Not Now

Title: Not Now.

Author: A.M. Glass

Rating: PG-13/R

Television Show: HEX

Pairing: Thelma/Cassie

Disclaimer: The characters, Cassandra “Cassie” Hughes, Thelma Bates, et al, belong to Julian Jones and Lucy Watkins and Sky One. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.

Author’s Note: After watching the premier episode I’d started writing a story, but it didn’t go as planned – but as luck would have it, another idea came my way. I do “borrow” a conversation from the show written by Julian Jones for the story. The story switches POV’s – hopefully I’ve written it well enough as to not be confusing.

Program Information: If you aren’t aware, Hex, is a British television program that lasted approximately two series (seasons). It’s not quite in the style of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” although it does involve witchcraft, amongst other things. BBC America is airing the show. Please consult your local listing for times and dates. For those of us on the West Coast, it’s on at 10pm, Thursday nights, repeating at 9pm Sundays, PST.

Feedback: Oh yes please.

Special Thanks: To my beta reader, Mangababe who cleared up a few things here and there and helped me make this a better story.

No! No! Not again – I shouldn’t have followed – damn it! Thelma could feel her heart breaking a little more as she turned around and left Cassie speaking to Troy in the bathroom.

* * *

Oh God! Not now! Cassie panicked as she noticed Thelma’s reflection in the bathroom mirror. She wasn’t there for long before she left. I have to go after her!

* * *

“This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? A bit of control, that’s why you like me,” Thelma said as they walked outside, the party long forgotten.

“Thelma...” Cassie tried to interrupt. I can’t defend myself – she’s right.

“Well it’s true, you think you can do what you like with me because you know how I feel about you.”

“I feel the same way about you,” Cassie responded instantly.

“I know you do,” Thelma replied.

Cassie smiled somewhat hesitantly as she realized what she’d said. “Well, maybe not, quite, the same way.”

“I don’t believe that. All those things you said, why do you say them if you don’t mean it?”

Cassie looked at Thelma puzzled. “What things?”

“About giving up blokes!”

Oh, those things. What do you want me to say? Why do you want me to face something I can’t begin to understand? Cassie thought. “We were having a laugh,” she explained.

“You were,” Thelma said before leaving. She sat down at a nearby bench knowing Cassie would follow and knowing this would not end here. It had gone too far to pull back. She couldn’t allow Cassie to use her this way – no matter how much she loved her. She was better than this.

Don’t leave me Thelma, please. Thank God she’s decided to sit down. “Please don’t get like this,” Cassie said as she reached the bench, wanting to take Thelma in her arms and hold onto her – but she couldn’t.

“You flirt with me, you know that,” Thelma begins, looking at Cassie.

I guess I do, I mean... Cassie concedes to herself.

“You – play with me because you enjoy feeling you’ve got some sort of power over me. Because you think I’m some sort of loser – more of a loser than you are and that makes you feel better about yourself.”

“No...” You’re not a loser – never! How can you think that Thelma!

“But the real truth, is you can’t admit to your feelings for me – we both know what I’m talking about – the difference is, you can’t deal with it.”

“We’re best mates, we always will be.” Why on Earth did I say that?

I can’t believe she said that. Thelma thought. “You don’t get it, do you?” She couldn’t stay. She couldn’t let Cassie see her cry. She couldn’t. She got off the bench and ran from the woman she loved. Maybe later, when things cooled down, when she had a chance to think, maybe she’d go back to the dorm and they could talk.

If things didn’t work out, she’d have to leave the dorm. She couldn’t stand living with Cassie knowing she would never return the feelings, affections she felt for her.

She’d rather die first.

“Thelma... Thelma listen wait.”

Her tears blinded her as she ran. Hearing Cassie’s voice, calling out to her tested her resolve, tested her ability to think of herself first. She had to keep going. She had to.

* * *

I should go after her. Cassie decides and before she can take a single step, she has this dreadful feeling she’s being watched. She slowly turns her head. It’s him! Who the Hell is he! Her thoughts are disturbed as a couple walks by and when she looks back – the mysterious stranger’s gone.

