Author: Geonn

Email: neil_j_miser@yahoo.com

Rating: PG13

Pairings: Sam/Janet

Category: Drama, Angst

Website: www.realmoftheshadow.com/geonn.htm

Disclaimer: These folks don't belong to me. I stole them from MGM's toybox without asking their mommies for permission. I promise to return them more or less unscathed.

Spoilers: "Singularity," "The Devil You Know," "The Light"

Notes: The title is a lyric from Chely Wright's "It Was."

Archive: Yes, just let me know where it'll be.

Summary: Sam and Janet's lives are a chain, made up of several strong links...

Sam couldn't find Janet for over an hour. Finally, she picked up two punch glasses and went on a scavenger hunt with only one prize; a petite brunette doctor. She finally found her lover sitting outside, her purple dress bundled around her knees so that it wouldn't scrape on the ground. Sam offered Janet the cup of punch and the brunette smiled, accepting it. Sam slipped her black jacket off her shoulders and draped it over Janet's, protecting her from the chill of the night air. She sat next to Janet on the bench, loosening the black tie of her tux. "Hey," she said.

"Hello," Janet said. She was looking across the parking lot at all the cars. Families, friends, coworkers, some people Cassandra knew, some people that Derek's family knew... So many people. Sam wrapped an arm around the doctor and kissed her cheek. Janet smiled and rolled her head towards Sam. "Can you believe it?" she asked.

Sam laughed. "I don't want to believe it." She tugged at the knees of her trousers, disliking the tux she had been forced to wear for the occasion. "It makes me feel old. I mean..." She held up one hand in surrender. "I *know* it's not like she's our biological daughter and her growing up has no direct meaning on how old we are... but still, seeing the little girl you raised for so long get married..."

Janet rubbed the back of Sam's neck, making the blonde purr quietly. "Married," she repeated. "I still can't believe Cassie went with the hyphenated name. It's just... it's unfortunate."

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. I think Cassandra Fraiser-Crane has a nice ring to it..."

Cassandra and Derek Crane had been engaged for almost a full year, leading Sam and Janet to believe the wedding might actually not happen. But they had surprised everyone by actually setting a date and following through with it. Cassandra had asked Sam to give her away and the Major couldn't possibly turn down such an offer. Now, it was all over except for the throwing of the bouquet.

Janet laid her head on Sam's shoulder and draped her arms over the other woman's midsection, lacing her fingers together on Sam's other side. The Major sighed and closed her eyes, rocking slightly with Janet. "You know why Cassie picked today, right?" Sam asked, after a long moment.

"Huh-uh," Janet shook her head.

"This is the anniversary of the day we found her on Hanka."

"Really?" Janet said, sitting up. "Wow... I had completely forgotten! How long has it been?"

"Ten years," Sam said, shaking her head in disbelief. "It's been eleven years since Daniel opened the Stargate. Ten since we started going through on missions. And it's been ten years, four months and eight days since I met you for the first time."

Janet chuckled, "Is that right?"

"I don't know," Sam admitted. "But it sounds pretty close. Do you remember the first thing I said to you?"

---

LINK ONE: Ten Years, Four Months and Eight Days Ago (Give or Take),

"You're kind of small."

Janet turned, frowning at the tall blonde that had just walked into the infirmary. "And you're kind of rude," she snapped. "Anything I can help you with, ma'am?"

"Captain, actually," Sam corrected. "Captain Samantha Carter." She clasped her hands behind her back and watched as Janet began unloading supplies. The office had been left bare by Janet's predecessor. All of his things had been forwarded to his family.

"Well, Captain," Janet said, placing a framed photo of a dark-haired man on the desk. "Do you have a reason for this visit, or were you just stopping by to comment on my height?"

Sam shrugged. "Just... stopping by."

Janet forced a smile. "Well, thank you very much. You've ruined my concentration on what I was doing. It's not like I'm in a rush to get settled or anything. If you want, maybe we could get together later and braid our hair and give each other pedicures."

"No need to get nasty," Sam said.

"I'm a little busy. I'm sorry if that throws your welcome-wagon out of whack, but I can't really help that, can I?"

Sam held up her hands. "Okay. Okay, fine. Sorry I bothered you, Doctor." She turned, closing the office door. She exhaled and shook her head before muttering, "Royal bitch..."

---

"You thought I was royalty... very nice," Janet said, shuffling her feet on the pavement outside of the church.

