Title: Looking Back

Author: A.M. Glass

EMail: glasswrks@yahoo.com

Copyright: February 21st -, 2004.

Rating(s): PG-13 - NC-17

Chapter 16

“This is it,” Lena said as she parked the car.

They had driven aimlessly around Los Angeles, seeing the sights and giving each other the time to think. They had stopped by the Fashion District in downtown and looked at the many shops. Bianca had told her that on Saturday’s they had a street sale where all the stores would sell their merchandise for about seventy-five percent off.

After purchasing a few things Bianca thought Kendall might like, they drove back.

Bianca stared out the window – her hands clasped in front of her. Lena kept thinking if only she hadn’t gone out this morning they wouldn’t have found themselves in the mess they were in.

“We better get inside,” Bianca said as she stepped out of the car.

Lena nodded.

“They’re new,” Tina said pointing out the couple walking towards the office building, while Bette looked for a place to park.

“Hmm,” she quickly glanced in the direction Tina had pointing to, “Could be. You never know, they might have been here before, maybe they couldn’t make the meetings we’ve been to.”

“You’re right.” Tina watched the other couple stop at the entrance, the taller and from Tina’s vantage point, the older of the two started to reach out before stopping suddenly. Hmm, I wonder what’s going on with them?

“We’re going to be late,” Bette said interrupting Tina’s thoughts.

They both got out of the car and hurried inside, only to bump into the other couple at the elevator. Tina quickly glanced in Bette’s direction she was checking her cell phone for messages.

“Umm... excuse me.”

Lena and Bianca turned their attention to you shorthaired sandy blonde woman. Lena noticed the confused look on the face of the other woman standing next to her.

“Hi... I’m Tina Kinnard and this is my partner, Bette Porter – are you going to Dr. Foxworthy’s couples’ session?”

“Yes we are,” Lena answered. “My name is Lena Kundera,” she held out her hand and shook theirs. “This is my...”

“I’m Bianca Montgomery,” she interrupted.


“Hello,” Bette said shaking Bianca’s hand.

The elevator door opened and both couples stepped inside.

“How far along are you?” Tina asked as the elevator doors closed.

“I’m due any day now.”

Tina placed her hand on her own still somewhat flat stomach and smiled, “I’m about eleven weeks myself.”

“That’s wonderful,” Bianca told her. “Is it your first?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Same here.”

By the time the elevator doors opened again, Tina and Bianca were engrossed in conversation about what it meant when this or that happened. What about weird cravings? Leaving Bette and Lena to fend for themselves.

They walked into the office – Lena could hardly stop from rolling her eyes as she sat in the hard plastic chairs with the other couples in the group.

“Looks like they’ve become fast friends,” Lena heard as Bette sat down next to her.

“Looks like,” she agreed, smiling. It was nice seeing Bianca so excited, smiling and talking about the baby to someone who knew nothing about their past.

“How long have you two been together, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Together? As in a couple?”

Bette speculated what Lena meant by that. “Yes.”

Lena turned towards Bianca. “Officially, only a few weeks – give or take ten months.”

“Ten months?”

Lena returned her attention to Bette, “Yes. Bianca and I have gone through many things to get to where we are today.”

“In Dr. Foxworthy’s office?”

Lena smiled ruefully seeing the humor in it. “There’s no place else I’d rather be than by her side,” she answered. “I only hope I haven’t ruined things. What brings you two here?”

Bette gestured to Tina, “She thought it might be helpful.”

“You don’t sound so sure?”

“Is anyone really sure they’re ready to be a parent?” Bette asked absentmindedly. “We both decided to start a family and when we finally found out she was pregnant... I... I couldn’t be happier. I just don’t think we need to be here that’s all.”

“I wish I could say the same...”

Bette heard the anguish coming from Lena’s voice. “What’s wrong? I don’t mean to be ... Tina and I both noticed that you were distant from each other on the way in.”

“Unforeseen issues have arisen.”

“Bette... honey.”

Bette stood up, “Yeah Tina.”

“I invited Bianca,” she turned to Lena, “And Lena over the house later on.”

”Oh... okay.”

“All right ladies and gentlemen. If you’ll all just take your seats, we’ll get this ball rolling,” Dan Foxworthy said as he rubbed his hands together.

Lena and Bette turned to each other and shared a knowing smile.

* * *

“Hello Marina,” Jenny called out as she walked to the table.

“Hello Jenny...”

“Hey Jen,” Alice tossed out.

“Alice.” Jenny couldn’t look her in the eye – ever since that afternoon Alice had caught them in Marina’s office.

Alice rolled her eyes it wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen two people having sex before.

“I was wondering if we could finish that discussion we were having earlier this morning?” Jenny asked eagerly.