She rushes down the street, hoping she’ll catch Thelma.

Nothing.

Damn it!

Shoving her hands in her pockets roughly, Cassie decides to head back to the dorm. Maybe Thelma’s there?

During the quiet walk back, Cassie has time to think about the row she had with Thelma earlier.

“This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? A bit of control, that’s why you like me.”

“No,” she whispered, her breath clearly visible in the night air. “That’s not why.” Cassie looked up, the stars shone brightly. “You don’t understand Thelma. Maybe you’re right, I can’t deal with my feelings, but I want to Thelma, I want to.”

* * *

“Damn her for making me feel this way,” Thelma mutters to herself as she slows down. She looks behind her and could see Cassie rushing in her direction. Not wanting to be caught, Thelma ducks into an alley and holds her breath. Her heart beats furiously in her chest as she waits. “Come on already,” she whispers, as Cassie doesn’t show.

Thelma decides to take a peek, her curiosity getting the better of her. Practically molding herself to the alley wall, she slowly looks around.

Cassie’s nowhere to be seen.

“Figures,” Thelma says out loud.

There was a small part of her that thought perhaps Cassie would still be looking for her.

Still calling out her name.

Still trying to stop her from going.

Something.

Anything.

It hurt.

Badly.

Maybe she decided to try her luck with Troy again. She thought morosely.

Thelma took a deep breath and settled herself. She couldn’t go back to the dorm – not yet.

* * *

Cassie stood in front of the dorm room door she and Thelma shared, she hesitates momentarily before reaching out for the door handle.

The door opens slowly – Cassie peeks in and frowns, Thelma’s not here.

Pushing the door open completely, she steps inside. “Thelma?” she whispers. “I’m such a stupid cow – it’s not like she can hide anywhere,” Cassie mutters to herself as she looks around the room. She plops down on her bed.

She shrugs off her coat, letting it fall to the floor. Cassie looks at the clock – it’s past 2am. She was getting worried – it’s not like Thelma to stay out this late.

And it’s not like you had anything to do with this isn’t it? Her inner voice chided her.

Cassie rubs her face. She wasn’t going to fall asleep before Thelma returned and they had a chance to talk, a chance to explain herself.

“Hurry home Thelma,” Cassie whispered into the silent night.

* * *

“Thelma!” Cassie cried out as she woke. She shook her head – not only to chastise herself but to also clear her mind of the nightmare she’d experienced, holding on to Thelma, as she died in her arms – no! It was only a nightmare, that’s all, nothing else.

She looked over at Thelma’s bed – it was still empty, which made her body shiver as the remnants of the dream still affected her.

How could she have fallen asleep? Why didn’t she try harder – she should have gone after Thelma, she shouldn’t have given up so quickly.

Stupid Row.

“Thelma’s right. I used the fact she’s loves me,” Cassie said out loud.

“It’s nice to hear you admit it.”

Cassie quickly looked at the door – “Thelma!” She cried out as she shoved her blankets out of the way and rushed to the door – only to stop suddenly. “You’re back,” she said nervously.

“Yes I am,” Thelma said as she shut the door behind her. “Excuse me.” Thelma moved as Cassie stepped aside. She walked to her bed.

Cassie followed, not sure of what to say or what to do.

“Are you going to stand behind me all day?” Thelma asked, while taking her coat off and laying it at the foot of her bed.

She hadn’t looked at Cassie since entering the room – she wasn’t sure if she could handle seeing her.

Not yet.

“Oh, no. Of course not,” Cassie replied dejectedly. She had noticed the way Thelma was avoiding her.

Thelma got her bathroom kit, her robe and said, “Excuse me,” and left the room.

Cassie sat on her bed and waited for Thelma to return.

* * *

“Why did she have to be awake?” Thelma asked her self as she finished brushing her teeth.

She had hoped, as the lights were off, that Cassie was asleep – that she wouldn’t have to deal with her – not now, not yet.

