AUTHOR: Jos Mous
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, I'm not making any profit out of this, blahblahblah.
RATING: R… NC-17 if you're really sensitive.
PAIRING: Saying it now would spoil what little surprise there can be.
NOTE: Another random idea of mine. Let's see how long I can keep this one up. Or maybe I can keep it like this very short, slightly depressing one-shot. We'll see.
Sam stood in perfect darkness. In front of her was the door to her bedroom. Behind her was her bed. In the door was a lock and in the lock was a key. Sam grabbed the key, then let it go again. She quickly glanced at the door to the bathroom. The door on Brooke's side had been locked already, so no problems there. Sam looked back at her bedroom door and the key that stuck out of it defiantly. She glanced at the clock. It was three minutes until midnight. Looking back, the key was still there. Sam reached out again, grabbed it and hated herself when she pulled it out of the lock. She walked over to her desk, opened a drawer and dropped the key into it. She then quickly went back to bed and waited.
A few minutes later the door opened and Brooke walked into room. Seconds later, she slipped under the covers and kissed Sam.
Sam kissed back.
Brooke reached down with one hand and Sam felt her body starting to respond.
Tomorrow, Sam thought. I will lock both doors tomorrow.
There were many, many ways to describe the food served in the Kennedy High cafeteria, but "tasty" wasn't one of them. Because of that, nobody really noticed the fact that Sam was just pushing around the food on her plate with a little plastic fork instead of actually eating some of it.
"You know what really gets to me?" Lily said in a tone of voice that predicted that another sermon was coming and there wasn't a force in the world that was going to stop it.
"What?" asked Harrison, deciding to get the inevitable over with as quickly as possible.
"The treatment of bacteria in research laboratories," said Lily.
Sam looked up from her still untouched food and noticed that Carmen and Harrison were just as surprised by the statement as she was.
"Pardon?" said Carmen.
"No, think about it," said Lily. "They are put into stoves, manipulated, put into hostile environments and now their DNA gets cut up to see if something interesting happens. That's cruelty if I ever saw it. And the worst part is, that they have no way of showing their agony."
"Err… Lily… they're single-cellular organism. I don't think they can feel anything," said Harrison carefully.
"Oh they can't, can they?" Lily huffed angrily. "Well let me tell you something, mister I'm-so-superior-just-because-I'm-made-up-of-a-few-billion-cells…"
Sam looked back at her plate. The food was still looking tasteless and Sam still felt that she wouldn't be able to swallow even one bite. The only positive about this was that Lily's angry rant didn't manage to register in her brains.
Sam looked up from her plate and over to the popular table. Brooke was sitting there, smiling, laughing, tilting her head ever so slightly, raking her hand through her hair. And then she spontaneously kissed Josh after he made some flattering remark.
Sam looked back at her plate, ignoring the debate at her table and hating herself for loving Brooke.
NOTE: One of my biggest faults is probably my inability to prolong something if I've already said what I wanted to say. Take this part, for example. For this part I had a few things I wanted said before moving on to the next part of the story (so to speak). Unfortunately, saying those things didn't take a lot of time, so this part is once again very short. My apologies.
Sam exited the small Novak stall and thought about making a beeline for the exit. She quickly scolded herself for that thought and, almost angrily, walked over to the sink to wash her hands.
"Hello Sam," said Brooke, who was busy touching up her make-up.
"Brooke," said Sam, looking at the faucet.
"Everything OK?" Brooke asked.
"Fine," said Sam.
"Then I'd hate to see you on a bad day," Brooke said smiling.
Sam gave a half-hearted smile back.
"Anyway, can I ask a small favour of you?"
"Could you tell mom I'll be late for dinner?"
Brooke smiled brightly. "Josh asked me out."
Sam stared back at the faucet. "Good for you."
Brooke looked at herself critically in the mirror, decided that all was well and put away her make-up. Sam, meanwhile continued scrubbing. As the blonde was about to leave through the door the brunette looked at her via the mirror.
Brooke turned around. "Yeah?"
