Fandom: Gossip Girl
Spoilers: 1x04, Bad News Blair
Rating: M, SL
Word count: ~3030
Disclaimer: They aren’t mine. I mean no infringement.
A/N: I didn’t really watch Gossip Girl when it first came on. I caught a few of the episodes at the end of the season and read a ton of fanfic, but only recently decided I was going to make a concerted effort to watch it from the beginning. I’m only on the first disc and just saw 1x04, Bad News Blair, and even though Dan had managed to make himself into someone I kind of hated in the first few episodes, he sort of redeemed himself in this one when he comforted Blair. (This is set immediately following the comforting, when Serena and Dan decide to another date and Blair comes flouncing up with something almost like approval.) And then I was hit with this strange, almost Blair/Dan shipper kind of feeling, and I wrote this. It’s smut. There’s a sort of hidden message in there (maybe), but the end result is smut. With a boy involved, just fyi.
Dan hadn’t realized that Blair had been serious.
“I think those are terms we can agree to. Just, not with those shoes. And, not with that hair.”
Because that had been a joke. Of course, maybe that should have been his first clue. Blair Waldorf didn’t joke around, at least not with him. She scoffed. She sneered. She plotted his imminent demise.
She didn’t joke.
Then again, he had figured she was riding some kind of high after confronting her mother, some kind of giddy excess of emotion that allowed her to behave like a normal human for once. It was almost like some kind of blessing of benediction, the Queen’s very own approval of his date with Serena.
Which was why, when Serena looked up at him, eyes dark and huge and begging him to understand and approve, he was convinced it was some kind of joke. That she said it with her hand lightly stroking the fabric covering his rapidly hardening cock didn’t help.
“I think you’d be good for her.” Serena’s voice was pitched low, pleading and earnest. “I think you’d be good for us.”
The typical Dan Humphrey response would be sputtering indignation, but he could feel the press of her breasts against his arm and that light, tickling swipe of her fingers – up and down in a way that made it hard for him to breathe – and that kept him planted just where he was.
“But…” he stumbled, not sure, exactly, what was happening. What she was alluding to didn’t make sense and was, quite frankly, beyond the bounds of what one person could offer to do for another, especially when he was the never-consulted pawn. But finally he managed, the words coming in a voice nearly an octave higher than normal, the confused, questioning, shocked, “You’re giving me to Blair?”
The notion that she was soothing him, as if he were an agitated child, was almost enough to get him out of his seat.
“I like you. I like you a lot.”
Those words kept him where he was. That and the fingers that were pressing just a little harder, making it more and more difficult to think with anything approaching coherency. He thought that maybe he was dreaming it all, that he wasn’t in Serena’s bedroom being potentially pimped out to the best friend of the girl he was hoping was slowly becoming his girlfriend. He decided that that was what it was, one of those sex dreams that’s better than it has any right to be, that feels just like it’s real, until it takes a hideous and bizarre dream twist. Until people start showing up in places they shouldn’t and dream girls start making propositions that threaten to turn the whole thing into a nightmare.
“But I love Blair.”
Just like that. Nightmare in four words.
He would have stormed from the room, if only he could have gotten his legs to work.
“She told me about what you did,” Serena continued, her voice still a low, seductive whisper in his ear that made shivers run down his spine. “She told me about what you said to her at the photo shoot.”
“It was… I was…”
Again, with the shushing, and he wanted to scream in frustration. Why couldn’t he talk? Why couldn’t he stand up and stare her down, show her all of the contempt he assumed he was feeling, and then walk out of there and as far away from every single pampered, spoiled, essentially worthless UES golem he’d ever had the misfortune of meeting.
“So we talked about it and we agreed.”
He nearly did manage to jump to his feet when Blair appeared as if out of nowhere, wearing something sheer that highlighted her bare breasts and the tiny, nearly invisible scrap of fabric slung low across her hips.
His mind, the only part of him apparently still capable of movement, raced, though it seemed to be stuck on one single, looping exclamation.
What the fuck?
Despite that, when she settled herself on his lap, Serena’s ceaselessly moving hand trapped between them, he might have whimpered.
“Besties share everything,” Blair murmured, giving the barest hint of a shrug, the words an almost apologetic explanation. And then she was leaning forward to kiss him, and he didn’t want or mean to kiss her back, but it was one of those things that proved impossible to stop. Serena was whispering encouragements in his ear, and he caught the vague hint of movement out of the corner of his eye as her free hand slipped into Blair’s hair. A second later, Blair was pulled away from him with a gasp, and he almost managed some sort of protest before Serena descended on her like a hawk; he, like almost every other heterosexual boy in the world, had spent a fair amount of time imagining just the very thing he was seeing, but no amount of fantasy could ever live up to the actual moment. The expression on their faces made it seem like they’d forgotten that he was even there, eyelids fluttering closed and bodies straining into one another. There were moans and whimpers and the slight, wet ‘pops’ of mouths joining and separating, and it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t at all the first time they had done that.