Discussion? Alice mouthed in Marina’s direction, flashing a confused look.

Marina ignored Alice, “Actually...”

“Hey, you know what?” Alice interrupted while standing up. “I’ll talk to you later Marina. We can finish our discussion then. I’ve gotta get in touch with Dana, I need to know if she’s going to the Dinah Shore Invitational or not. See ya!”

“I can’t.” Marina answered Jenny question after Alice had left them.

“You can’t? What’s wrong.”

“There are a few things I have to take care of that are very pressing...”

“Is there someone else?” Jenny asked softly.


“Nothing. Never mind. You know,” Jenny said as she started to walk away, “I’m going home. Call me when you’ve dealt with your problems.”

Marina knew Jenny was right. She had to deal with the situation before it got completely out of hand.

The only problem was – she needed Lena to do it.

”That was interesting,” Lena said as the group broke up.

“Are you sure Melissa recommended him?” Bianca asked as she stood up.

“Yes. She did say they went back a long time.”

“She doesn’t make you do this does she?”

“No. It’s more of a one – to – one, but that’s not the case right now.”

“Bianca... Lena...”

They both turned.

“Hey, do you still feel up to coming over? I know it was a lot to take in at first – group and all, but I was hoping...” Tina asked.

“It’s up to you,” Lena told Bianca. “If you’re tired, I’m sure they’ll give us a rain check.”

“Of course,” Bette replied.

* * *

Jenny wrote furiously – the pen gliding across the page as the words flowed from her.


“You know nothing of demons – you haven’t lived. You know nothing of right or wrong,” the chain smoker rattled off as I sat silently in the chair thinking he had no idea of what I knew.

My demon is flesh and blood – its face beautiful, deceitful making me need it all the more.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!!” he screamed – spittle flying from his lips and hitting my cheek.

Repulsed I reach up and wipe it off my face. “FUCK you!” I yell back, struggling to free myself from the non-existent bonds that hold me in place.

“I already have,” he states calmly as his face melts, transforms and within seconds my demon is standing in front of me – enticing me, beckoning me to join her – to experience her flesh.

To lose myself in her.

Never to escape her clutches.

Leaving my soul empty – hollow.


“Shit!” Jenny cursed as she pushes away from the desk. Get out of my head! Let me work in peace!

The only person she could talk to about her work was also the person who invaded it.

“Marina,” she whispered as she thought about her demon.

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Lena asked one last time as she started the car.

“I’m positive. I’m a little tired – but I’d like to speak with Tina a little longer.”

“Okay then... as soon as we get back to the hotel room, I’m drawing you a bath.”


“I’m sorry about what I did earlier.”


“When you were introducing me...”

Lena thought back when it hit her. “Ah... it’s okay, I understand.”

“No you don’t. I shouldn’t have done that, I... I couldn’t stop myself and when I saw that I’d hurt you...”

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not. You have to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Forgiving me all the time. I’m not a saint.”

“I never said you were.”

“But you act like it – Lena, if you had done that I would have been pissed off. I would have pulled you to the side and demanded to know what the hell that was all about.”

“You’re right.”

“You’re doing it again.”

“No. There’s a difference. I’m agreeing with you, that’s all,” Lena shook her head. “I’ve tried and I’ve tried to be what you need me to be, to be the kind of person that’s worthy enough to share your life, to share Miranda’s life. It never seems to be enough. I hate that Marina has done this to us... that I’ve done this to us. I don’t want to walk on eggshells anymore. I love you – that’s all there is to it. Take me as I am now Bianca. I can’t change anymore. I won’t. I... would be devastated if we weren’t together. I would feel as if my heart was torn in two, but I would go on. I’d have to. You’ve shown me how to love Bianca – now I need to know how to live.”

Silence permeated the car.



“I don’t think we’ll have to see Dr. Foxworthy again. I might want to see Melissa when we get back... if that’s okay with you?”

“You may need to ask her...”

“I don’t want to lose you, not now. Not ever. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life as long as you want to be.”

“Are you sure?”


“That could be a very long time.”

“The longer the better. I love you Lena,” Bianca said as she pulled Lena closer and kissed her long enough to satisfy her need for her.

Lena slowly opened her eyes. What was she thinking – Marina was a part of her past. One she’d never forget, but this was her present, her future. “I love you too. You’d better call Tina and let her know we’re ready.”

“Right.” Bianca pulled out her cell phone and dialed Tina’s number, “We’re all set.”

“Great. Just follow us and if we lose you, just call and we’ll give you directions.”

“Good enough, see you soon.”

* * *

“Hello Tim, is Jenny there?”

“Hey Marina, hold on. Hey! Jen! Phone. She’ll be right with you.”

“Thank you Tim.”

