Pop Tarts and Sunny Delight
By: Erin Griffin
Rating: PG for some language and a little bit of violence
Disclaimer: I own a Beanie Baby named Erin like myself. Not something I should be admitting to the public, but if it proves my point that I do NOT own the WB, so be it. I have no money, and I do not own the WB, otherwise Birds of Prey wouldn't have gotten canceled.
Pairing: Helena/Dinah (Dinah's POV)
Summary: Helena confesses a secret that hurts Dinah emotionally. Then something happens where the only one who can save her is the one who hurt her to begin with...
Author's Note: This is what I like to call an 'inside out' story when the character has to battle (almost literally) with themselves or an aspect of themselves. Also, if female/female pairings make you uncomfortable, this may not be the story for you, but those who don't mind a little fluff, then be my guest.
Submissions: Ask and you shall receive, just let me know where it is going.
Spoilers: A mix of everything that has happened in all of the episodes except for Gladiatrix and the last 10 minutes of Nature of the Beast.
Part 2: Sunny Delight
I threw out my old diary (after copying all of the quotes I liked down from it) and started a journal. I have a new life, which began when Helena became mine, so I got a new book. Helena and I have been together for about 6 months now. All 6 months have been Tony-the-Tiger-GRRRREAT! Smiles never leave my face when she's around. The reason I haven't been writing in the Mya Angelou book is because I found out that Barbara had stopped writing in her Evolution book after the first couple of entries. She denies that she has, but I have never seen her writing in it. She told me that she has hidden it away, so no one can read it. She says some thoughts shouldn't be written down. I do not believe her, of course. Helena sort of does. Helena hasn't stopped writing in hers, though after I gave her the book back, she never let me see anything in there, and unlike her I let it go.
Lets see, what has happened over the last 6 months? Well, Al Hawk was found dead in his home (or at least the slum he called a home for the moment) about 2 weeks after my last entry. We went to the burial for Reece, since he was a friend to all three of us, or at least Helena, and he needed some support. I felt nothing while I was there. No anger, sadness... nothing. I was just neutral. Well, until afterwards when I saw Jesse and felt bad for him. It was his father, after all. Barbara found out that the crime rate has dropped considerably after Hawk was killed. No one knows who did it, but some fingers (Reece's) were pointed at me, but others' were pointed at the assassin that could go through walls. The one that got away from Helena and Detective Reece after a battle in an alley. After a while, no one glanced at me when the subject of 'who done it' came up.
What else? Oh! Wade comes over allot to Barbara's apartment, so she hangs out there allot. I think he knows something is up with her, but I doubt he knows anything meta. I do not think he knows about Helena as Huntress or Dinah as Canary. (I sort of took my mother's name, but not all of it, since I could never be looked up to as she was. I did that so I would have something of hers other than the few memories, mostly angry ones, of her. I still don't have a mask, just a new name like Huntress does.) We have found out that there is a new crime leader out there. They aren't as dangerous, it seems, as Al Hawk, mainly because she (yes, she) isn't known to them all yet, or she just doesn't have many followers yet, but enough. We have only found out that she is a woman, but she doesn't know the true identities of the blonde and dark haired fighters of the night that have stopped all of her small attacks on banks and jewelry shops. We do not know her identity either, but something tells me that she is the same woman responsible for biologically engineering Guy. Just for that, I want to kill her. She took most of that boy's life. That is worse than killing him with any weapon! Within hours, he went from baby to teen, from teen to man. Helena loved Guy, though she will never admit how much. For three days she was like a mother.
There have been rumors of a masked man being spotted fighting crime in a city near Vancouver Canada, but we don't know who it is. Helena doesn't want to know, but Barbara is itchin' to check into it to see if Batman has finally put the cape back on after an 8 year absence. I'm doubtful, but 1) I do not know much about him or the situation, so I am better off leaving my opinions out of it, and 2) it is just a rumor.
"Hey honey" I said to Helena as she entered the den where I was finishing my first entry in the new journal. Helena and I kissed for what seemed like only seconds, but I knew it was like 5 minutes long.
"You finally started that new journal." she observed, taking the remote off of the little coffee table. She had just gotten out of the shower after training with Barbara, and she smelled like lemons. I wanted her so badly, but Barbara had just wheeled herself in, and I knew it was my turn to train. Helena and I do not train together most times anymore because Barbara wants me to learn to control my powers, and for Helena to learn some breathing techniques that will make her less out of breath after a fight. So if need be, she can run after the person who she was fighting. I will not be able to learn any of that until I learn what Helena already has learned. I still haven't done too much training with the weapons.
I walked into my room and got out my favorite CD, Tracy Chapman, then followed Barbara in to the training room. "Uh, you've gotta do sweeps with Helena to-"
"Either your spider senses are REALLY tingling and you feel that something bad is going to happen tonight, or you have plans with Wade..." I said to her, putting my CD into the boom box.
"Geeze, that is almost exactly what Helena said." Barbara looked really vexed. "Only I think you put it in nicer terms than what she said." I smiled.
"That's my Helena." I said proudly. "So, what do you want to use, nunchucks, daggers, swords, cross bows, regular bow and arrows, paint guns-" I asked, but I was cut off.
"The mind." Barbara interrupted me.
"We used the mind everyday for the last 4 months. When can I beat you in a sword fight?" I asked. This is an old argument and we both knew it, but I was still going to try it to see if Barbara will ever cave in and let me fight with 'the really fun toys'.
"You can start training with those after you learn to use and control your most valuable weapon." I sighed. She didn't cave in this time, and I knew I'd try again the next time we trained.
"Alright, Barbara." She nodded as if to tell me that I knew better. I walked over to the boom box and was about to press play, when Barbara who was already there, grabbed my hand and took it away from the CD player gently as if to a child who was about to touch a hot burner.
"We will try without your music today." I didn't get a chance to ask her why. "Unless I am playing Tracy Chapman or Enya into your comlink, you will not be listening to your CD's on sweeps or in a fight when you will really need your powers. You relax great with your music and are able to control your powers perfectly, but never have I seen you control it without your music playing. Then, after we find out that you can control it without music, I will try to help you control your powers while listening to rock, rap, and any other music, since most times, if there is any music at all, you will be hearing loud rock or rap in a club or bar scene." I nodded. "Alright then, sit down here, and we will start with the meditations I taught you yesterday."