Sam opened her mouth to say something, but found she couldn't. "Nothing," she said. "Have fun with Josh."
Brooke nodded, still smiling, then left the Novak. Sam looked down at the sink again and for a brief moment wondered if it was cold water that numbed the skin or warm.
Sam took a moment to spit out a mixture of saliva and toothpaste and took this opportunity to ask a question she didn't want to know the answer to.
"So how was your date?"
"Oh it was great," said Brooke enthusiastically. "Apparently he's been saving up or something, 'cause first he took me to the mall to buy a dress for me. I mean, he was so sweet then, saying that money didn't matter and anything."
"Nice dress then I take it?"
"Perfect dress. Right shape, right size, the perfect colour, everything. I'm telling you, I'll be saving that one for the Prom."
"I take it you'll be going with Josh."
"Of course," said Brooke matter-of-factly. "Who else?"
"Who else?", she says, thought Sam. Is she really that blind?
"Sam, you OK?"
"You zoned out for a sec."
"I was just thinking."
"Oh," said Brooke. Then she smiled. "Anyway, after that dress, Josh took me…"
Sam zoned out and stared at the mirror. She already heard the Josh-is-oh-so-perfect-speech too many times. Josh was thoughtful, attentive, always with the right compliment at the right time, a true gentlemen, a stimulating conversation partner and exactly attuned to Brooke in bed. Yes, Josh truly was prefect. And Brooke never tired of telling her that.
Sam stared at the mirror and was mildly surprised at what she felt. She had expected to be angry or sad or simply clinically depressed.
Instead, she felt nothing.
With each little word or act or gesture, Brooke destroyed another part of her and the blonde didn't even seem to notice.
Sam felt herself enveloped in alien warmth and saw in the mirror that Brooke had decided to hug her.
"What are you thinking?" the blonde asked.
"Hmm," said Brooke and Sam wondered if she had even heard the reply. "Well, I hope I haven't tired you with my recollection of today, since I have plans for us tonight and I'd be disappointed if you fell asleep on me."
"Oh," said Sam blankly.
Brooke hugged Sam tighter for a second, gave her a kiss on the cheek, then left for her room. Sam didn't look at her, but remained staring at the mirror instead. She already felt her body tingling with anticipation. She sighed as the harsh reality of the situation hit her.
She wouldn't be able to lock the doors tonight.
But that wasn't the worst part.
The worst part was the fact that she almost didn't care any more.
Sam sat on the plush red Novak couch to think. A few short minutes ago she had left the cafeteria after having watched another grand display of Brooke and Josh being all cute and mushy with each other. Normally, that hurt. And it still hurt.
The hurt was fading. The anger was fading. Sadness was fading. Every single emotion Sam had was slowly, but surely disappearing.
And Sam wanted to know why, so she tried to rationally review everything that had happened to get her where she was now.
First, of course, she had been a willing helper of Brooke's cheating on Josh. So, there went all her ethical and moral values. Brooke would only come to her room at night just to fuck and barely acknowledged her existence during the day, which was the end of her dignity. After all that, she still had to listen to Brooke rant on about how bloody wonderful Josh was, leaving very little of Sam's self-esteem.
But why was she starting to be so apathetic about it?
Because, thought a small, unpleasant voice in Sam's head, I am starting to accept it all.
Sam sat on the Novak couch, doing nothing except breathing until she had fully realised its meaning.
So this is my role in life? Sam asked herself. Nothing except Brooke's fucktoy?
Sam thought about it some more and realised it was true. Brooke owned her, to use and discard her whenever she wanted. And the only reason why Sam hadn't seen this fate closing in on her was because she loved her.
The door to the Novak opened.
"Hey Sam," said Brooke.
Sam didn't hear her.
Brooke sat down on the couch next to Sam.
"You know, since Mr. Bennett is ill and all, we have a free period…"
The blonde placed a hand on the brunette's kneecap and moved it up her thigh.
"I thought we could… you know…"
Brooke kissed Sam on the cheek, still moving her hand up and down her thigh and moving even closer to the brunette.