“I’m going to go out for a while. I won’t be long,” Marina heard him say as he put the phone down.




“I need to see you.”

Jenny waited until Tim walked out, “Do you want to come over now?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Have you taken care of your problems?”

“It’s one of the reasons I need to talk to you.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Thank you Jenny.”

“Don’t – you might regret saying that later – bye.”


Marina had decided to tell Jenny what was going on and it couldn’t wait until the morning.

Chapter 17

Tina and Bette waited while Lena and Bianca joined them after parking their car.

“Something’s changed,” Bette murmured as she noticed how attentive Lena had become to Bianca.

“You see it too?” Tina asked as she witnessed the smile appearing on Bianca’s face when she took Lena’s hand in hers and walked towards them.

Bette nodded.

“I’m glad you two were able to come over after all,” Tina said as they walked to the front door.

“I know that Bianca is very happy to have met you both – especially you Tina,” Lena said before adding, “I’ve also enjoyed being in Bette’s company.”

They all laughed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way,” Lena apologized.

“Don’t worry about it, I understood,” Bette told her.

“Come on in, take a seat,” Tina said as she opened the front door.

“Would either of you like something to drink?” Bette asked as she closed the door behind them.

”Milk... if you have any.”

“Okay... Bianca what would you like?”

“I’ll have some water please. I really shouldn’t...”

“Why not?” Bette asked.

“Bathroom,” Bianca and Tina answered simultaneously.

“Miranda is pushing on Bianca’s bladder...”


“We haven’t gotten to that phase yet,” Tina explained.

“If you’ll excuse us,” Bette said as they went into the kitchen.

Tina opened a kitchen cabinet and took out four glasses while Bette got the bottled water and milk.

“Milk?” She asked as she poured.

“Maybe she doesn’t drink,” Tina replied.

“Maybe,” Bette answered as she put the carton back in the refrigerator.

Lena noticed Bette’s questioning look when she gave her the glass of milk. “Ah... I bet you’re wondering about this?” she asked as she held up the glass.

“Well... yes I am,” Bette replied. “You don’t seem like a milk drinker to me.”

“As Bianca can not have anything alcoholic to drink... and I am driving...” she paused. “I see you’re not buying that.”

Bianca reached out and placed her hand on Lena’s knee. “Actually... it’s a craving.”

“What about cravings?” Tina asked as she sat down.

“Bianca’s ob/gyn told me that I should expect to go through some of the same symptoms as Bianca...”

“You’re telling me I have milk to look forward too?” Bette asked.

“For me, it’s milk. I find that I need to have a glass every now and then.”

“I can’t wait to see this,” Tina said smiling lovingly to Bette.

“Would you like a tour of the house?” Bette asked after they had finished their drinks.

“Please,” Bianca answered.

As they walked around the house, Lena and Bianca were both taken by the sense of home they felt.

“I love this place,” Bianca told Lena as they stepped out into the backyard and took a seat by the swimming pool.

“I do to. I feel very safe here. Perhaps when we get to Pine Valley I should look into the real estate situation.”

“Maybe I could help?” Bianca asked.

“Of course.”

“Well... what did you think?” Tina asked.

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s truly lovely,” Lena replied.

“Thank you. We’re partial to it ourselves.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask, what do you do Bette?”

“I’m the curator at the C.A.C.”

“Oh my God...”

“What is it?”

“Bianca was saying that she wants to go there before we head back home,” Lena explained.

“Really?” Bette asked smiling.

“Oh yeah. I’ve heard so much about it...” Bianca practically gushed.

“You’ll have to let me know before you leave, I’ll give you a private tour.”

“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much Bette,” Bianca said.



“Would you mind if I borrowed Bianca for a little bit. I thought I’d show her some of the things we’ve gotten for the baby.”

“Of course not Tina,” she answered as she stood up and helped Bianca out of the chair. “Have fun,” she whispered.

“You know I will,” Bianca said as she kissed Lena on the cheek. “Lead the way.”

Lena watched as they entered the house and were out of sight before sitting back down.

“You love her a lot don’t you.”

Lena smiled. “She... she taught me how to love again. It’s something I can never repay her for.”

“Excuse me for saying this, but you two seem different – settled somehow. I, that is Tina and I noticed that wasn’t the case earlier this evening.”

“You’re right,” Lena acknowledged. “We talked – we’re still talking things out. We both believe that we are going to make it – that we’ve been through so much already, that we deserve to be together. As long as we’re honest with each other... that was a big problem for us in the past.”


“Yes. When Bianca and I first met... I wasn’t exactly honest with her. It kept us apart when she found out,” Lena slowly shook her head as she thought about the lies they had told each other. “I never thought... never dreamed that I would fall in love with her, but,” Lena looked back into the house – seeing Tina and Bianca sitting on the bed laughing at something. “She stole my heart and I can say that I’ve never been happier to have been robbed in my life,” Lena concluded as she turned to face Bette once again.