I am waiting in my room for Dinah to finish up with her training. It is taking a longer time this time. Barbara told me it would, but they must be training hard today. We were going to watch 'Ghost' while Barbara got ready for her little date with Wade. I think I saw 'Ghost' a long time ago when I was like... 9. It has Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi Goldberg. Sounds like a pretty interesting movie from what I can read from the back of the case. Dinah had rented it because she said it used to be her favorite movie when she was a preteen and she hasn't seen it since she was 13 years old. I can hear REALLY loud music being played from the training room. Rap, I think. I can imagine Dinah's cringe as she trained to the music. I personally liked it, but I bet Dinah is silently (or not so silently) wishing for her Enigma or her new CD that played popular songs on the piano. I am glad that I am with Dinah. She makes me happy. There is a part of me that I shut away, but Dinah makes me open up to that part without really trying. I am just confused about Reece. I do not feel that way as much with him. I never did, really. What I feel is different somehow. I just heard the rap music go off. I waited for Dinah, hoping she was finished, but I heard louder heavy rock playing. It is my Bif Naked CD now. I was rocking out. Poor Dinah. How long is Barbara gonna hold my girl hostage in there? Doesn't she have a man to annoy? Usually training is about an hour long, or at least it is for me. Today, it seems like they've been in there for almost 3 hours. I just heard Reece's ring calling for me. Twice. Must be urgent. Gotta go.
"Reece's ring." I said, looking for a reason, any reason to stop training for the day. Barbara was being a bit of a bully, as childish as that sounded.
"Helena can handle it most likely, since the DELPHI system hasn't gone off." Damn DELPHI system. I thought bitterly. Barbara and I trained for what seemed like another hour, but it was only another 10 minutes before she said I could go. By then Helena had gone to answer the call, so after my own shower (without hot water because Helena stole it all) I just got bored sitting around the den and then finally I hung out in my room until Barbara left me to go on her date, so I was bored and alone in the Clocktower. The Clocktower is bigger when it is empty. To pass time, I made a collage from a few magazines. The theme was 'to be or not to be normal?'. (I told you I was bored.) Then I wrote a letter to Gabby. She doesn't know that I am going out with Helena. I haven't told her mainly because Helena doesn't really want our relationship to be known, mostly because she says that we had enough on our plates and didn't need to add handling homophobic people. Me, I d! o !not care either way. I just care that she is with me period. Where the hell is she?
I've just checked the clock for the 4th time since the hour started. It is 4 in the morning!! 4:19 to be precise. Where is she? I am getting worried. I am worried that something happened to her so that she couldn't communicate on her comlink thingy. Oh please have that not be so. Who knows, maybe she just decided to go on sweeps alone since she was already out and about. I was looking forward to a little butt kicking tonight. It has been about 9 hours... I do not recall her ever being gone this long without checking in at least once with Oracle. Barbara hasn't come back either, but I am not worried about her. She will most likely be home before I have to go work with Gibson in No Man's Land. Gibson has hired a couple of helping hands for the summer, so he doesn't need me everyday for 3 hours like he used to during the school year. Now I work more hours for three days a week, and he pays me a regular paycheck now, so I put it in Helena's other bank account, the one that is under a false name. Usually Helena is working at the bar then, so I do not worry about it.
Last night was a little bit of a blur, but unfortunately, I remember what happened for the most part. When Detective Jesse Reece had called me on his ring, I waited for a few minutes for Dinah, but she was still training with Barbara. Soon, though I had no choice but to leave. As it turned out, Reece wasn't in danger, nor did he need my help on any investigations. He asked me if I wanted coffee! I was so ticked off at that, but since I was out there, I said that I would, but it would be quick. We started talking about metahumans a what-not, and after we left the coffee house, Reece had kissed me. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I know, Reece is on his back in an alley somewhere. I don't know what to do. I wanted to tell Dinah this morning when she woke up, but I saw her in the den waiting for me to come back. I snuck past her, got the journal, and am now on the roof of a building almost a mile away from the Clocktower. Oh, man... I don't want to hurt Dinah. Well, I am sure I already have... Shit, I must tell her, I owe her that much, but what do I say? How do I word it? I do not think she knows that I was in and out of the Clocktower. It was a mistake, what I did. I felt nothing, truly. No passion, love, or... anything. Nothing stirred in my blood. I know from what happened that I would feel more love from Dinah in 5 minutes than I would from Reece in a year. I must tell Dinah the truth. She deserves that much at least. Time to face the music.
"Dinah?" I heard Helena's voice coming closer to me. I was half asleep sitting by the DELPHI system, a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I was half awake by then, and thought at first I had fallen asleep and was dreaming that she was back. I looked at the clock on the wall. (I think I had fallen asleep for it was close to 9:30 in the morning.) Then, I got up and met her halfway. She was coming from her room, which means she was coming through her window. I was relieved to see her unharmed.
"Hey. Where have you been? I was worried sick. I thought you had gotten into a fight and was in a ditch somewhere not able to respond. I was going to leave at dawn if you didn't check in, but then I guess I fell asleep..." I opened my arms for a hug. She walked into it, but I didn't feel her wrap her arms around me in an embrace as she usually did. I hugged her anyway, then when I parted from the hug, I looked at her for a second. She looked like she'd seen a ghost. "Are you alright, Helena?" I asked her, getting worried again that something bad DID in fact happen.
"She's still with Wade, why?"
"Because I have to talk to you alone." I felt my eyebrows rise.
"Uh, sure." I said, not sure what else to say. This looked serious.
"Reece didn't need my help when he called for me. He asked me to coffee." I nodded. Sounds like Reece. He'd been through a lot in the last few months, and needed a friend to lean on, even if this 'friend' didn't seem to have a name. (He'd given up on asking her a long time ago, after his father's death.) Then she went on. "Well, he kissed me and-" I closed my eyes tightly. "Dinah, Reece and I-"
"I know, please don't say it." I pleaded. It could not have been worse if she had taken a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Or if she had been the one to reach into my soul and rip it from my body. I exhaled deeply, not realizing that for the last 15 or so seconds I was holding my breath.
"It meant nothing to me. I swear it on my life." I said nothing at first.