Her emotions were in turmoil and to see Cassie waiting up for her was almost more than she could take.

A part of her brighten inside – “Look, she’s up!” It cried out.

The more practical side of her, the one valiantly trying to protect her heart was instructing her to be strong – ignore her. If she needed to speak with Cassie, don’t say any more than she needed to.

It was this, instinct for survival, which made her grab her kit and head for the safety of the bathroom. But, Thelma knew she couldn’t stay in here forever and the longer it took her the harder it would be to face Cassie.

Taking a deep breath, Thelma settled herself. She knew what had to be done, if not for her sake – then Cassie’s.

* * *

Cassie looked up as the door opened. “Thelma.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m tired and I’ve got early class first thing, so...”

“Yes, of course,” Cassie said. She watched as Thelma undressed and got into bed. “Good – good night Thelma.”

Thelma swallowed as she faced the wall – she wouldn’t let Cassie she how affected she was by the entire situation. She cleared her throat, “Good night.”

Thelma waited a full hour before turning slowly in her bed and looked across the room.

Cassie had fallen asleep.

In the quiet solitude of their room, Thelma let her mind wander. Her thoughts, her body – everything focused on her blonde roommate. She couldn’t fight her feelings for Cassie and there lie the problem.

As long as Cassie denied her feelings...

“Wh-why can’t you love me?” Thelma’s body shook, as the tears she’d so diligently kept back finally broke free.

Cassie was torn – she’d heard Thelma’s desperate plea and her chest ached in response – her breath caught in her throat. Without conscious thought, Cassie got out of bed and went to Thelma.

Tears pricked her eyes as she watched Thelma’s body shake by the force of her tears. “Thelma,” Cassie’s voice broke as she said the other girls’ name.

“Go,” Thelma hiccupped. “Go a-away!”

Cassie shook her head, “I can’t.”

“Ple-please,” Thelma pleaded.

Cassie reached out and took Thelma’s hand in hers and brought it to her lips.

Thelma gasped as she tried to get her tears under control. “Don’t,” she warned.

Cassie looked deeply into Thelma’s eyes and wondered why she was so stunned by the depth of emotion she saw in them.

Why had it taken her so long to see what was in front of her? Why had it taken seeing Thelma’s tears, her pain, for her to realize they weren’t best mates.

They could never be just best mates.

Cassie knew this with a certainty – a clarity that shook her very foundation.

The hugs, the touches, the concern, everything Thelma had shown her finally fell into place as she thought about them.

When Thelma rushed to her side after her nightmare and gathered her in her arms, Cassie could feel the energy passing between them. How close they were. How simple – how easy it would have been to lift her chin up and kiss Thelma.

“Don’t do this to me... I won’t survive.” Thelma cried.

Cassie remained silent – Thelma’s hand firmly in hers.

“Let go!” Thelma said as she tried to pull her hand free from Cassie’s grip.

Cassie refused and held tighter. She instinctively knew if she did, Thelma would be lost to her forever and that was more than her heart could take.

Anger bubbled up in Thelma as she pushed herself up into a seated position. “Let go of me!”

Before Thelma was aware of it, Cassie had pressed her lips against hers. She tore her mouth away. “What the Hell do you think your doing?!” She shouted, all the while missing the feel of Cassie’s lips on hers.

The witty retort died on Cassie’s lips. She couldn’t joke this away - she had gone too far. Cassie found she wasn’t repulsed – disgusted or that she felt shame after kissing Thelma. What she found was she wanted to do it again.

She wanted to feel the tingle that began at her lips and traveled like a bolt of lighting through her body and nestled between her legs.

“What are you doing?” Thelma asked as Cassie got into bed with her. “What about Troy!”

“Thelma...” Cassie whispered as she thought about her attraction for Troy and except for this brief introspection – she was pleased to find she hadn’t thought about him at all.

“What!” She couldn’t understand what was going on. Earlier Cassie had made it quite clear where she stood.

“We were having a laugh. We’re best mates, we always will be.”