A fire erupted in Sam. But for once it wasn't between her legs. It burned across the tattered remnants of her soul and spelled one single word.
Sam stood up.
Brooke stood up as well, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Sam, are you all right?"
Sam's mouth started talking before her mind managed to catch up with recent events. "We're through Brooke," she said calmly.
"What?" Brooke said, confusion obvious in her voice.
Sam turned around and looked at Brooke for the first time since the blonde entered the Novak.
"We're through. I'm not doing this any more."
"But… I thought you wanted to."
"That's right," said Sam. "Wanted. As in, used to want."
"But…" Brooke reached out with her hand, to touch Sam's cheek.
Sam quickly stepped back and out of reach, knowing that Brooke were to touch her now, the fire would cease to burn.
"Don't touch me, Brooke," Sam said. "You've done that enough already."
"But Sam, why?"
Sam chuckled. "Why? You ask me why? Can't you figure that out for yourself?"
"Sam, I… I thought we agreed to keep it secret."
"Yeah, I kept telling myself that as well," Sam said. "We can't hold hands in public, that makes sense. Sure, you can still date Josh, so no-one will get suspicious. Fine, you go out with him to make it all even more believable. So, you get to have both Josh and me without a hitch. And what do _I_ get in all of this? I just get screwed in more ways than one! And I'm sick of it!" Then, for no apparent reason, Sam laughed. "And I love you. Even after all the CRAP you're putting me through, I still love you." The laughing subsides and Sam regained her calmness. But only on the outside. "But you, Brooke McQueen, obviously don't love me or you would've seen what's been happening with me. And I'm through with it. I'm through with your little games and I'm through with you."
Sam walked towards the exit, opened the door, paused, and turned around.
"You know Brooke, I think I should be happy you tried to use this spare hour to your advantage. If you hadn't I might've been dead right about now. Funny how things work, don't they?"
Sam left, closing the door behind her. Brooke sank down onto the couch, her mind still trying to comprehend the seemingly incomprehensible.
Sam was gone.
She had her and now she was gone.
And it was all her fault.
Or was it?
After all, what could Sam possibly hope to expect? This was the real world after all. You don't go out and about proclaiming your sexuality if your a school-going teenager. At least not if you cling any importance to little things like, say, breathing.
Sam had to want more.
She apparently had some ideal view of the world and when the world didn't turn out to be that ideal she put the blame on her.
Well, who needs her anyway? Brooke thought angrily. I still have Josh. And he's a hundred times better than Sam could ever hope to be!
And a small voice said, Is he?
Josh had chosen the movie. It hadn't been a particularly romantic choice. Although Brooke did not really mind looking at pumped-up bundles of testosterone blasting each other apart with high-powered rifles, it also wasn't exactly her ideal choice for a date. But she had told Josh that he was allowed to pick any movie he wanted and he wanted this one, so blood and gore it was.
Brooke looked at the rows in front of her and, even though it was pretty dark, managed to see that most visitors here were male. All of them more or less in her age bracket. She looked at Josh and saw that he was watching the silver screen with untold fascination.
Brooke yawned and looked back at the screen just in time to see an explosion. A few men flew through the air, one ran around burning and three more seemed to be missing several appendages.
Boooooring, Brooke thought. God, how long is this flick going to take?
Brooke looked at her watch and noticed that was half past ten. This was good. She would just need to get through the movie without dying of boredom, politely take her leave from Josh, then race home. And then all she needed to do was maybe wait a few small hours more until…
But she couldn't, could she?
Sam had plainly stated that it was over.
Maybe go to Josh' house then.
Brooke looked at Josh, who still noticed nothing but the large screen.
No, not to Josh' place.
It wasn't that they weren't compatible. They were compatible. Highly compatible even. Which was the whole problem. Man and woman were made compatible, so it always boiled down to inserting item A into slot B and move around a bit. The problem that Josh, being equipped with item A, tended to simply stick it into slot B and that was that. Brooke had repeatedly tried to get him to do something other that the horrendous standard, but those attempts had never been really successful. In short, when it came to matters of the bedroom, Josh was rather single-minded and clumsy, which was not in any way a winning combination.