"You promised." Was all I managed to say to her as tears started to come to my eyes. I got up and was about to leave when Helena grabbed my wrist. As my body jerked back towards her, I had no choice but to let her see me cry.
"Dinah wait-" But she said no more as if to desperately search for something to tell me to make me stay and listen to her, but she only seemed to be coming up short. I took my wrist back and ran through the elevator doors. For what seemed like a few hours I walked around trying to figure out why Helena would do such a thing to me. I went to the only place I could think to go: No Man's Land, though the last time I ran off there, Gibson told on me.
"Dinah! Hey, Redmond!!" I turned to see a friend of mine from school named Mary Garfunkle. Occasionally, I would hang out with either her or Gabby. They aren't in the same crowd, so Gabby and Mary don't hang out much, except when the 5 of us (Mary's date, and Gabby's girl of the week had come with us) went to a dance a month back.
"Hey Mary." I said to her as I approached.
"Boy, you look like you took a beating."
"Training. Barbara and I were training and I threw a crowbar at myself on accident because Barbara had yelled something, making me lose concentration." I lied. That happened months ago, when I told Mary that I fell while cleaning the gutters. I suck at lying. The Clocktower doesn't have gutters. "Crap, that hurt. Gonna leave a bruise, no doubt." I said, rubbing my right thigh to prove a point. Mary knew that I trained with Barbara (Ms. Gordon to her), but she thinks it is for self defense because kids were trying to beat me up for being different. No one but Barbara knew that I was with Helena, though Mary got the hint that I was taken once when she had tried to set me up with this guy for the dance I just mentioned. That is why I didn't want to tell her why I was looking (and feeling) like crap.
"Tough break. Ah, see, if you had broken something, that would have been a cruel pun." She pointed out. I nodded. I looked at the taller girl standing in font of me. She has red hair that was long and down past her shoulder blades, green eyes, and semi-tanned skin from the New Gotham sun (and a tanning salon she took me to a while back). She had an awkward stance that she was in, almost a fighting stance as well as a relaxed one. She reminded me of Barbara somewhat with their looks being similar. Mary Garfunkle and I have a lot in common. She's a meta human as well. She can turn herself into wood, so naturally she's afraid of fire. She hates her powers as much as anyone I know with metapowers, but she likes the fact that if she wanted to, she can give people slivers that never seem to come out. (Well, not until like, a week after it was put in, but until it comes out it hurts like Hell. She gave me one for teasing her about a guy she liked, so I know what they're like.) She lives with her aunt about a 25 minute bus ride away from No Man's Land, so she hangs out there after school. Her parents disowned her, so she lives with her aunt, a metahuman herself, who can give herself more muscle for extra strength. Her aunt doesn't mind that Mary hangs out there. It was safer there than anywhere else in New Gotham.
"So where ya sittin'?" I asked, sounding a little too much like a zombie.
"I was just about to leave. You want to come over for dinner, maybe have a sleep over? You really look like you could use a friend."
"Thanks. And you know what? I really do." I admitted as I turned around and held the door for us. I turned back and yelled to Gibson at the counter, "I'll do a double shift on Monday. Let Nichola know."
"Alrighty, have fun you two." he replied.
"So, what's really got you down?" Mary asked after we got to the bus stop. We were the only ones there. I looked up at her from my gaze at the ground.
"I'm that transparent?" she nodded. I then sighed. Maybe talking about it would help some. "I don't want to think about it, but my significant other told me this morning that they cheated on me. I knew that the one they were with was... I had a feeling something would finally spark between them. I just... I was promised I wouldn't be hurt by them, and that promise has been broken. That hurts the most." We waited in silence for a minute, then Mary looked up at me as if a thought had dawned on her.
"You keep saying 'they' or 'them' instead of 'him' or 'he'. It is not a guy that broke your heart, is it?" I stayed quiet.
"No." I whispered.
"So, who is she? Have I met her?"
"She doesn't go to our school. She graduated a few years ago." I explained to Mary.
"That chick that sometimes walked you home?" Mary asked.
"Yes... Helena." I saw our bus down the street and dug into my pockets for the correct change.
"Ah." was all Mary said.
"What?" I asked her.
"Nothing." We found our seats near the back after paying our fares, and we sat in silence. The bus was pretty crowded. We were silent as the bus slowly got us 3 miles further away from No Man's Land... further away from Helena Kyle. We got off the bus about 20 minutes after we got on, then we walked two blocks. The silence was killing me, but there was no way I was going to break it.
"So, did Helena cheat on you with another female?" Mary asked all of a sudden.
'I think I preferred the silence.' I said to myself. Instead, I looked over at Mary and shook my head. "No, she was with a cop friend of hers. Jesse Reece." Mary silently repeated the name a few times as if to remember it. "The detective that came to the school and investigated the school when Hannah Levenya was framed for the murder of the new guy... Jason-"
"Jason Wert" she said. "Yes, I remember the detective now. He's hot... What happened to that investigation?" I shrugged, though I knew that Jason Wert was killed by a drug dealer from his hometown that was meta. The drug dealer was able to make strong winds. I helped Helena fight him, but he had gotten away. "Well, you can stay over tonight, and we can rent movies from the rental store we just passed, get sick off of ice cream and Leonardo Dicaprio. Sound good?" she asked, nudging me. I had to laugh. I already do get sick off of Leonardo Dicaprio, since he was all Mary talked about, but I nodded.
"Great." I hoped the weekend will be good. I didn't know what to do about the situation right at that point, so I just left it hanging. I knew it would make things worse for when I got back. As we walked up the driveway to Mary's house, Mary dug into her purse for her house key as I took off my com set. When we entered the kitchen, I asked if she had any tin foil. Mary looked at me funny, but showed me the roll and I took off a small piece. "It keeps my jewelry from creating a magnetic force to my keys. I could never get them unstuck." Mary nodded, but I could tell she didn't believe me. She always thought I was the odd 'Zippergirl', (should that be my superhero name? I'm kidding. I think that some people at New Gotham High would already know it was me.), so by now, she's learned to smile and nod.... I put the tin foil around my com set. I did this because then I wouldn't be tracked by Barbara or Helena (unless she came looking for me here), and if they tried to contact me, all they would get was a loud high pitched noise that will drive them to turn it off. A little trick Helena taught me when I first started to do sweeps with her, so thank you Helena.