Sam grinned. "You *were* a royal bitch. But at least I figured out *why* you were such a bitch." She kissed Janet again.

---

LINK TWO: Monday After They Met,

"Got room at this table for an order of crow?"

Sam looked up, trying unsuccessfully to hide her groan of disappointment. "I was actually just leaving," Sam said, wiping her hands on a napkin.

"Don't," Janet said, sitting her tray down across from Sam's. "Please. Let me explain? Please?"

With a sigh, Sam sat back and crossed her arms over her chest.

Janet cleared her throat. "I was awful to you, Captain. You didn't deserve to get the brunt of my anger. I wasn't... angry at you, I was angry at other things. You were just a convenient punching bag. I've noticed there are very few women here and I don't need to make enemies out of any of them. Will you forgive me for how we met?"

The blonde pursed her lips, tapping her foot on the floor. She sighed and extended her hand over the table. "Hello. I'm, uh, I'm Captain Samantha Carter. Would you like to have lunch with me?"

"Doctor Janet Fraiser," the brunette smiled, taking the offered hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

---

Sam spit a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, holding her long hair out of the way. She looked in the mirror, tucking a strand behind her ear before going into the bedroom. Janet was sitting in bed, wearing the reading glasses she had just started wearing and reading a Stephen King novel. Sam stripped off her pants and t-shirt, climbing into bed next to the brunette. "Where are they going to honeymoon?" she asked, fanning her fingers over Janet's stomach.

"Martha's Vineyard," Janet replied.

Sam tugged at Janet's shirt, lifting it to reveal the brunette's panties. Janet smiled and shifted her hips to allow the material to pass. Leaving the shirt bundled on Janet's stomach, Sam pulled down the waistband of her lover's panties and stared at the mark there. "I still love it," Sam replied, tracing the lines.

Janet giggled. "And I love yours." She rested a hand on top of Sam's head, scruffling the blonde hair.

With a smile, Sam traced the lines of the small blue 'S' that rested along Janet's hip.

---

LINK THREE: Six Years Ago,

Sam dumped her stuff in the hallway and started towards the kitchen. "Janet? Baby, you here?"

The doctor appeared in the doorway of the living room, smiling broadly. "Hi, Sam. I... had something done."

Sam frowned. "Your hair looks the same..."

"No," Janet said. "Not my hair. Promise you'll give it a chance before you freak?"

Sam tensed. "Uh-oh. Okay. What did you do?"

Janet bit her lip, then unbuttoned her jeans and let them pool around her knees. She turned slightly and pulled down her panties a bit. There was a small white bandage covering part of her tanned flesh. She peeled it away and revealed a small blue 'S' on the curve of her hip. Sam gasped and dropped to her knees, leaning in to see it better. It was Old-English style, very classical and beautiful. She traced the lines and said, "S... f-for Sam?"

"I had it done while you were trapped in that Goa'uld pleasure palace," Janet explained. "Do... you like it?"

Sam lifted Janet off the floor and asked, "Where's Cassandra?"

Janet giggled and said, "Hanging out at a friend's house. What are you doing?"

Sam hurried up the stairs, holding Janet in her arms. A few hours later, laying across each other in bed atop a pile of tossed sheets, Sam kissed the tattoo and whispered, "Can I get a J?"

---

Ten years older, but still capable of getting weak in the knees when Sam Carter smiled, Janet lay on her side and traced the red J on Sam's hip. It had been done by the same artist Janet had gone to, in the same style. "I still love that you did this, Sam."

"It was your idea."

"No," Janet said. "Not the tattoo, although I love it, too. I love *this*. Laying with you at night, naked... not even making love. Just... being us, if that makes sense."

Sam kissed Janet's eyebrow and said, "I love it, too."

Janet sighed and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. "We should get some rest."

Sam nodded and pulled the blankets over their bodies.

---

LINK FOUR: Ten years, Three Months Ago,

Sam opened the front door of her house and blinked in surprise at what she saw. "Um... well, hello."

Janet smiled meekly and said, "Can... I stay here for a while? I know we've only known each other for a month and--"

"No, it's no problem," Sam said, stepping aside. "What's up?"

Janet entered, putting down the small handbag she had brought in down on the couch. "Did I tell you I was married?"

Sam raised an eyebrow, remembering the man's photo on Janet's desk at work. "No. You didn't."

"Well, I'm not anymore. I told my husband it was over and he kicked me out of the house." She faked a smile. "So... it was either here or a motel. Or I could stay at the base, I suppose. If it's any trouble, just tell me and I'll head out and find--"

"It's no trouble whatsoever," Sam repeated. "I know what you're going through."