Now Sam, on the other hand, she wasn't compatible with her in the strict evolutionary sense of the word. So, they had to improvise somewhat. They had to try things. And between a few failed attempts, there had also been a few winners.
Quite a few winners, actually.
OK, so Sam's better in bed than Josh, thought Brooke. Big deal. A relationship isn't based on sex. And with Sam, that was all it was. Sex. Nothing more. And, OK, it was nice, but that's all. Nice. It was just something that I couldn't get with Josh. I just did what I did so that I wouldn't do something stupid like break up with Josh over bad sex. Which just goes to show that I really love him.
Brooke, having reached this logical conclusion, started watching the screen again.
But for some reason, something did feel quite right.
She felt a tad guilty for some reason.
Almost as if she'd just been lying to someone.
Which was utterly ridiculous, of course.
"Well, we're here."
"What? Don't I get a goodnight kiss?"
"Of course you do."
"That was more of a peck."
"Sorry. I'm just… I'm real tired."
"Well then, you should go to bed."
"I was planning to."
"And maybe, with your parents out of town, I could go to bed too."
The door closed with an impolite slam. Leaning against it, Brooke took a few deep breaths to calm down a racing pulse. She could faintly hear the sound of an engine coming to life outside and assumed that was Josh leaving. She hung up her coat and quietly walked up the stairs. When she reached Sam's door she hesitated. Biting her lower lip, she wondered if maybe Sam had changed her mind.
Brooke tried the handle and found it locked.
She knocked on the door.
"Sam? Sam, are you asleep?"
There was no response. Brooke contemplated trying the handle again, but didn't think it would be magically unlocked all of the sudden. She tried it all the same, just to be sure.
Disappointed, she headed for her room. Once inside she walked over to the door to the bathroom and was surprised to find that one locked as well. She wondered why Sam would want to prevent her from brushing her teeth. Then she realised that the brunette had wanted to prevent going through her bedroom using the bathroom.
Brooke huffed. Just what did Sam think of her anyway?
Brooke undressed, pulled a night-shirt over her head and got into bed. She closed her eyes and relaxed in preparation for falling asleep. That is, she tried to relax. In fact, she found herself very much awake and rather excited. Brooke looked up at the red numbers on the alarm clock. It was already somewhere around midnight.
Pavlovian response, Brooke reasoned. Midnight meant sex, so my body automatically prepares itself when midnight approaches. I'm sure I'll grow out of it soon enough. Of course, that doesn't exactly help in the short term.
Brooke lay staring at the ceiling, her body screaming for attention. With a resigned sigh, Brooke closed her eyes and let the fingers of her right hand wander down her panties. If this was what it took to fall asleep, then so be it.
The door to Brooke's room opened and Josh entered, stark naked, his member fully erect. Brooke motioned for him to come to the bed and Josh, naturally, eagerly complied. Without saying anything, Josh lay down on top of her and penetrated her. Smiling, Brooke closed her eyes and let Josh work her body. He placed gently kisses here and there while he continued pumping in and out of Brooke. The blonde moaned softly, enjoying the sensations.
Brooke opened her eyes and saw Sam smiling at her. Sam said nothing else, but simply kissed her. Brooke flung her arms around Sam and pulled the girl closer, wanting her body to touch as much of Sam's as possible. Sam continued placing gentle kisses here and there whilst her fingers were moving in and out of Brooke at one moment and almost teasingly circling her clit the other. Brooke's steady breathing became heavier and decidedly less heavy as Sam slowly but surely brought her closer.
Brooke lay alone in the calm afterglow. Slowly, coherent thought started trickling back into her mind.
That wasn't a fantasy about Josh, said one thought.
Wait, did I just say Sam's name when I...? asked another.
God, I want Sam, said one.
NO! I do _not_ want Sam, Brooke quickly made sure she thought.
Definitely not, she added.
Josh is a much better...
I want sleep.
Sleep is good.
Brooke turned onto her side, pulled up the blanket some more and closed her eyes, willing herself to go to sleep so that she wouldn't have any more disturbing thoughts.