I just got back from Mary's house. I had a pretty fun weekend. Well, it worked in taking my mind off of Helena anyway, but only for maybe an hour at a time. Everything reminded me of her, and what she did. We rented Grease and The Craft. Olivia Newton John and John Travolta's characters reminded me of Helena and myself. Sandy was shy, well mannered (when she wanted to be) and... blonde, like me. The other guy, Danny, was tough, looking good in leather, and dark haired... like Helena. Near the end we tried to change ourselves for each other, but we liked each other the way they were. I had put my com set on when I was walking from the bus stop to No Man's Land. Less than ten minutes later, Barbara contacted me on it. She chewed me out really good before I got angry and broke a few dishes. I am grounded again, but it's not like it matters, really. The only place other than the Clocktower, school and No Man's Land was wherever Helena and I decided to go. I had gotten back from my shift and Barbara chewed me out some more. I ignored most of it, and finally after she realized I had been tuning her out since 'You must not go running off into such a dangerous city..." , she excused me into my room and I have been here since. The Clocktower is quiet now. Too quiet, it seems. I hate it. Oh, I hear Helena's bedroom door open and close again. Helena, do you still love me? Or do you love Jesse now? I need to know. My heart is filled with too much love for you to fill it with any type of hatred, but it hurts. It hurts so badly...
Dinah came back today. We didn't know where she went, but I wouldn't be surprised if she went to Gabby's or Mary's. They are her friends. I knew she wouldn't run to No Man's Land, unless it was her shift. Well, it was, but Gibson was a nark, so maybe she decided to skip her shift. I had gone by there just in case she decided not to skip that one. Barbara tried to tell her how worried we were and all that, but Dinah wasn't listening. I miss her, even though I know she's in the next room now. What have I done? I am so STUPID! I ruined what had to have been the best thing that will ever happen to me. I want to tell her that I regretted what happened as soon as it was all said and done, but I know now that I will never be able to get her to talk to me. And I don't blame her one bit. I would stop talking to her if the same happened in reciprocal characters. Dinah, Dinah, Dinah... I can't go back in time, I do not have that power. I need you Dinah.
My head lifted from my knees when I heard sobbing coming from the next room. I slowly got up and went to the wall that disconnected Helena and me. Slowly, I touched it with care. I left my room and stood next to Helena's door. Hard rock shouted angry lyrics, but the voice that overlapped the music was miserable. My heart ripped apart again. I sat against the wall that separated the two doors, then I went back into my position of head upon my knees. I'm not sure exactly how long I was sitting there like that, but after a long time, I heard a door open and close, and then an electric whirring sound. Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. The sobbing behind me hadn't ceased much.
"I'll make us some cocoa." Barbara said. It wasn't a suggestion, but a statement, and I knew it meant I had to get up and follow her into the kitchen. As Barbara got out the hot chocolate packets and the kettle ready for boiling, we were silent, and I was getting very uncomfortable. I felt better sitting next to Helena's door as she sobbed and my heart ripped apart slowly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you today, Dinah, but you ran off without a word and I was very worried. I wasn't told until later on that Helena and you were having... problems. I didn't realize it before. I guess we're now on the same boat."
"Or drowning in the same river." I said in a low tone. Then I realized what she was saying. "What happened with you and Wade?"
"Er- Let's just say we weren't meant to be." I frowned, then my face turned sympathetic and sad. Does this mean Helena and I aren't meant to be either? I asked myself. Barbara and I sighed in unison. The tea kettle started to hiss, scaring me. I jumped, then relaxed when I found it wasn't the DELPHI system that was going off. After a minute or two, Barbara handed me a mug.
"Thanks, Barbara." I took a sip and burned my tongue. I said a word that is not normally in my vocabulary, and Barbara looked up at me in shock.
"Dinah!" she scolded.
"Sorry." I blew into my cup to cool the liquid in it.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"About...?" I asked, being stupid. I knew damned well what about.
"You know, about whatever it is that made you run away, and Helena cry. I have never heard Helena cry this hard." she said calmly.
"No, I do not want to talk about it. I'm sure you have already been told what happened from Helena." I said quickly.
"Yes, but I would like to hear your side of things. How do you feel about it?" I remained silent. I was caught off guard some, though I knew she would ask me eventually. I didn't want to think about it. I took another sip of hot chocolate to find it was now cool enough to drink. Then, I pushed it away from me a little bit.
"I was worried when Helena took so long. I was about to do a sweep to see if she was alright. Finally, when she did get back, she seemed afraid to touch me. She said she had to talk to me, and she confessed that she and Reece were together during that time. I care more that Helena broke her promise to me. She said... She said she'd never hurt me." I looked down, letting my hair fall over my eyes to help hide my tears from Barbara. "An addiction is hard to have when the supply is gone. A-And an addiction to love seems so much worse. To become so used to it, to need it, want it... Then have it-" I fought hard to fight the tears. "Taken away..."
"But Helena still loves you." I had nothing to say to that. Did I know that? I think deep down there was hope, but I wasn't sure about anything anymore, except for the fact that I was hurting. Everything inside seemed to shut off, and I would never tell Barbara, but even my powers have stopped. I do not hear thoughts of other people any more, and I am not sure if that is a blessing or a concern.
"I'm sorry I'm not what she needs." I muttered, not sure if Barbara heard me or not. I swallowed the last bit of cocoa as I saw girls in bars drinking back shots.
"Thanks for the cocoa, Barbara." I said after getting up.
"Yeah, sure. No problem." she said, dazed, as if she was in her own world. I walked towards my room and saw Helena exciting hers.
"I'm sorry." she mouthed. I stopped in my tracks as Helena resumed her trek to- uh- where ever it was she was going. I then walked slowly into my room and closed the door.
The DELPHI system has been quiet for a few days now, and everyone is wallowing in her room. Alfred is going insane. He is bored, always coming by the door and asking if I want this or that, with the answer almost always being the same. I have only left the Clocktower to go on sweeps and to No Man's Land. Today was a day off. I hear voices down the stairs. My name! Now I have to go see what they are talking about.
I snuck carefully out of my room and to the top of the ramp. There, I sat, listening to the conversation.
