves into thinking they can beat me, but I, Steel Ba-"

Before Steel Balloon could finish his sentence, the door blew inward, knocking out two minions. A slightly female-shaped blur rolled into the command room, ended in a kneeling position, then fired twice, causing two more minions to fall to the floor with feathered darts sticking out of their chests. Steel Balloon snarled. Amy was just relieved that the boredom would soon be over.

Then the woman rose.

"Lucy?" Amy said.

Steel Balloon glanced at her. "You sound surprised. Well, you'll sound even more surprised once I've-"

Lucy shot once and Steel Balloon folded up onto the floor.

"Lucy, what are you doing here?" Amy asked. "I mean, not that I don't want you here, but..."

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?"

Amy became aware that the temperature was dropping fast. "What am I doing here? I've been kidnapped."

"So! You admit it," Lucy said angrily.

"Did I miss something here?"

"I breeze into the States again to spend some quality time with my girlfriend, and what do I find out? That you've been kidnapped already. By... by that no less."

"Yes, but, I didn't mean to get kidnapped," said Amy. "It just sort of happened."

"Just sort of happened?" Lucy yelled. "Kidnappings don't just sort of happen. They're planned. I know all about that, at least."

"Yes, but..."

"No buts, Amy," said Lucy. "I don't want to hear another peep out of you, you hear. I'm gone for just a little moment, and already you hooked up with some... some guy."

"Actually, he hooked me up," said Amy.

Lucy shook her head. "I can't stand to look at you any more. We're through."

Lucy turned around, shot Steel Balloon once more for good measure, and left.

Amy didn't shout after her. It wouldn't have made any difference.


The D.E.B.S. were celebrating another job well done. OK, granted, once they'd infiltrated Steel Balloon's lair everybody had been unconscious and any and all diabolical schemes had obviously been thwarted, but so what? The guys in charge had thought the D.E.B.S. had done all the good work and had commended them for it, so the D.E.B.S. felt they should celebrate.

Except Amy.

While around her Janet was drinking her milk and looking at everybody's latest fashion, Max was dancing on the dance-floor and Dominique had sneaked off with a guy already, Amy just sat and stared moodily at her drink.

It was non-alcoholic, which didn't do anything to improve her mood.

Flowers, perhaps. Maybe a box of chocolates.

No. Of course not. Stupid ideas.

Amy's moody stare intensified.


Lucy glared at the minions loading up her trucks. It wasn't much of a glare, or at least, not by her standards. She normally had a glare that could fry an egg. This glare couldn't even take the frying pan out of the cupboard.

One of the minions walked up to her and saluted.

"Everything's been packed up, ma'am."

"Good," said Lucy, not sounding nearly as forceful as she'd have liked.

"Permission to ask a question, ma'am?"

"Sure," said Lucy.

The minion winced. If mistress Lucy was willing to answer a question without the threat of violence, something must really be wrong.

"We were just wondering why we're leaving already," said the minion.

"Oh," said Lucy.

"Well...?" said the minion.

"Personal. Reasons," said Lucy.

The minion saluted smartly. "Yes ma'am."

"Get the trucks going, will you? We'll meet up at the rendezvous point."


Lucy waited until the trucks were out of sight before turning around and walking towards her own private little airfield where her own private little jet was waiting for her.

Lucy was so lost in thought that she didn't notice she wasn't alone until someone put a cloth over her face.


Lucy emerged from the dark world of unconsciousness into a world of consciousness that wasn't much brighter. She tried to move, but wasn't very surprised to find that she couldn't. She became aware she was more or less standing against a wall, her wrists chained together somewhere above her head. A few experimental pulls told her that her ankles had been chained to the wall as well.

In Lucy's professional opinion, this was a bit of overkill.

The door to the cell opened, revealing an unrevealing silhouette. It flipped a switch and the lights went on. Once the painful white glare in Lucy's eyes died away, she saw that her captor was Amy.

"What?" Lucy said.

"Not even an hello?"

"Why should I?"

Amy stepped close to Lucy. Uncomfortably close. Wonderfully close.

With one quick movement, Amy put her hands on Lucy's cheeks and kissed her.

It was a great kiss, one that made Lucy tingly all over, the kind of kiss that was almost better than really bad sex. For one fleeting little moment, Lucy had forgotten that she was supposed to be mad at Amy.

The fleeting little moment didn't last long, however.

"What. The hell," said Lucy.

"I love you," said Amy.

Lucy tried not to shiver with delight. "Why did you kidnap me?" she spat.

"Because I love you."

"Well, too bad," said Lucy. "You should've thought of that earlier. Before you let yourself get kidnapped."

"Like you let me kidnap you, you mean?"

"Don't change the subject," said Lucy.

"It didn't mean anything, Lucy, I swear. I love you."

"Stop saying that!" Lucy yelled.

"I. Love. You," said Amy calmly.

She kissed Lucy again. The fleeting little moment lasted a lot longer this time.

"I hate you," Lucy said, her voice small and frail.

"Well, I love you," Amy said, brushing a stray lock of Lucy's hair away. "And I'll do anything to prove it. I mean, when you get kidnapped you don't have much of a choice. But I've got a choice now."

Amy knelt on the stone floor.

"Lucy, will you move in with me?"

Lucy blinked. And most definitely not because there were tears in her eyes, because there were definitely no tears in her eyes.


"Mo-move in with you?"

"I know we only ever just talked about it and that there're bound to be problems what you being a super-villain and me being a secret agent and everything, but I... I think we can make it work."

"But what about your friends?"

"Dominique doesn't care, Janet'll be happy, because she's... always happy and Max... I think Max'll be alright. Eventually."

"Are you... are you sure about this? I mean, really, really sure?"

"Yes," said Amy.

"Oh, sweetie..."

Amy kissed Lucy once more. Lucy wasn't really sure how long it lasted. Two centuries, maybe? Five minutes, perhaps?

Well, who cared about the duration? A kiss like this could never last long enough.

"OK, I- I think you can unchain me now," said Lucy.

"Oh, right," said Amy.

Less than a minute later, Lucy was standing on the stone floor, massaging some life back into her wrists and hands. A small, yet significant part of her was kind of sad she was now theoretically capable of walking away from Amy. The rest of her, however, was just happy that she could embrace Amy tightly and kiss her.

Which was exactly what Lucy did.

"OK, not that this isn't really, terribly, wonderfully nice," said Amy, eventually. "But, how's about we should start, you know, making arrangements."

"What arrangements?" said Lucy, kissing Amy again.

"Like, moving your stuff in," said Amy, dodging Lucy's lips with a slightly regretful look.

"Oh," said Lucy. "Right."

Amy frowned. "Something wrong?"

"Well, what with our talk and me being unconscious, I think I missed my rendezvous, which probably means..."

"Means...? Means what?"

Lucy smiled. "Well, let's put it like this: how would you like to take a vacation to Egypt?"


Jos Mous

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