Janet looked around. "Oh. Are you married?"

"GOD no," Sam chuckled. "I was engaged for a while, to someone at the project. But I ended it before anything really happened." She ran a hand through her hair and said, "What's in the bag?"

"Underwear, some toiletries..."

"Clothes?" Sam frowned.

Janet smiled, embarrassed. "Guess I wasn't too worried about that when I stormed out."

"That's okay, I have some stuff you can borrow. The couch isn't very comfortable, but... uh, I'd be happy to take it and let you have the bed--"

"No, I couldn't take your bed."

Sam shrugged. "Well, I'm not going to let you sleep on this couch."

Which is how Samantha Carter and Janet Fraiser ended up in bed together for the first time. When they woke the next morning, they had migrated towards each other, arms and legs intertwined. They had initially laughed it off and gone about their day, but later they would wonder if it was their bodies trying to tell them something.

---

Cassandra and Derek returned from Martha's Vineyard three days later. Derek had a sunburn and Cassandra was refusing to speak to him; the first fight of their infantile marriage. Cassie claimed Derek had been checking out women on the beach. Derek claimed that 'looking' didn't constitute 'checking out.' Cassandra had come to cry on her parents' shoulders and tell them what awful thing her new husband had done and how stupid she had been to marry him in the first place. Janet had agreed that Derek was wrong. Sam, however, had seen Derek's side, but knew better than to argue with Janet about it. She simply patted their daughter on the back and waited for the tears to dry.

Derek eventually showed up and Janet handed the weeping girl over to him. Sam and Janet then made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, where they shared a knowing smile.

---

LINK FIVE: Seven Years Ago,

"Pick. It. Up."

Sam lifted the two halves of the plate and dropped them, causing both sides to shatter once more. Janet grabbed her hair with both hands and shouted, "I don't *believe* you! What is the *matter* with you?!"

"What's the matter with *me*?" Sam shouted back. "ME?! What are we even fighting about?! I have no idea! You walk in here and jump down my throat for no reason... the damned plate can be swept up in the morning! What the hell are you YELLING at me for?!"

"I'M NOT YELLING!" Janet yelled. She walked to the sink and pulled another dirty dish from the water it was soaking in. "You're so dense sometimes, Sam! We are fighting because you..." She growled and shook her hands. "We're fighting because..."

Sam took the wet plate from Janet and shook it. "YOU don't even know why we're fighting. SO WHY ARE WE FIGHTING?" she shouted, shaking the plate again. Janet was bombarded with airborne droplets of soapy water.

Janet snatched a cup from the sink and said, "Don't flick water at me!" She flicked the glass at Sam, realizing a moment too late that she hadn't dumped the water from it. Sam was drenched by a flood of soapy dishwater. She stood frozen for a minute, her hands making parenthesis around her body as she tried to deal with the shock of being assaulted in this matter. Janet put the cup back in the sink, both hands going to her mouth in shock. "Sam... Sam, I'm so sorry," she said, her voice softer.

"Sorry?" Sam said, taking a plate from the water. "Sorry?!" She flicked the plate violently at Janet, showering her with water. She dipped her hand into the sink and threw a handful in Janet's face. Janet shrieked and tried to block her face with her hands, but to no avail. She cupped her hands then, dipping them into the water and throwing it on Sam's shirt. Sam opened her hand, palm down, and slapped the water, spraying them both.

Janet growled and got another cupful of water, pouring it over Sam's head. This caused Janet to be stretched full-length and Sam latched onto the brunette's sides, wrestling her to the ground. When she landed on top of the smaller woman, their lips were melded together. Janet broke the kiss and laughed, "You taste like soap."

"Shut up," Sam giggled, ripping open Janet's t-shirt. "Just shut up."

The fight had ended...

---

Sam and Janet soon realized the reason for their daughter's haste to set the wedding date. Six months after the wedding, Leah Samantha Crane was born. Jacob was there to meet his first great-grandchild and to see Sam and Janet for the first time in almost two years. They met with Derek's parents and went to dinner with them, a 'get-to-know-the-in-laws' thing. Halfway through the meal, Sam had wondered what the Cranes would say if they knew Jacob had a sentient snake in his head that had been keeping him alive for the better part of a decade. She had had to leave the restaurant she was laughing so hard.