"... I wish she understood that." Helena was saying.
"You have to remember that Dinah has abandonment issues to sort out. Black Canary had no choice but to leave her with the Redmond's who rarely showed affection towards her. She thinks, weather or not she realizes it, that it is her fault that people treat her this way. That is why you must tell her." Barbara replied. Helena sighed.
"I don't know how." she said slowly.
"Tell her what you told me. Exactly what you told me."
"You have nothing to lose." She said, cutting her off before she could come up with another excuse.
"Okay, I will tell-" Just then, Reece's ring went off. Helena had a small look of annoyance on her face. She HATES being cut off. I was getting up, ready to go back into my room, when the DELPHI system went off as well.
"DINAH!!!!" I heard Barbara yell. I ran down the ramp. "Time to change in the phone booth." She said as she threw me the keys to the Jeep. (She said that every time I went with Helena to these things. Really, no matter how much I try to convince her other wise, we do not wear masks and hide our faces.) I caught them with one hand and ran after Helena. "6th and Lilac!" Barbara called after us. Helena started to jump buildings, yelling behind her that she will meet me there. I got in the car and drove as fast as I could to the location given. Well, without running anyone over and/or getting a ticket. I reached the location, and saw that it was a robbery in progress at a Jewelry store, but progress is slow since Huntress was now beating the tar out of 2 of the 10 or so men, and one woman. I bust into the scene and grabbed the man that was choking her and started attacking him while Huntress rubbed her neck. Then she went into action. There were 11 in all. THUD! Make that 10 in all. I concentrated on the unconscious man's weapons, but nothing happened.
If I can use my emotions, maybe they will give my powers a boost, and we can get out of this alive. I thought to myself. I started to think about Al Hawk as more men advanced on me, but again, nothing happened. I didn't even get all that angry. It was as if I didn't care about him anymore. I need something that would really set them off. I looked at Helena's possess, and flashes of the last couple of weeks filled my mind. I felt hunger, anger, hurt, love, and fear seem to boil my blood and mix my powers into it. I felt a sharp pain near my left temple as I felt all these emotions at the same time, and then concentrated on all of the weapons the men carried. They all went into a large whirlpool and they began hitting the crooks with a big force.
"Hunt-tresssss." I said her name wearily. "Duck!" I told her as the pain in my head started to get worse. Glass shattered as one of the weapons flew out of the window. The small tornado went towards the men in front of me, and I tried to stop it after they fell over. My head was throbbing now. I tried to stop the weapons, but I couldn't, and before I could move out of the way I was hit as well. I heard a gun shot go off, but I didn't feel anything.
I woke up slowly to find I was alone, and there was fog everywhere. "Canary?" a voice echoed. "Wake up." I looked around to find no one was there. I was alone. I looked down and saw a small amount of blood on my shirt. It was from my mouth. I could taste it. "Come on, Canary. Please wake up." I at first couldn't recognize the voice.
"I'm awake, Huntress!!" I shouted.
"Come on... Barbara! Canary's been hurt! I'm getting her to the Jeep right now. I'll be there in a few minutes." My face tingled a little bit.
"I'm awake. Where are you?" I asked, getting off of the cold ground, and looking for her.
"She's not here, where you are." I turned around at my own voice and it was like looking into the mirror. She even had the blood on her shirt and her lip was swollen and bleeding like mine. The only difference was, she had a mask and a cape on.
"You are here, inside. You can not talk, and you can not move where she is." The reflection said 'she' as if it was a poison or something bitter in her mouth that she had to eat. She pointed at me, "You are trapped." I looked her up and down a couple times, as she did the same to me.
"Where am I? Who are you?" I asked her, squinting my eyes.
"You are in the worst place you could ever possibly go. Inside yourself. I," she pointed to herself, "am Canary, or at least your vision of what Canary was supposed to look like." I looked up above me. "You are unconscious out there, to them. They cannot hear you." My figure pointed at me again.
"How do I get out?" I asked... myself.
"Why would you want to? There is nothing out there for you." she hissed, getting angry now. It was like I was betraying her for wanting to leave. "There is no happiness, no... love."
"I have friends." I told her.
"They are not your friends. They do not love you, nor do they trust you. They think you are out to kill them in their sleep. They do not want such a liability on their hands, in their secret lair." Canary, I guess, took a step towards me. I took a step back. "I am all you have left, and you don't even trust me. I am the only one you can love and always be loved in return, but you do not love me do you, Dinah?" I said nothing as I took a step back. My figure closed her eyes and the fog lifted. We were at a grave site. It was the only one there, it seemed. "Helena doesn't love you. Look what she did. LOOK, NOW!" she yelled. I frowned and looked at the tombstone. All it said was 'Soul'. More fog lifted and next to it was another one that said 'Will'.
"Helena didn't do this. I did." I protested.
"Why do you defend her?" she barked. "Why?!"
"Yes, I know. You love her." She seemed to mimic me. Out of nowhere, weapons of all sorts appeared. "I am sorry, Dinah. Choose your weapon."
"Huh?" I was beyond confusion then.
"We will have a duel. Whomever wins takes control."
"No!" I yelled.
"You cannot regain control. You have to go through me first." I heard voices echoing above me.
"What was she doing before she passed out?" I heard Barbara's voice ask Helena.
"Dinah was using her power, and she made a tornado of weapons. It was cool, because it was beating the crap out of everyone. She was trying to get it to stop when it hit even her, and she was knocked out."
"I've never seen her do anything like that. Did you see what she was looking at when she made this thing?" Barbara asked.
"She looked at me a few times, but I do not think that was before she started it." Helena stated. "Why, what are you thinking about?"
"Dinah must have used her emotions to help her powers so she could help out. The thing is, instead of anger as she usually does, she used a different emotion. Love. Maybe hurt and sadness played a part in it as well. Anyway, those emotions must have been too strong for her, and they took over her powers."
"So, what you said was true..." Helena trailed off. I looked down at the different weapons on the ground.
"I do not want to fight you. If I kill you, I kill me too." I said to the reflection. She smiled oddly, almost as if she's known the answer the whole time, but didn't want to say anything.
"It won't be a fight to the death." I felt myself get nervous at her words. There was a loud beeping sound, then Barbara's voice.
"Her heart rate is speeding up. Something is going on inside her."