That thought, as intriguing as it was, was immediately derailed, thrown completely off course by the press of small fingers against his abdomen. They had to be Blair’s, his mind managed to process, even as the button on his jeans snapped free. Then the hands became a tangle, Blair’s and Serena’s, and only the slightest of sensory information allowed him to sometimes distinguish between the two as their fingers trailed against the now bare flesh of his cock.
He gasped despite himself, hips jumping, both hands finding the curve of Blair’s hips in reflex. The movement seemed to startle her, and she pulled away from Serena to look at him again. Her eyes were dark, so dark he momentarily got lost in them, and her lips were red and swollen and shiny from Serena’s kisses. For once she wasn’t smirking at him, instead, just staring up at him through her lashes with an expression that made his stomach muscles tighten and his cock jump.
He groaned as one of the hands that had been teasing him disappeared, then caught his breath as Blair’s free hand brought Serena’s to her mouth. Eyes still on him though they were glinting now with an almost evil tease, she brushed her tongue in broad strokes over the plane of Serena’s palm, and when that hand wrapped around him again, it was warm and wet and he felt a shudder rock through his body.
“There are rules,” she said, her hands pushing his shirt up over his abdomen. His hands lifted without his permission, and soon the shirt was gone and Blair was balancing herself, both hands on his chest as Serena’s hand started to stroke his cock in a lazy, slow rhythm. “You don’t tell anyone. You can touch me but you don’t get to fuck me.”
She paused, eyes fluttering slightly, and he realized dimly that she was pressed so tightly to him that Serena’s knuckles were brushing against her clit with each stroke.
“There are more,” she said, though now her voice was wavering and breathless. “We’ll discuss them later.”
He looked over to Serena, perhaps seeking some sort of reassurance or explanation, but she was watching Blair, bottom lip caught between her teeth. It seemed like too much, suddenly, and he brought his hand to her chin, pulling her face over so that she was looking at him, and she smiled brightly before leaning in to kiss him. He focused on that, on the press of his lips on hers, until the fluttering pressure of Blair’s fingers tracing along the curve of his jaw made the sharpness of it go fuzzy. And then he was sucked back into the moment, and Serena’s hand was tightening and moving faster and Blair’s breasts were pressed against his chest and her lips and teeth were on his ear.
He came with a strangled moan, hips pumping up against Serena’s hand, chest sliding against Blair’s soft breasts.
Serena kissed him until his breathing evened out. He felt Blair shift off of him, looked over in time to notice with a mixture of chagrin and pride the smeared stain darkening the front of her peignoir, before Serena pulled away as well. And then he thought he had to be imagining things again, because Blair was sinking down to her knees, one hand on each of Serena’s thighs, and the blonde was shrugging off the dress she’d worn on their date. The only thing underneath it was a thong, and he watched with wide eyes as Blair slid it down Serena’s long legs before leaning forward without fanfare, eyes fluttering closed as if in ecstasy for a split second before her tongue traced a long path up along Serena’s length.
There was a sense of surrealism about the whole thing, about seeing Serena’s long fingers disappear into Blair’s dark hair, about the sounds of satisfaction they both were making. Serena’s leg curved over Blair’s shoulder and Blair’s hands slid around to cup the curve of Serena’s ass as the blonde leaned back against the back of her chair, and Dan felt his heart begin to race.
It was the sounds, he thought, his ears filled with a symphony of soft sighs and the wet smack of suction. The sounds were what made it all so much more vivid, and before he could stop himself, he reached down, his hand disappearing into long dark hair alongside Serena’s; suddenly, he could feel the movement of Blair’s head, feel the dulled press of her tongue in the place where his palm met her skull and it made him feel both powerful and insignificant all at once.
When he looked up at Serena, she was smiling back at him. And then the smile disappeared and she looked lost and a little helpless and he was about to become concerned. But then her face shifted once more, a grimace appearing briefly before her eyes locked on his again, this time blank and fathomless, and he watched as her entire body seemed to convulse. Her head shook back and forth helplessly; he could feel the tightness of Blair’s skull as Serena’s fingers pulled hard at her hair.
Blair’s head flew back, a pained cry passing through her lips even as he felt the strain in her, even as she pressed forward, tongue once again finding Serena’s clit.
Serena had other ideas, and a few rough tugs later, Blair was reluctantly kissing a trail up her torso. When their lips met, it was messy and wild, and Dan let his hand slide down Blair’s back, pressing against silky fabric now wet with sweat, as Serena’s fingers locked onto both sides of Blair’s jaw in what looked to be a painful grip.
When Serena pushed Blair away, hands on her hips spinning her around, Dan found that he was now cupping Blair’s breast. Serena manhandled the brunette into the position she wanted, pulling Blair’s legs across hers so that she was straddling her thighs, then spread her own thighs wide. She pulled off the now sweaty peignoir and tugged against Blair’s panties fruitlessly for a moment before giving up with a growl, one hand wrapping firmly around the material on the left side of Blair’s hips. She pulled hard, the fabric giving way slowly with a cascading torrent of rips, then pushed the remainder of the flimsy fabric down Blair’s other thigh.