The Cranes, however, turned out to be not-very nice people. They never came right out and said it, but they implied several times that they found it amazing Cassandra was so well-developed, considering her upbringing. Lesbians raising a child, they had marveled (although not in so many words). What a mixed-up world this is! Sam had been furious with them, but had hidden it well. She had surprised Janet when they got home, however, by collapsing into the doctor's arms and sobbing at the close-mindedness of their daughter's in-laws. Janet had shushed her lover and taken her upstairs to sleep off her anger.

Once Sam was asleep, Janet went downstairs and poured a cup of coffee as she recalled her first night in Sam's embrace.

---

LINK SIX: Nine Years Ago,

Sam woke up, sat up and threw up. She balled her hands into fists, holding the mattress like she was trying to keep from levitating as she expunged the contents of her stomach. Her eyes were wet with tears when she finished, staring at the pool in her lap. Damn the Goa'uld, Sam thought. Damn Jolinar for doing this to me. Damn... damn... damn... Her thoughts were interrupted as the light over her bed came on and Janet pushed aside the curtain. The doctor immediately saw what had happened. "Sam? Are you okay, sweety?"

"I threw up," Sam said simply, her eyes fixed on the vomit as she started to cry. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice  cracking.

"Hey, he-ey," Janet said, brushing Sam's hair out of her eyes. "You're still getting over Jolinar. And, besides... it's the infirmary, babe. Everyone throws up... if it's not an illness, it's the food."

Sam chuckled at that and brushed her eyes. Janet gathered the blankets, folding them into a bag and carrying it to the laundry basket. She dumped it in, then walked to Sam's bed. Her hosptial gown was wet. "Were you sweating?" Janet asked.

"No," Sam said softly, hanging her head. "I... I wet... I wet myself." She closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists again.

"Sam," Janet said softly, touching Sam's forehead. She snaked her hand around to the back of Sam's neck, massaging the rebar-like tendons she found there. "It's okay." Her voice was near a whisper, her forehead touching Sam's slightly. "You're okay. This happens. Sometimes when you throw up, your muscles contract and... it happens." She brushed away Sam's tears and said, "Do you want me to change your clothes for you?"

Sam nodded weakly and Janet stripped her of the soiled gown, putting it in the laundry basket and getting a clean one. She pulled it over Sam's head and helped the blonde lay down again, pulling a clean blanket over the other woman's shoulders. She rubbed Sam's shoulder, then said, "The infirmary is empty, Sam. Do you want a new bed?"

Sam allowed Janet to lead her to another bed. Janet drew the curtain closed, cutting them off from the outside world. She brushed Sam's hair and asked, "Want me to stay with you?"

"Please," Sam said, her voice breaking and the tears starting anew. The infirmary beds weren't equipped for two people, but Janet found a way. She embraced Sam and began to whisper, "It'll be all right, beautiful. I'm right here. You're strong, you'll get through this. Shh, shh... It's okay, sweety." Sam fell asleep and slept through the rest of the night. Janet discreetly extracted herself when someone came into the infirmary for the morning shift and went about her duties.

The next night, Warner was on-duty. Janet showed up anyway, holding Sam's hand but sitting in a chair to avoid suspicions. She and Sam hadn't even kissed yet, but she knew she was starting to have feelings that were definitely against regulations. When Sam was released from the infirmary, she asked if Janet would sleep over at her house 'just in case I need you.' They made love for the first time that night, both of them weeping tears of joy and neither of them regretting a single decision they made.

When morning came, they already knew it was inevitable. So they decided to start dating.

---

Almost ten years later, Sam snuck into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Janet from behind. She kissed the top of the doctor's head and whispered, "I'm such a baby."

Janet pulled Sam onto her lap and kissed her softly, running her fingers through Sam's hair. "Yeah. But you're *my* baby. Let's go to bed." They went back upstairs together, even though Sam wasn't tired. Of course... Janet didn't have sleep in mind.

---

LINK SEVEN: Nine And A Half Years Ago,

Janet held her coffee cup in both hands and took a sip. "What did you just say?"

"I think it would be best."

"You're the one she's bonded with," Janet argued.

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, but... I'm never home. When I'm not off-world, I'm at the base with some project. And I think you'd be an amazing mother to her, Janet."

"I'm not going to adopt her," Janet argued, running a hand through her hair. "I can't raise a little girl on my own, Sam. I just can't!"