"What?!" Helena asked, getting alarmed.
"I do not know what is going on. Let me run a few scans." I looked up and then I looked over at my mirror image.
"I am not going to fight you." I repeated. "This is my body, and I will take control." I said as firmly as I could. She laughed as if I was only a child sticking up to a bully twice her size. My mirror image didn't even look at the weapons on the ground, yet one of the large swords flew to her hands. She stood, ready to fight. I thought about the dagger on the ground and waited as it slowly floated towards me. The image laughed at me.
"Dinah, Sunny Delight, please wake up. I know you are in there." I felt my hand tingle some. I think on the outside she was holding it.
"Helena, she will not respond. Look at this, her brain waves are moving very fast. She's in there, but I think something else is in there as well." Barbara said.
"Dinah! Come on!" The evil me yelled, grabbling my attention once again. My mirror image swung her sword. I defended as much I could with the dagger, but I wasn't doing too well. Twice she nicked my arms. Then she threw the sword on the ground and started to attack me with her fists. "I thought I'd give you a fighting chance. Ah! A pun!"
"Oh, you're sooooo funny." I said dryly. I was glad that I could defend myself against her better now. I wasn't sure if I should fight her head on. She might be able to match my moves (being me and knowing everything I do and all). There would really be no point.
"Look at this! She's shaking. Something's really wrong. Remember when we first met Dinah, and she brought us into your mind to help you fight? You're gonna have to do the same."
"Why me?" Helena asked seeming taken aback.
"You know why. You're going to have to go in there." Barbara said firmly to Helena.
"She's not going to let me in." Helena said quickly, quietly.
"YES I WILL!!" I shouted. My voice echoed, but it only bounced around us and made my head start hurting some.
"Try. If this keeps up I'm afraid she'll die. Whatever is attacking her is going to kill her." Barbara said to her. I looked up and tried to concentrate on the voice, but the mirror image of me wouldn't have it.
"I will not let you bring her in here!" She said fiercely.
"I don't know how..." Helena was saying.
"I will go see if I can find a way in without her, but I think that is our only hope. Talk to her, see if she responds." Barbara said. I felt a force hitting my chest area.
"Once she frees you, you will have nothing to live for. Why let her bring you back into the world of pain and suffering? You are different, but here, EVERYTHING is different, and you have nothing to prove. Helena will not love you once you're back." the image said. It was like Fear and Anger was teamed up against Love and Hurt... Canary against Dinah. I was on the side of Love and Hurt... Dinah, I guess, was who I was at the moment. I shook my head. She kicked me, making me fall to the ground, and there she kicked me again and again, making me curl into a ball. My side hurt really badly. I started to get up when her foot held me to the concrete feeling ground.
"Dinah, please, listen to me." Helena's voice was fading. "I will do anything. ANYTHING if you just do what you can to get me in there. We will get you out of there together. I'll... I'll even put on fishnet stockings and sing 'If I Could Turn Back Time' by Cher... ANYTHING. Come on!"
"She doesn't hate me or anything. She'd do a song and dance for me..." I laughed, then grunted as I was kicked in the side. "Okay." I said angrily. I concentrated on the tingling of my hand.
"I do not want to have to live without you..." Helena said, sounding like she was about to cry. That did it. I imagined Helena holding my hand tighter, and then I imagined tugging her towards me. Suddenly, Helena was kneeling next to me. She looked around quickly, then down at herself, where she had her long braid, but the leather was still there. She seemed half Helena Kyle, and half Huntress. A sheep in wolves' clothing...
"No! Why did you do that?! Don't you realize she's going to kill you? She'll kill us both." Helena looked from me to the mirror image. The eyes on my mirror image started to glow red. My own eyes widened. Helena was trying to help me up, but I felt I couldn't move. My side hurt too much, and so did my chest.
"Come on, we'll kick ass together." Huntress said in a rough voice.
"I... I can't. If I kill her, I die as well. My side is hurt, and I think something's broken." I whined.
"Look over yonder, and you will see what you have done to us. Why don't you leave?! You aren't wanted here." My mirror image said to Helena. She looked over to where Canary was pointing, and she saw the tombstones marked 'Soul' and 'Will', obvious metaphors of what I had been feeling for a while.
"Oh, Dinah." she murmured. "I'm so sorry." She looked back to me and stroked my hair. I looked up at her and felt a tear come to my face as I felt my head hurt some. It wasn't the sharp pain, but the normal headache I get when I want to throw something with my powers. "Find it. Find the will, and together we will fight it. Together we will win, because we are Canary and Huntress. We are unstoppable together. I want-" Helena looked up suddenly, and so did I, just as both tombstones had vanished. My side stopped hurting some, and I felt I could move again. "Come on." she took my hand and helped me up. "Well, whatta ya know?" Helena asked sarcastically.
"This is a mistake. She will only hurt you if you get out of this alive."
"Shut up!" I yelled. Helena grabbed my hand.
"Are you alright?" She asked me. I looked up at her face.
"My wounds will heal." I said. On the outside... I thought, but it seemed like a whisper in the wind, and everyone heard it.
"Alright..." Helena said slowly, sounding a little hurt. "Then let's kick ass." I nodded.
"Be careful, she has most of my powers and-"
"Then take 'em back!" I heard her say as she ran towards my mirror image. She looked back at me, and one of her eyes changed. She was ready for a battle, well half of her was. They started to kick, punch, and block each other. It was a storm of violence. I looked around and all I saw was fog. I concentrated on it and it lifted, showing a swampy area. The concrete-like floor was gone, and it turned into the wet grassy area. I noticed that I had done it. I looked over at my mirror image, who seemed to match Helena move for move, and I took away her powers and transferred it to me. It took more concentration, since I couldn't look at it. I had to imagine my powers as flowing specks of light in her blood. I imagined it jumping from her to me, and I felt it mix in my blood once more. "Dinah, I can't seem to fight as I usually do!" Helena said over her shoulder, panicked.
"Because you aren't fully Huntress right now. You seem to be Helena Kyle right now more than Huntress in here, and Helena Kyle didn't know much about fighting. What did Helena Kyle know about 7 years ago?" I asked as I focused on lifting all of the fog. Suddenly, Helena looked over at me, then over at my mirror image and said something to her that I didn't hear. The image stopped fighting her and stepped away. I frowned in confusion. Helena reached out her hand, and reluctantly Canary placed her hand on top of it. The eyes stopped glowing as her whole body shook at the unexpected results of her touch. I ran over to them.
