Title: "Special Feelings"
Author: A.M. Glass
Copyright: April 13th, 2000
Disclaimer: Joss, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story is the sole property of the author.
Author's Note: I'd like to thank Kim for taking the time to beta the story for me, thanks alot. This is a song story, except I can't tell you who sang it, who wrote it and I'm only vaguely sure of the title of the CD it came from, "Quincy Jones Jukejoint." I had borrowed the CD from a friend of mine and taped a few songs from it, never knowing that five years later I would write a story using one of the songs, and I can't get a hold of my friend as she moved away and we lost touch.
Spoiler(s): "Who Are You? Part 2". A very small... brief mention of one scene.
Feedback: It always helps.
Tara closed the door to her room and leaned against it. She and Willow had just come from helping Buffy handle a slight problem on the campus grounds. So, Willow thought four vampires were a slight problem, how was she to know? Tara smiled as she thought of the red head, and knew her feelings for Willow were growing stronger every day.
Pushing herself from the door, she went to her radio and looked for the tape she hadn't listened to in years. It wasn't that she hadn't liked the songs anymore, it was just the simple fact that she had misplaced the cassette and had only recently found it again.
There was a song on the tape that gave her goose bumps each time she heard it, and now, more than any other time, she felt the song seemed to mirror her feelings for Willow. Finding the cassette, she popped it into her radio and pressed play, as she listened, she knew that she had a few minutes before the song she wanted to hear would come on. As she changed her clothes, noticing some dust on them, she briefly wondered how they; being Buffy and the 'Scobby Gang', managed to get the remains of vampires out of their clothes.
Tara knew that when the song finally played, she'd let the music take control. She realized that the lyrics made her feel what the singer; who's name she couldn't remember, was conveying through her voice. Tara closed her eyes as she sat down on her bed as the song began, listening as the first four verses were spoken rather than sung.
(Baby, I just want you to understand
Just exactly how you make me feel)
Tara wondered when she would work up the courage to finally tell Willow, how she felt. The lingering glances and brief touches were things she'd cherish; they were something she could hold on to.
(Oooh yeah... I wanna feel you next to me)
Maybe that was asking for a bit much this early. The closest they had gotten to that, was during the spell; it was so... erotic in nature. For although they only touched hands, it was... unforgettable.
'Here it comes,' Tara thought as she prepared herself for total immersion in the song.
(Time after time, when I'm feeling low...
Something inside of me let's me know, it's alright...
Love's on my side)
Tara couldn't even begin to think that Willow could possibly return her feelings. Granted there were times when she thought there was something in the way Willow looked at her. And during those exchanges, her body would tingle.
(When the world seems a lonely place)
And it had been for a long time, until a certain witch entered her life.
(I've got a dream that won't leave a trace of the blues)
How was it possible that it had taken her so long to find someone like Willow? Someone who didn't invade her dreams, but had some how become a part of them with a subtle ease and swiftness that took her by surprise.
(I just think of you)
Oh, she did do that, perhaps not all the time, but close enough.
(Baby I know...
I've got a real thing, here by my side...
Someone who needs me holding me tight)
'What I wouldn't do... wouldn't give to have her arms around me,' Tara thought.
(And these special feelings won't ever fade...
'Cause I knew... I knew from the start...
You put a move on my heart)
"Yes you did," she whispered as the song began to take hold of her senses and carried her on a journey.
Willow had left Tara earlier, when she realized as she was walking back to her dorm room, that she was still wearing the sweater Tara loaned her. Tara automatically offered her the sweater after she said it was getting cold and would not take no for an answer. Willow brought the sweater up to her face and inhaled Tara's scent and smiling. Shaking her head she hurried back to Tara's room.
She had told Buffy not to worry, that she had her cross with her and sent her off to Riley. When she neared Tara's room, she could hear music coming from the other side of the door.
Tara had lain back on her bed, her feet grazing the floor, she had begun to sing along silently. Her arms moved of their own accord, letting the emotions she held in check, out.
(Baby our loves' like a melody...
Playing for us in the sweetest of keys...
You can find the music of love)
Willow couldn't recall ever hearing the song before, and she thought she'd like to hear the rest of it. She raised her hand and knocked on the door.
Tara opened her eyes when she heard a knock on her door. She frowned briefly; no one ever knocked on her door. Well, no one except Willow, and she had left both Willow and Buffy earlier. Getting up, she went to the radio and stopped the tape, then went to the door.
Willow frowned when the music stopped, she had no way of knowing if Tara was listening to the song on the radio, or if she had it on cd. She watched as the door slowly opened.
"Willow... is... is everything okay? Are you alright?" Tara asked, visually checking her for any injuries she might have missed earlier. "Where's Buffy?" she said, looking behind Willow for the Slayer.
"I'm fine, Buffy's with Riley. Um...I... I just wanted to return your sweater," Willow replied, holding up the article of clothing in question. She really hoped that Tara hadn't noticed how nervous she was around her. And if she didn't know any better, her reactions reminded her of another time she felt this… giddy. 'No… that can't be it?' she thought questioningly.
"Oh," she nodded, "You didn't have to return it right away," Tara said, stepping aside so Willow could enter, if she wanted. Tara really hoped she would.
Willow stepped inside and was once again surrounded by a feeling she hadn't been able to identify as yet, it was as if she belonged here.
"Willow?" Tara said, noticing the distracted look on Willow's face after closing the door.
"Are you okay?"
"Oh… yeah, I'm fine. Listen Tara, what where you listening to earlier, before you opened the door?"
Tara blinked, as she had to wonder what bought the question up. Willow had the ability to change subjects as quickly as her mind could come up with them.
"Just a song I taped a few years back," she answered.
