Knowing For Sure
by Erin Griffin
Rating: PG-13 (launguage)
Fandom: Home Room (movie)
Pairing: Deanna Cartwright/Alica Browning (canon kiss, very subtle subtext)
Summary: Post movie drabble
Author's Note: For anyone who hasn't seen Home Room, I highly recommend it for anyone who likes dark/light relationship/friendships. It really makes you think afterwards.
Alica said that if I walked the path she did, then I would be unfeeling, cold, dead inside. I don't think that is true. If Alica didn't care, then why did it hurt her so bad? Why was she in so much pain if she was so unfeeling? If she hated the world, then why did she still come to visit me? She didn't have to. I know she wants people to hate her, but I can't ever bring myself to. I wanted to at first, and I don't know why, but I couldn't see my day being complete without seeing her. Then she left, and I finally got out of the hospital. I felt like she healed me more than the surgeons did. I know she won't ever admit it, but she stayed with me because we were more alike than she wants to let off. And I know she won't admit this, but she wanted everyone to hate her, everyone but me. I loved that she let me see her. I loved that she told me- ME in that classroom what happened. Other people may have been in the room, but her eyes were focused on me the whole time. That means a lot. If you know Alica like I do, then you know how huge of a gesture that was. I knew. I knew and I loved her for it. And at graduation, when she broke down, I know she didn't want me to see that. She didn't want me to see her more vulnerable than I already had, but I did, and she let me hold her, and for once I felt so strong, so brave... needed. She told me later that she did need me. She'd never admit it to anyone else. I understand that. I am not afraid to let her know that I need her in my life. I once told her that I wanted to kiss her back, but I wasn't sure if she was just fucking with my head or not. She grinned and said that she could have been, she could not have been, that the chance had passed and I'd never know for sure. It is something I kick myself in the head for. I wish I hadn't gotten so scared that I called her a weirdo. I think I am in love with her.