"You may go." The image said, keeping her eyes on Helena. I looked over at Helena as the figure disappeared.
"What did you say to her?" I asked, bewildered.
"I'll tell you later." She gave me her hand, and I took it. "Let's get out of here. It is creepy in here." I have a feeling it won't be anymore. I thought to myself as I imagined the both of us jumping out. I saw black for a few seconds. "Okay, you're scaring me now. Open your eyes right now and tell me you love me again." I let my eyes open and I turned my head towards Helena. Tears were in her eyes, and her hand was still holding onto mine.
"Again?" I asked her. "Helena, I never stopped." I saw a tug at the corners of Helena's lips.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, and I am sorry I didn't talk to you about this. It could have been too late..." She trailed off.
"I am okay now, thanks to you." I looked around some to see I was on my bed, and there was a small bandage on my head and some medicated lip gloss on my lips. I felt that the swelling had gone down. Then I looked up into Helena's eyes.
"It is you I love, Sunny Delight. You alone."
"Um, what did you say to the other me to make her let us go?"
"I asked her if she loved me." Helena replied.
"That's it?" I asked.
"Did she say anything back?" I asked, eager to see what would make the other image disappear.
"I held out my hand for her to see the truth. We seemed to have a short connection when we touched, and she saw what I felt, how I feel. I told her that I love you, and I was telling her the truth." I smiled lightly. She took some of my hair and tucked it behind my ear.
"I love you too." I replied.
"Are we okay now?"
"Yeah, I think we are." I murmured.
"Okay." She kissed my forehead. "Get some sleep okay?"
Dinah is resting now in her room. She had just fallen asleep. No big outer injuries, but she must feel like shit inside. I do not know who I was fighting, but they hated me. Did Dinah deep down hate me? Was that hatred overpowered by love? Was I fighting an inner self... Canary perhaps? Were we in a place where even she was afraid to go to? I am now in my own room. It seems so dark where we were, inside Dinah where nothing seems to dwell. It seemed so empty as if everything around her had abandoned her. That must be what Barbara meant. Dinah shouldn't feel as if it was her fault I did what I did. It was me being stupid Huntress Kyle. That was who I was. That is who I am. Half Huntress, and half Helena Kyle... Huntress Kyle. That's me.
I felt a presence in my room when I woke up again. Wait, two presences in my room, but I didn't open my eyes. My head hurt and doing so would make it a little worse. "Hey." It was Detective Reece.
"Hi." Helena said.
"How is she doing?"
"She's just sleeping."
"We cuffed them all, thanks to her. Even McFey was locked up. We've been looking for him for over a year." There was a small silence between them. "Look, it seems-" Reece started to say at the same time Helena said,
"What happened between us can never happen again." Reece stopped talking. "I'm sorry- I made a mistake and I hurt the one I love. I wish I could take it back, but I can't." I took in a slow deep breath as I would if I was in a deep sleep. That made the room go silent some.
"I'm sorry too." He sounded a little hurt. "I didn't know. I hope things work out between the two of you."
"Me too. Even though she doesn't deserve me."
"She?" Reece asked. I heard surprise in Jesse Reece's voice.
"Yes." The pause was short. "I love her." She gave a short giggle as if to recall something funny. "Never felt this way about a female before, and I highly doubt I ever will again."
"Yeah." Detective Reece said.
"Thanks. You know, for understanding."
"No problem, I mean she's lucky to have you."
"No, I'm lucky to have her." I surprised a smile. I think Reece was waving goodbye, because I heard footsteps, and then Helena said "Bye." There was more footsteps and when they disappeared, she said "I was talking about you." I remained silent and frozen as if I hadn't heard her because I was asleep. "Oh come ON! You can stop pretending to be asleep. Besides, I need to talk to you." I opened my eyes.
"I'm starting to hate those words." I mumbled at her, as I looked in her direction. She took my hand in hers. "How'd you know I wasn't asleep?" I asked with a tired voice.
"Pul-leeze. I've watched you sleep so many times, it is easy to tell the difference." I grinned. "How are you feeling?"
"Actually, quite chipper." I said. "A small headache, but nothin' Advil won't cure. I wish I could heal quicker... I am just glad the last 6 days are over."
"They were Hell." Helena added.
"Yeah. I wish I could be more like you." I told her.
"Why would you want to be anything but yourself?" She asked as if being her wasn't a good idea.
"When someone wrongs you, they are quick to know, since you either let them know, or you beat the snot out of them. I, on the other hand avoid them, and look where that gets me. Most times they never find out just how much they hurt me. Like the Redmond's, or my mother."
"Well," She said, "Sometimes beating the snot out of them is the only way to get them to... cooperate." Helena said, looking for the right word. She squeezed my hand a little at the same time I laughed. We were silent some, then I looked at the wall.
"You know, I do not think fishnet stockings would look all that great on you. I see you as more of a... Marilyn Manson's 'Tainted Love' chick that was in Not Another Teen Movie." I told her. Helena looked almost horrified.
"You have got to be kidding me. I didn't think you'd heard me."
"I could hear you and Barbara talking about what was going on with me. I heard you telling me that you'd do that if I woke up, ha ha. I think I would have gotten really scared if you did. Don't worry, I don't see you as a Cher girl anyway."
"Good, cause I'm not."
"Ha ha ha."
