Title: Waiting In Silence
Author: A.M Glass
Copyright: February 26th, 2005
Disclaimer: The characters from All My Children, belong respectively to Agnes Nixon, A.B.C. and the Disney Co. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.
Author s Note: This is fifth story in what I might have called my E-Mail series, except I've diverted from e-mail for this one and Mama. Let s just say that this story follows these ones: Dear Miranda, Re: Apology, Miranda, and Mama. One last thing, Miranda calls Bianca either Mom or Mommy, depending on the situation.
I guess I should say that Maggie is mentioned in this one and in the following stories.
Mama said this might help me while Iím waiting for you to wake up. Youíve been in the hospital for the pass three days and Grandma has been crying off and on since then, although she tries not to show it.
I know you two have had your problems in the past but I know that Grandma loves you very much. Grandpa Jack hasnít left her side and does everything for her. He made sure she had whatever she needed so she wouldnít have to leave you.
I donít think Grandma really knows how much she needs Grandpa Jack in her life.
Uncle Reggie stayed as long as he could Ė but he has that case heís trying in court and there was no way he could get a postponement on such short notice.
He wanted me to make sure I told you that he expects to see you up and around. He said something about a pick-up game you owe him.
Did you actually try to play basketball against Uncle Reggie? Where was I when this happened?
Greenlee and Simone have by a few times and they have told me not to worry about you, that youíre stronger than any stupid bar of soap.
I know youíre wondering about Aunt Kendall, sheís been here almost as much as Mama. They left a few minutes ago to give us some time alone. They both think itís important Iím here when you wake up, so youíll see someone familiar and wonít get scared.
You donít get scared Mommy. They donít know you like I do.
The doctors have run a few more tests as you havenít woken up like they said you would.
Grandma and Mama were having fits Ė although Mamaís classier about it.
Grandma was going on and on about who you were Ė who she is and that they had better get their act together Ė blah Ė blah Ė blah.
Mama said something to Grandma, who nodded and went to find Grandpa Jack.
You could tell the doctors thought Mama had stepped in to save them from Grandmaís rant. Oh Mommy, you should have seen it.
Mama leaned forward, smiling all the while and told them something.
I donít know what it was, but BOY Ė you should have seen them. The blood drained from their faces and all they did was nod their heads up and down so fast it reminded me of those bobble-headed dolls Maggie liked so much.
You know the ones that look like...
Umm, I think Iíll just keep the rest of that thought to myself. Iíd hate to think you might read this and see Iíve written something bad about someone you cared for Ė why? I donít know.
One day Mom Ė we have to have a long talk about her.
A really long talk.
Anyway, getting back to ďTake charge LenaĒ thatís what Aunt Kendall called her when the doctors rushed out of the room., they looked in my direction as they left. Iím kinda wondering if they were hoping I was old enough to make decisions for you, this way they wouldnít have to deal with either Mama or Grandma.
Of course thatís when Aunt Kendall decided to tell them they had to clear the rest of your medical treatment with Mama.
ďWhat are you talking about Kendall?Ē Mama asked.
Grandma asked her the same thing.
Well, I guess you never had Aunt Kendall get rid of the power of attorney you and Mama had drawn up all those years ago when you were still together.
Mama said she couldnít believe it and promptly sat down rather hard on the nearest chair, her head in her hands muttering things in Polish, Iím not allowed to think, let alone say.
Aunt Kendall explained that you had asked her to hold on to it, ďjust in case.Ē
Talk about planning for a contingency Mom.
Does that mean you never had one with Maggie?
You really have to wake up.
The heart monitor went off... a nurse came in and checked you out. Some lead came loose. She said you were all right Ė not to worry, it happens all the time.
How can I not worry? Youíre my Mother. I still need you.
Iíll be right back.
Iím back. Iíve been doing some thinking about Mama.
You know how I feel about her Ė donít you Mommy?
How I would call her Mama Lena Ė well, if you ever read this, youíll notice that Iíve been calling her Mama.
She usually corrects me about it, not this time Ė she hasnít said a word, neither has anyone else.
So Ė you two have got to talk and start working on things. Iím not naÔve enough to believe that youíll both end up together as if by magic, but you could at least make an effort.
Mommy, Mama hasnít left your side since she got here two nights ago. She washes up in the bathroom and both Grandma and Aunt Kendall have tried talking her into getting some sleep Ė that she isnít doing you any good if she collapses before you wake up.
Mama would have none of it.
She said in no uncertain terms that she would rest soon as you woke up and she made sure you were okay.
Right now her place was with us. They stopped trying after that.
Do you know she talks to you when she thinks Iím sleeping?
She misses you so much, you can hear it in her voice Ė but sheís hurt. Iíve asked her before, what happened between you two Ė besides what Maggie told me.
I bet you never knew that while you were at work, Maggie was filling me in on your past.
All of it.
Yes Mom Ė I know all about dear old ďDad.Ē
She spoke about him. What he did to you. How Mama worked for him.
I hope heís rotting.
I wanted to talk to you about it but Fish... Maggie told me not to. She said it would break your heart bring either him or the worse night of your life up again.
Is it true you thought about having an abortion?
I... I think I can understand why youíd want to Ėbut then I realize I might not be here Ė writing in Mamaís journal if you had decided to go through with it..
I guess I donít have to tell you how happy I am that you decided to have me Ė let alone keep me.
Thereís something I need to know. Did Maggie ever love you?
With all the things she told me about you, Iím surprised you trusted her, let alone had anything in common with her. I know how you value your privacy and she basically spilled her guts.
I know about Frankie Ė Iím sorry sheís dead. Maggie said Frankie meant a lot to you, but Mom... EWWW!! How could you? I donít understand why... no, maybe I do. Maggie did show me Frankieís picture Ė identical twins... hmm, I wonder what your therapist would think about this little nugget of gold.
She brought up other things...
Funny thing was, they didnít match what Aunt Kendall told me.
She said that Maggie had shot you down a few times, telling you point blank she wasnít gay. On the other hand, Maggie said she had stepped aside when you started having feelings for Mama Ė that she didnít want to keep you from finding love, even if it wasnít with her.
Excuse me, but thatís the biggest crock of sh... merde, Iíve ever heard. Yes, you can tell the French lessons are paying off.
Maggie went on Ė how Mamaís suicide attempt was just her way of getting you back after you had broken up with her.
Is she out of her mind?
When I asked Aunt Kendall about it she... she couldnít believe it. She looked surprised Mom.
I havenít spoken to Mama about it. Itís in the past and it doesnít change how I feel for her. Iím happy she didnít succeed, but Iím also very sad to know she found herself in a very dark place with no way out.
I went to the local church and lit a candle - Iím not sure if it does anything, but I said a silent word of thanks for Aunt Kendall. If it hadnít been for her and Boyd going to see Mama...
I kinda felt better when I left, maybe thatís all thereís to it?
You know Iím going to tell Mama this journal stuff works. I think I might keep this up, maybe Iíll write about when we lived in Paris and the first time I saw Mama in person and not the photograph you have of her at the baby shower.
Iím getting sleepy, so Iíll end this here.
Wake up soon Mommy Ė I miss and need you, so does Mama.
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