Unfortunately for her, it didn't work.
Author's Note: I am so not happy with this ending. Personally, I think it's a cheap cop-out. But unfortunately, I couldn't think of something better.
It was a widespread belief amongst the Kennedy High populace that eating actual cafeteria food was about as healthy for you as tapping a large skeleton dressed in black and carrying a scythe on the shoulder and asking "Hey, think you got room for one more?". It was therefore that those few who actually ate cafeteria food were considered to be either very, very brave or very, very stupid.
Brooke, on the other hand, considered herself to be pretty bright so she had an orange for lunch that she had brought with her from home. It may not have been the heroic thing to do, but it sure was the smart thing to do. While she was dissecting and devouring the orange she was also quite busy ignoring the outside world, so she didn't notice anything of the conversation around her until she heard Nicole saying her name rather harshly.
"What?" Brooke asked.
"Spam," Nicole said, making a quick, disapproving nod towards the unpopular table. "Did you know she's a dyke?"
"What!?" Brooke all but yelled.
Nicole raised an eyebrow. "I take it then you haven't noticed. Lucky you. With the way she's fawning over Carmen I'd half expect her to have made a move on you by now."
"She's what!?" Brooke screamed, secretly happy to have been able extend her vocabulary with one and a half word.
Brooke turned around to look at the unpopular table. And, sure enough, there was a certain amount of body language going on between Sam and Carmen. Quite a lot of body language actually.
Brooke quickly snapped back around and focused on her orange.
She had not just seen that.
That so had not happened.
Sam and Carmen did not just kiss.
They wouldn't have.
They simply couldn't.
As Brooke picked up her orange, she could hear some faint giggling coming from somewhere behind her. She recognised the giggles as coming from Sam and Carmen. Hearing it, Brooke wondered for the briefest of moments that maybe she had better try some cafeteria food right now.
It hadn't worked. Sure, Brooke had hoped it had worked, but the fact that it hadn't didn't come as such a big a surprise to her. After cheerleading practise, Brooke had raced over the Ford manor and there… well… she had fucked Josh. There really was no other way to describe it. Even screwing indicated there had been some sort of emotion, albeit a negative one. But Brooke had just fucked Josh and nothing more. There had been nothing. No love, no excitement, nothing. Just a very unpleasant feeling of emptiness.
Brooke looked down on the sleeping form of Josh and realised something.
She wanted Sam.
Not just in the physical sense of the word, but in the… well the other sense of the word.
But noooo. You just had to take a cruise up an Egyptian river, hadn't you? Brooke thought bitterly. Yes, you just kept telling yourself how much you needed Josh and not her. You were just too fucking blind to see that only reason you were still with him was because you had found a great substitute. Have all the nice feelings with Sam so that you could ignore everything you did not feel with Josh. You fucking idiot! And now you've driven her right into Carmen's arms, you stupid bitch! You were too fucking late to realise it, weren't you?
And now I've lost it all because of it.
Brooke slipped out of bed, started gathering her clothes and wondered what to do. Sure, she was too late, but she had to do something, right? Maybe… maybe try and win Sam back. Not she had any realistic shot at winning Sam back. But, well, she had try, hadn't she? Because, what would be the alternative?
A relapse into anorexia?
Brooke found herself thinking about pills and alcohol and, for a small moment, was happy about the fact she was still too scared to die.
"Sam, I need to talk to you. So, could you please, I mean… would you please look at me?"
Sam turned around, away from her desk and towards the doorway where Brooke was standing. She folded her arms in front of her chest and regarded Brooke with a less than friendly look.
"OK, talk," said Sam.
Brooke was quiet. She had rehearsed what she was going to say a few million times. Unfortunately, she had suddenly forgotten those rehearsals.
"I… I saw you with Carmen," said Brooke.
"I saw you with Josh," said Sam.
"What!?" Brooke asked, too surprised and embarrassed to say something else. "W-When?"
"During lunch, of course," said Sam. "Or don't you remember?"