This was no laughing matter.

Cassie had kissed her – a bit roughly for her taste, but with a bit of practice... What the hell was she thinking?

Thelma’s heart reacted before her brain could. She closed her eyes as Cassie kissed her again.

This time was different – Cassie wasn’t kissing her roughly – making her presence known.

This time, it was gentle – hesitant – arousing.

Thelma moaned when Cassie nibbled on her bottom lip, tracing it with her tongue.

Cassie caressed Thelma’s face and as the kiss deepened, the urge to lie down – to get closer to Thelma rose.

Thelma knew she should stop this, if she didn’t she would lose herself. This wasn’t some sort of school fling, some quick shag and that was it.

Cassandra Hughes had managed to “reach in and put a string of lights around my heart”; as she recalled a line from the movie “Desert Hearts.” And there was nothing she could do about it.

She gasped as she felt Cassie’s hand drift down her chest – she finally broke away. She stared at Cassie in both shock and confusion. “I thought you’d never done this before?” She couldn’t help but ask.

“I haven’t,” Cassie replied, her chest heaving.

“You may say you haven’t, but your hand,” the words hung in the air as Cassie cupped her breast. “You’re – you’re hand says – yes – oh God, yes!” Thelma moaned as her Cassie’s thumb circled her nipple.

Cassie couldn’t help but smirk.

She thought she had begun to understand power; with her ability to make things happen with her mind, but she had no real concept of what true power was until she heard Thelma’s impassioned moan.

Until she watched Thelma close her eyes – bite her lip and arch her back.

This – was power - in its truest form.

This - was power - she wanted to give to Thelma.

“Oh God!” Thelma moaned as Cassie’s fingers did wonderful things to her breast. And through the haze she found herself engulfed in – Thelma’s inner voice, her protector against everything except Cassie, reawakened with a vengeance.

Oi! Oi! Get a grip! And I don’t mean where your hand’s moving to... hey! Thelma Eugenia Bates!!! What the fuck are you doing!!!

Cassie was startled as Thelma stopped her explorations, “What’s,” she gasped, “What’s wrong?” She licked her swollen lips.

Thelma gulped deep breaths of air. Her chest was heaving and her heart beat wildly. There was simply no bigger mood killer than hearing her full name being spoken – even if she was the one talking.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Thelma said.

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Thelma shook her head. “Absolutely not. You,” she tucked a loose strand of hair behind Cassie’s ear.

“Tell me please.”

Thelma kissed Cassie, keeping in mind not to let it escalate. “We can’t,” she whispered, resting her forehead against Cassie’s.

“Why not? I don’t understand. Isn’t this something we both want?”

Thelma pulled away slightly. “That’s just it. Up until a few minutes ago...” Had it only been a few minutes? She asked herself. “Up until a few minutes ago,” she repeated. “We were simply, best mates.”

Cassie winced as her words were thrown back at her.

“Now all of a sudden, we’re snogging and your hand,” she squeezed the one that had been fondling her earlier. “It’s copping a feel - granted a good one, but nonetheless, what’s going on?”

Cassie wondered when this might happen. She didn’t think she’d get so far before Thelma asked. “Do you remember that night, when I had the nightmare?” she asked.

“Yeah, you were really scared.”

“I was,” Cassie agreed. “Until I was wrapped in this loving embrace - something that both comforted and scared me.”

“Scared you? I scared you?”

“Let me finish. I... felt so safe, in your arms Thelma,” Cassie whispered. “I knew nothing could touch me - you would protect me...”

“I would have!” Thelma exclaimed.

“I know. You, Thelma Bates are my dyke in shining armor,” Cassie smiled.

Thelma smiled briefly before frowning. “Then, why were you scared?”

Cassie leaned against the headboard. “You’ve always known you’re gay - that you’re a lesbian, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well my errant knight - up until this evening, I’d never had feelings - never thought about kissing another woman in my life.”

“All about Troy,” Thelma muttered.

“Yes and I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, you must believe me.”