Finally, I am well enough to write in here. It has been two days. Mostly sleeping and talking to Helena and Barbara in bed. I told Helena and Barbara what had happened after I was knocked out, and before I drug Helena into my mind. To recap, Helena and Reece are friends, but things seem sort of awkward between them. Reece knows where the Clocktower is obviously, because I stupidly locked the keys in the Jeep, and so Reece had to drive me home. He comes in to check on me, and to talk to Barbara about the newest investigation that has nothing to do with metahumans. Speaking of Barbara, she talked to Wade, and I think things are okay between them. I mean, at least (I think) they are friends. She won't give me anything other than they are alright now. As for Helena and I, I think it will take a little while, but I think our relationship will survive. Alfred told us the other night that he has retired, but he will still come over now and then to 'check up on you girls'. He'll miss us. I will miss him. He was always nice to me when Helena wasn't. I'd always be able to talk to him. Mary so far hasn't told anyone about Helena being my girlfriend (partially because I threatened to make her use her own power on her self and give herself a painful splinter. I was joking, but she said she'd never tell). I'm supposed to be working at No Man's Land, but Gibson said I don't have to worry about going in again until after the school year starts. Barbara said that I still need to work on my mind, and control my powers, but she said I can take a break for a while and start learning how to use a couple weapons, but I had to train with Helena since I would never harm her, even in training. Speaking of the mind, after what happened, I haven't been able to hear a single thought except for my own. Nor can I enter people's minds to control them. I still have the power to walk into other people's minds, but I can not control them in any way. Which is good. Who knows what I'd make people do if they pissed me off enough. Barbara is thinking about letting me go on regular sweeps regardless of school nights (only on Sunday nights if I start early). School starts up again unfortunately, but until then I am free to do sweeps. I think she trusts me know.
It's been about a month since that entry was written and I was by then fully recovered inside and out. School did start, and I do not think I will have such a bad school year this year (so now I can stop skipping and going to No Man's Land, since Gibson will most likely page Barbara telling her where I am). I get pretty bored after school, since I was told that No Man's Land was closing for about a month for remodeling. I might go help out, but I do not think he needs it for remodeling. Gibson said he wanted to add another floor under the secret room for a home for metas that are homeless and runaways. Had he had that a year ago, I would have probably been brought there by Helena, instead of living in the Clocktower.
Anyway, today, about a week into October, I am in my room again, reading a book. Pop Tarts had to work today. I bought her some Pop Tarts (blueberry with frosting, her favorite kind) on the way home from school, since Barbara ate the last Strawberry packet for a snack in school. I put them on her bed about 10 minutes ago. I hear creaking in the kitchen and freeze in my book. Nothing. I do not believe in ghosts. Helena must be home, that girl walks so silently it scares me, literally all the time. I walk slowly out of my room, in case it wasn't Helena and someone who had found out where we hide. Someone bad. I walked slowly into the kitchen and was about to turn into the area of the DELPHI monitor system when I was jumped from behind. I gave a fight and as I fell to the ground I realized it was Helena. "ARG! Gerroffame!" I yelled. I playfully pushed her. She rolled, and thudded on the floor and looked at me as I caught my breath.
"Well, hello to you too." She said, looking happy.
"You must have kicked a few asses today. No one can be that happy and not have been violent during the day. Especially you."
"No, I got Pop Tarts." She said, placing a kiss on my forehead. "So that must mean that Barbara ate the rest of them, that pig."
"Helena!" I scolded, trying not to laugh. "That's mean."
"She knows I am kidding."
"Yeah." I sat up and used my fingers to comb my hair back out of my face as Helena got up. Then, she went into her room to retrieve the Pop Tarts. I found a place to become a shadow (about 3 feet off of the ground) and hid there for a few seconds before Helena came back looking for me. I jumped off of it, falling on her as she did to me, only when I did it, I got a little hurt as well. She seemed shocked as I pinned her down.
"Number one, I didn't even hear you this time."
"I know. And Number two?" I asked,
"Number two, you don't know how to pin people." She easily got out of the lock I thought I put her in, and I felt her pin me. " You give?" I nodded. "I win again, then." she said with finality. (Is that a word? I guess if it isn't, it is now.) "That's what you get for smishing my Pop Tarts." I started laughing as she released me.
"Smishing?" I repeated, trying the word on for size.
"Yes, smishing. You got a problem with smishing?"
"No, not at all."
"I thought not. Now, that makes me the winner... a billion times and you the winner... 4 times."
"Ex-CUSE me? That's a billion to FIVE, thank-you-very-much!"
"Sorry, I forgot about yesterday. You do understand that you only won because I took pity on you right?" I rolled my eyes at her. She opened the Pop Tarts and offered me a packet. I took it. After a while, I finished the first one, but left the other one as Helena threw the wrapper of hers away. "I must admit, you put up a pretty good fight today."
"I was hoping for the score to even up a little more. A billion to SIX." I shrugged it off. "Oh well."
"You going to eat that?" she asked, after a second or two of nodding. I shook my head and gave her the remaining Pop Tart. "I seriously don't know what is up with you and Pop Tarts"
"I could say the same to you." I retorted.
"You don't like Pop Tarts all that much." she said as if an alien had taken control of my body.
"Just one is filling. You seem to like them too much." I responded sort of quickly. She smiled.
Later on, Helena and I were sitting back to back on the floor in the den as we waited for Barbara to get back from a staff meeting. Helena was writing in her journal, and I was reading my book. It was a fantasy/romance book I found in the school's library when I was supposed to be looking for a few info books on Irish Myths. I found them, but I never read them. (Gabby took notes for me, and I took notes for our science class that she hates.) Suddenly, I snapped the hardback book shut. I felt Helena move some. I stopped leaning on Helena and I felt her stop as well; she turned around and looked at me. "What's up?" she asked me. I looked at her for a while and told her what I was thinking about a lot since I had gone into that odd coma.
"You scare me sometimes, Helena." I tucked some hair behind my right ear. She frowned some, but released it.
"You make my heart leap 1,000 beats a minute with just one touch, yet at the same time, you can crumble my whole world with one word." Goodbye. I thought horrified. "How can one person have so much power over me?" Helena didn't answer for a minute, and for a second, I thought she wasn't going to. She seemed to be thinking things through.
"I don't know. I-I didn't know you felt that way, not to that extent." I reached out and touched her cheek.
"Well, I do." I told her in a murmur. "I have never felt this way about anyone... ever. Of course, I have only been around for almost 17 years, but I don't know... Something tells me I will never feel this way ever again about anyone else." I said, frowning in thought.
"Of course you won't." Helena replied. Her statement surprised me because of how confident she seemed that she was right. My eyebrows raised.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because" she said, grabbing my hand. "You are mine again," she kissed me, then her eyes changed. "and I am VERY territorial."
"Really, now?" I asked her.
"Really." she replied before kissing me again.
|Part Three||Erin Griffin||Birds Of Prey||Main Index|