Dan watched as Serena’s fingers disappeared into the furrow between Blair’s thighs, her golden skin matching up nicely against the pearl of Blair’s and the darkness of her curls. Her other hand found Blair’s breast, and his eyes locked on Blair’s chest. His own hand was raw and blunt compared to the tapered length of Serena’s fingers, but Blair didn’t seem to care, pushing her chest forward against the twin holds. The hand between Blair’s legs began to move, and Serena’s head appeared above the other girl’s shoulder. Her eyes locked with Dan’s even as her teeth bit down hard on the curve of Blair’s neck and they watched one another for a moment before Serena finally pulled free, leaving behind a perfect, reddened bite mark.
“Kiss her,” she said huskily, then soothed her tongue over the worried flesh.
The words seemed as much of a prompt to Blair as they were to him.
Blair’s nails dug into his shoulders as their lips met, and he could taste what he instantly knew to be Serena on her tongue. The kiss was rough and raw, neither of them capable of a great deal of elegance, but it seemed to be exactly what Blair wanted. She traced sharp nails up over his shoulders and his neck before burying them in his hair and tugging him closer. Dan obliged, sliding his hand from her breast and around her back, pulling her tightly to him. He felt warmth and wetness against his fingers, torn between a chuckle and a groan when he realized that Serena was licking them, her teeth closing down gently over his knuckles, a reminder that she was still there.
Not that he could forget. Blair bit down lightly on his bottom lip as Serena’s fingers sped up, and she whimpered into his mouth as she felt herself get closer and closer to climax. She hissed against him when Serena pinched her nipple hard, twisting it between her fingers, and then suddenly stopped breathing entirely for what seemed like almost a minute.
She came with something that sounded almost like a sob, and her legs reflexively wrapped around Dan’s hips, pulling him against her with a crash, sandwiching her between his body and Serena’s. He’d known he was hard again, but when his cock slid against the soft skin of her stomach, he had to close his eyes and tense every muscle in his body to keep from exploding. He tried hard to stay still, to keep his hips from rocking shallowly against Blair even as she panted and gasped and tried to recover her breath, but he couldn’t.
After a moment, Blair laughed tiredly, unwinding her legs from Dan’s hips and planting her hands on his chest to push him away.
“Off,” she said, though the word wasn’t a snapped command. It was, instead, almost affectionate.
He obeyed, blushing. Blair was looking at him with a sort of lazy indulgence, head tilted to the side to bare the curve of her neck. Serena was kissing it softly, murmuring words too soft for him to decipher in Blair’s ear.
“It’s okay, Humphrey,” Blair murmured, only the slightest hint of her usual mocking tone in the words.
“It’s okay,” Serena echoed, raising her head from Blair’s neck long enough to give him an assessing look. His jeans were opened wide, sagging down over his hips, and his underwear had been pulled down far enough to bare him to their gaze.
Almost as one, Blair and Serena seemed to slide from the chair as if made of liquid, and within seconds, he was looking down at the both of them looking back up at him. Blair tugged roughly on his pants, bringing both them and his underwear down to mid-thigh, and the very notion of what he thought might be about to happen almost made his knees buckle.
And then it did happen, a tongue on either side of his cock licking from base to tip before Blair and Serena’s lips met in a soft, deep kiss. He could feel someone’s chin brushing against him, and as much as he wanted them to focus on him again, he also never wanted them to stop doing what they were doing.
He wasn’t sure how they decided to divvy up their actions, but they moved with an unnatural awareness of one another. Blair’s hand wrapped around the base of his cock and began to stroke him shallowly even as Serena pulled him into her mouth, and his head tipped back toward the ceiling as he sighed. He focused on keeping his balance, on holding out to make this last forever, on not making a fool of himself, to the point where he almost missed the split second of cool air against his skin before there was a warm tongue against him again.
But, he didn’t miss it, and when he looked down it was to see the top of Blair’s dark head. Serena was watching her with intense concentration, her face a picture of naked desire, and Dan felt his body jump.
“I’m… I’m…” He tried to warn her, but the words lodged in his throat. It became a moot point a moment later, though, the only thing passing through his lips a long, rumbling moan as he came.
He was only vaguely aware of Blair swallowing delicately, or of the echo of Serena’s amused laughter. He didn’t even have the strength to be embarrassed, instead stumbling back slightly, mercifully landing on the bed a few feet behind him. When he looked up, Blair was pouting, and Serena was leaning forward to kiss her and he watched them for a moment, so perfect and comfortable and at ease with one another. He wondered abstractly why he was even there at all when they were clearly, painfully in love with one another, but then they turned almost as one. Their eyes were dark, twin smirks on their faces as they pushed to their feet. A second later and he had a body on either side of him, hands sliding over his chest until their fingers twined together, and Blair stretched up, placing a soft kiss on his lips seconds before Serena did the same.
“You’ll be good for us,” Blair said softly, echoing the words that Serena had said to him earlier.
He didn’t know what they meant, but they seemed so convincingly certain he couldn’t help but believe them.