“I do.”

Cassie breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps things would work out the way they were meant. “I want to show you something.”

“Yeah?”

Cassie laughed at the tone of Thelma’s voice. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Hey! I wasn’t the one copping a feel...”

Cassie smiled. She took Thelma’s hand in hers and placed it on her neck. Where her jugular vein was. “What do you feel?”

“Your pulse, why?”

“I want you to keep it there, okay?”

“Alright.”

Cassie leaned forward and placed her lips against Thelma’s.

Thelma’s eyebrows rose as she noticed the slight jump in Cassie’s heart rate. She moaned as Cassie kissed her again, this time tongues slid against each other. When Cassie broke the kiss, Thelma was astonished by how much stronger Cassie pulse rate had increased.

After a few minutes, it went back to normal.

“Could you feel that?” Cassie asked.

Thelma nodded.

“When I touch you,” Cassie reached out and cupped Thelma’s breast once more, simply holding it. “Can you feel it?”

Thelma swallowed as Cassie’s pulse rate raced beneath her fingertips.

“Can you feel it?” Cassie asked again, as she circled around Thelma’s now rock hard nipple.

“Yes...”

Cassie removed her hand from Thelma’s breast, brought it to her lips and kissed it. “Feel what kissing you - touching you has done to me,” she whispered, as she placed Thelma’s hand on her breast.

“Oh my God!” Thelma exclaimed, as she felt Cassie’s breast for the first time, her nipple rock hard.

“Oh yes...” Cassie moaned, her back arching.

Thelma couldn’t help but squeeze Cassie’s nipple between her fingers.

“Oh...”

Oh God, she’s making me wet, Thelma thought as she continued to fondle Cassie’s breast.

“Thelma...” Cassie groaned.

“Hmm...”

“We have to stop.”

“What?” She asked as she automatically stilled her fingers.

“If... if we don’t stop... if I touch you - kiss you one more time, I won’t be able to stop myself.”

Thelma slowly removed her hand

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” Cassie said. “I can’t.”

“Right - I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” Thelma nodded. It would have been a mistake to continue, Thelma mused.

It wasn’t the right time.

It wasn’t the right moment.

“Cassie - Cassandra.”

“Yes.” This was the first time she’d ever heard Thelma saying her name that way before.

“Could we sleep together?”

“What? I thought...”

“Hold up - it’s not what you think,” she said. “Can we sleep in the same bed? That’s all. Can I hold you through the night? Will you let me wake in your arms?”

Cassie smiled. “I’d like that Thelma.”

Thelma quickly kissed Cassie’s cheek. “Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you.”

“You can - much later,” Thelma joked.

“Goof.”

Once they’d situated themselves, Cassie’s head resting in the crook of Thelma’s shoulder, their hands intertwined, Thelma said. “I’d... I’d like to take you out.”

“On a date?” Cassie asked.

“Yeah. I... I want you to know I’m not after your body.”

“Hey!”

Thelma laughed. “Okay, not just after your body,” she corrected as she kissed the top of Cassie’s head.

“That’s more like it,” Cassie joked, her eyes closing - it had been a long night.

“So, will you?”

“Hmm?”

“Go out on a date with me?”

Cassie quickly leaned up - touched her lips to Thelma’s before settling back down.

“Was that a yes?”

“Yes,” Cassie replied as she rubbed her cheek against Thelma’s chest. “Sleepy,” she muttered as her body finally wound down from the hectic pace it had gone through.

“Good night Cassie,” Thelma whispered as she held on tighter.

“Night.”

As Cassie slept in her arms, Thelma knew it wasn’t going to be easy. They still had things to talk about - dates to go on.

They needed the chance to get to know one another. She needed a chance to show Cassie how she truly felt for her.

And when the time came, when they took the next step - it would be because they were on the same page, and not because they were trying to prove or disprove anything to anyone.

They would simply be - magic.

“Hmm, I wonder what else Cassie can do with that power of hers,” Thelma muttered as she fell asleep.

The End.