"Oh… that's great," Willow replied seeing the confused look on Tara's face. "I… I caught a little bit of it before I knocked and I wasn't just standing outside your door just to stand there or anything like that. I… the song, it's nice… what I heard of it and I was hoping that it wasn't just something on the radio, 'cause otherwise I'd probably never get a chance to listen for it again, so it's really great that you have it on tape…"
"Willow… breathe," Tara said smiling shyly. She did so *love* listening to Willow… 'Did I just think 'love'? I did… I love when she rambles,' Tara mused.
"Sorry… sometimes I can stop myself before I get to far out of hand," she shrugged grinning, watching as Tara returned the smile.
"Would… would you like to listen to it?" Tara asked.
"You wouldn't mind?"
"Oh… umm… no. It's just that…"
"What?" Willow asked, placing her hand on Tara's arm.
"I… I sorta get carried away when I listen to it," Tara replied, ducking her head.
"Tara, it's okay. Besides, it's your room, you should be able to get carried away in your own room," she said, gently squeezing Tara's arm.
"You… you wouldn't laugh, would you?" Tara said timidly.
"I could never laugh at you Tara, never. Unless you said something funny or just did something so cute that I couldn't help myself and I'm going to stop now... see me stopping."
Tara giggled, she really couldn't help herself.
"Now look who's laughing," Willow said.
"OH... I... I didn't mean..."
"It's okay. It's just us," Willow told her, letting the moment last a few seconds longer. "So... what do I have to do to listen to a song around here," she asked as she moved over to Tara's bed and sat down.
Tara blushed as her thoughts filled with things Willow could do to persuade her. "I'll... I'll just rewind it," she said moving quickly to the radio and rewound the tape.
'I wonder what she was thinking of?' Willow thought noticing the deep blush on Tara's face.
Tara stared intently at the radio and pressed play. "Umm... it... it should start in a few seconds," she said as she turned around and faced Willow.
"Tara don't worry about me, just pretend I'm not here. Okay?" Willow said trying to put the other girl at ease.
"I'll try," she mumbled, knowing it would be impossible, it was like asking the sun not to rise, it couldn't be done.
The music drifted in the background and Willow got more comfortable on the bed. Tara closed her eyes and sang along in her head. Willow watched silently as Tara's expressions changed according to music. Her body began to gently sway and her hand would clench during certain sections of the song.
(And when we touch... There's the warmest glow
Heat in the passion that heaven knows is a dream...
Just for you... You and me)
Tara thought back to each fleeting touch, how their hands seemed to find each other without conscious thought.
(And baby I know...
I've got a real thing...
The love of my life)
'I could only hope,' Tara mused briefly.
(Some one who needs me
and he fills me with pride)
Willow's eyebrows rose as Tara changed the lyrics, so instead of saying he she mouthed the word she.
Now and forever we'll never part
'Cause your the world to me...
Put a move on my heart)
Tara opened her eyes and stared in Willow direction, she continued to sing the song, determined to keep her emotions from pouring forth.
(I've got a real love... Yes I do..)
Willow was amazed, transfixed by Tara's strong emotions the song apparently wrought form her. She could feel goose bumps raise on her arms, and it wasn't strictly because of the singer's voice, though that was a big part of it.
(And you're someone baby...
You're someone baby...
You're someone that needs a true love)
'Let it be me,' Tara wished, unconsciously stepping closer to Willow.
These special feelings...
Time can't erase)
Willow sat up, enthralled, she felt like reaching out to Tara.
(Baby believe me...
This isn't a dream now sugar...
I knew from the start)
"You put a move on my heart," Tara sang out loud.
Willow sensed that Tara was no longer just singing along, that the lyrics were conveying something they both were too frightened to acknowledge or do anything about.
(Ooh, you went through to my heart
Tara placed her hand over her heart. She knew the moment she opened her eyes and stared into Willow's, that there was no turning back. Whatever happened in the next few minutes, she was going to let Willow know how she felt about her. And if the song just so happened to help, who was she to let the opportunity slip by.
(You got through to my heart baby)
Willow stepped closer, closing the gap between them, until she was standing directly in front of Tara.
"Hold me... Willow," Tara sang changing the lyrics, "Hold me Willow and don't let go."
(I want you to touch me baby)
Willow reached out and caressed Tara's face, mesmerized by the softness she encountered beneath her fingertips.
I want you...
Lay by my side, sugar thrill me tonight)
Willow let her finger trace Tara's lips, she could feel Tara's breathing increase by her gesture.
(I wanna feel you in my arms baby)
Willow saw the question in Tara's eyes and reached out and brought the other girl in for a hug. Tara sighed, she couldn't believe that this was happening.
Not to her.
She didn't feel worthy enough for Willow, but she would bask in this feeling of... love, for that's the only way she could think of it, for as long as she could.
Oh... and you know when I love when you...)
"Love me," Tara whispered, unable to hold the words inside any longer.
"Love me?" Willow asked.
(Ooh... come closer)
"I love you too," Willow replied, feeling the emotions deep inside and finding that something had finally clicked into place.
(I wanna feel your body pressed against mine)
Tara slowly allowed her hands to roam up and down Willow's back, hoping that she wasn't doing anything wrong. She inhaled deeply, taking in the scent that was uniquely Willow.
Willow listened as a verse underscored the singer's voice.
(Baby can't you see...
You and I were meant to be...
Put your hand in mine...
Love me 'til the end of time...
Pulling back slightly, Willow looked into Tara's eyes and whispered, "Hold me... love me."
"'Til the end of time," Tara replied, sealing the promise with a kiss.
Willow knew that this song had just become her favorite of all time as she returned the kiss.
|A. M. Glass||Buffy||Main Index|