"Brooke, could you please say what you have to say and get lost? I have homework to do."
"Err… right," said Brooke. "Uhm… are you… happy… with Carmen?"
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you care for my happiness?"
"Sam, that's not fair."
Brooke looked at the floor. "You're right. That was a totally justified remark. But, you see… the thing is…"
"I want to be Carmen," Brooke blurted out, looking up at Sam.
"I want to be the one who gets to be with you," Brooke murmured, studying the floor dejectedly once again.
"Nice timing, Brooke," said Sam evenly.
"I know," said Brooke. "I just…"
"Never mind. I'll just… I hope you're happy with Carmen."
Brooke turned around to leave when Sam's voice stopped her.
Brooke froze, then faced Sam. The brunette hadn't moved, her expression hadn't changed.
"What did you say?"
"Carmen is a heterosexual," said Sam.
"But I saw her kissing you."
"So… the two of you kissed!"
"But, if the two of you aren't together, then why?"
"Oh come on, Brooke," said Sam. "It's obvious, isn't it?"
Sam sighed. "Miss Straight A student, ladies and gentlemen. OK, fine, I'll spell it out for you. You know how last night you tried to enter my bedroom? You even knocked, for crying out loud. And furthermore, do you know how loud you can get when you masturbate? The only thing that I couldn't easily hear was when you came, but by then I could make a very accurate guess about who was in your mind."
Brooke blushed. "I'm not that loud."
"Oh yes you are. Funny how you started out with Josh, but ended up with me, isn't it?"
Brooke had the decency to blush some more.
"Anyway, I figured you had built a concrete wall around you to shield you from reality. So I asked Carmen for some help to tear it down," Sam smiled a little. "Seems my little plan worked, because, well, here you are."
"Here I am," said Brooke. "And now?"
"Now?" said Sam. "I honestly haven't thought that far ahead yet. Have you dumped Josh?"
"He was sleeping when I last saw him."
Sam nodded. "I see."
"But I will when he wakes up," Brooke added hastily.
"Right," said Sam.
The brunette turned around and continued her homework.
"Sam, come on," said Brooke. "You didn't just go through that whole Carmen thing just to torment me, did you?"
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't," said Sam. "Goodbye Brooke."
"Sam, please, tell me. Is there any chance that you might take me back?"
Brooke's heart sank. "I see," she said. "I'll… I'll be off then."
"In order for me to take you back, we'd have to have some sort of relationship first," said Sam, surprising Brooke. "But since we didn't exactly have one, I can't take you back to it, now can I?"
"Wait, are you saying…?"
"Dump Josh. Then… I don't know… maybe. We'll see."
Maybe, thought Brooke. I can live with that.
It was the perfect dress. It had the right shape, the right size, the perfect colour, everything. Brooke feared, however, that the restaurant wasn't quite so perfect. Sam wasn't used to exceedingly-upper-class establishments where a glass of water cost about as much as an entire meal anywhere else. Sam looked quite out of place with her casual clothes, her decided lack of make-up and her uncaring hairstyle.
While Brooke had gone out of her way to make herself as pretty as can be, with her perfect dress, perfect make-up and perfect hairstylist, Sam had decided to do absolutely nothing about her appearance.
Brooke got the message loud and clear, though. If she wanted to date Sam, she would get Sam. And no amount of effort on her part would ever be able to change her. Sam's whole demeanour said "This is me. Take it or leave it."
"Sam," said Brooke.
"Hmm?" said Sam, who was busy studying the menu.
"I love you."
"That's nice. You know if the shrimp cocktail is any good?"
Brooke looked at her own menu. She hadn't expected Sam to say that she loved her as well. Sure, she had hoped she would, but she hadn't expected it.
Sam would probably put her through the wringer before she said those three words.
Brooke was actually pretty happy with that. She knew how poorly she had treated Sam. If the brunette had simply forgiven all that after a single apology, Brooke would have felt cheated somehow.
The blonde glanced over her menu and smiled.
She got her second chance.
She wouldn't screw it up this time.
|Jos Mous||Popular||Main Index|