Sam put her hand on top of Janet's. "You wouldn't be raising her alone, Janet. I would be helping you. Kind of like... like a big sister. I just can't give her the kind of attention you could." She grinned. "Together, we'd be excellent parents."

"You're asking me to raise a daughter with you?"

"I guess I am," Sam smiled.

Janet sighed deeply. "Well. I'll have to think about it, but... I'd really hate to see her go home with Jack O'Neill." She shuddered and Sam laughed.

---

Leah Crane's ninth birthday party went off without much of a hitch. After pinning the tail on the donkey and opening presents, Janet put a hand on Sam's arm and discretely said she was going upstairs to rest. Sam had nodded, watching her lover walk off and turned back to the party. She didn't give much thought to it; they were both getting older and sleeping more came with the territory. A little mid-afternoon nap was nothing to be worried about.

---

Three days after Leah Crane turned ten, a year after the first symptoms had shown up, Janet was unable to leave her bed. Sam sat next to her, their hands always touching. Janet sniffed and looked at the ceiling with glassy eyes. "God, we had a good life. Thank you for helping me live, Sam."

Sam couldn't speak through the tears. She brushed Janet's gray hair out of her face and kissed her wrinkled cheek. "It's not over yet, Janet. Don't talk like it's over," she begged. "Don't. Please."

Janet stroked Sam's cheek. "You know I love you, right?"

"With all my heart and... every one of my toes," Sam chuckled.

"Our life together was like a chain. Y'know? Separate links... connecting... leading to a complete and total life. God, we had a good life. Our chain was long, Sam. So long. So very happy, with very little sad. Thank you so much for making my last years brighter than I ever could have hoped possible, Sam. You always gave me too much... too much love, too much happiness, too much care and..." She closed her eyes. "And it was never enough from you. You always gave me more. Thank you, Sam. I love you."

"I love you, too, Janet." She prayed that the brunette heard her, because as soon as the words were said, Janet's fingers went slack. Sam knew that Janet was gone and collapsed on top of the brunette's suddenly empty body. "Nooo. No, no, no, no, no, no, no... Janet, baby, no... no..."

---

Janet Fraiser was put to rest in a quiet ceremony attended by her close family and friends. Leah, who had just gotten used to the idea of two grandmas, was confused about the proceedings. Sam held the little girl (who wasn't so little anymore) and tried to explain as best she could. She was unable to talk long without beginning to cry. Jacob finally explained Janet's passing to the girl's satisfaction.

After the funeral, Cassandra and Derek drove Sam home. She didn't say a word the entire time. They held a reception at Sam and Janet's house where people shared memories of their favorite doctor and great friend. Halfway through the party, Sam excused herself and went upstairs for a nap.

She laid on the side of the bed that would never-again be Janet's and inhaled the few remaining scents that lingered: her shampoo, her perfume, but more importantly... she had a certain beautiful scent that was hers and hers alone. Sam inhaled and closed her eyes, crying as she hugged Janet's pillow to her breasts. She had no idea how long she slept, but a hand on her cheek woke her. She sat up, tired and disoriented, and almost didn't register what she was seeing. "Janet?" she asked.

"Hi, baby. Come on."

Sam frowned, her brow furrowed. "You're young again."

Janet laughed and said, "Yes, I am. And you are, too. Come on."

Sam stood. She had learned to never argue with Janet. "Where are we going?"

"Someplace beautiful," Janet promised. "Come on," she said again, taking Sam's hand. The hallway outside of their bedroom had transformed into a brilliantly white corridor. Sam disappeared into it with the love of her life, leaving her body behind on the bed.

It didn't take a doctor saying 'minor heart attack' to tell everyone Sam had died of a broken heart. She was buried next to the person who was, even without a wedding ring, her spouse. The headstone was recarved to include both of their names, including the epitaph: "Not Even Death..."

---

LINK EIGHT: Some Years Back...

Janet tended to the scrapes Sam had received on Netu. She occasionally stopped to blot her eyes or to kiss Sam's lips, but she finished her job and stepped back. "Anything else hurt?"

"No," Sam said. "Are you okay?"

"You almost died," Janet said, by way of replying. "I was scared. Worried senseless."

Sam embraced Janet and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry I worried you, honey. But I'm safe."

"One day you won't be. You'll die, someday. What will I do then, Sam?" She sniffed and brushed her eyes. "What will I do then?" she repeated softly.

"Janet," Sam whispered against her friend's ear. "Nothing can keep me from you."

"Not even death?" Janet scoffed.

"Not even death," Sam promised.

End