“I didn’t expect to find myself in a relationship, but I knew as soon as I kissed Tina... this was what I was waiting for. She was the one. It doesn’t mean that there hasn’t been some uncertainty on my part. Can we make it where others haven’t? How long will we be together,” Bette said as Lena nodded.

“I’ve felt the same. I wasn’t sure if I was good enough for her. Her mother,” Lena sighed briefly. “She absolutely hated me once she found out about us. I was too old for her daughter... that I couldn’t be trusted. We’ve come to a somewhat peaceful truce for the moment. She knows what I would do to protect Bianca... how much I love her.”

“I can tell. You’re eyes light up when you look at her.”

Lena blushed.

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean...”

“It’s okay.”

“Tell me Lena... did you two have any problems finding a donor? We were having the...” Bette trailed off, she stood up and quickly went to Lena’s side. “Lena... hey... are you okay?” Lena’s face had gone deathly pale.

* * *

“Oh... these are soo cute,” Bianca said as she held up the pj’s with the teddy bear design.

“I found them at Baby ‘r Us and I had to buy them, I couldn’t help it.”

Bianca smiled knowingly. She had done the same thing, she had bought clothes she was sure Miranda would grow out of before she knew it. “Are you going to have natural childbirth?” she asked as she looked at the other baby clothes.

“I’ve decided to use a birthing tank.”

“I thought about that for all of a minute or two,” Bianca chuckled.

“I was scared about the whole thing, but the more I read about it, the more it appealed to me. I’m having it delivered next week.”

“You’ll have to tell me how it went – I’m sticking with natural childbirth.”

“I will. Maybe... when the time comes, you two can come back out with the baby?” Tina asked.

“I’d love to. I’m sure Lena would enjoy coming back. She seems to like Bette.”

“They do get along.”

“Lena doesn’t have many friends,” Bianca said as she smoothed out the material of the blanket she had in her hands. “The few she does have... she’d do anything for them.”

“Bette’s the same – the part about doing anything for them. I wish you could have been here a few weeks ago when we were trying to help our friend Dana…”


Tina and Bianca looked at each other before rushing out of the bedroom and hurrying outside.

* * *

Marina parked her car. Taking a deep breath she got out and started walking to Tim and Jenny’s house. As she neared it, she noticed that Bette’s car was in the driveway. She decided that she would pay them a visit before leaving.


She stopped, looking for Jenny.

“Over here.”

She spotted Jenny at the entrance to her studio. “Hello Jenny,” she said as she reached her.

“Come on in. I’m not sure how long Tim will be out.”

“I understand.”

As Marina begin walking inside, she caught a glimpse of Bette talking to someone in the backyard. Perhaps she would call before going over.

“What did you want to talk about?” Jenny asked as she sat down on the bed.

“I need to talk to you about my past – about someone I knew long ago.”

“Is it the reason you’ve blew me off earlier this afternoon?”

Marina flinched. Jenny was right. Not including what had taken place in her office earlier this morning she had been brushing Jenny aside. “Yes.”

Jenny closed her eyes. She had known there was something wrong, she felt it. “Why don’t you start from the top.”

Marina took a seat. “It started twenty years ago, in Poland...”

Jenny listened quietly as Marina explained what had happened between her and this Lena person.

Marina had been speaking for ten minutes when Bette’s voice shattered the still night.


Chapter 18

“Jack please, I don’t want to discuss this anymore,” she said as she walked to the fireplace.

“Erica sweetheart, you have got to stop trying to talk Bianca into giving up the baby. It’s not going to work.”

Erica turned around, eyeing him, “Did she tell you to come over and change my mind? It won’t happen.”

Jackson Montgomery closed his eyes. He loved Erica Kane more than he ever thought he’d ever love anyone, but there were times when his patience was stretched thin. He took a deep breath – he knew trying to pressure her into something she absolutely did not want to do would just make her push back harder.

It was one of the things he loved about her. She could take adversity and turn it in her favor. This wasn’t one of those times however.

“No Erica... it’s wasn’t Bianca.”

“It was Kendall wasn’t it,” she huffed. “Kendall is always scheming...” she began pacing the penthouse floor.

“Listen to me...” he said cutting her short.

“Alright,” she replied as she stopped pacing and sat down on the sofa. She had heard that tone of voice before and knew it would be in her best interest to sit down and hear him out.

“Darling... it wasn’t Kendall,” he held up his hand. “Sweetheart, I know you’re doing this because you’re concerned for Bianca...”

“Of course I am,” she replied standing up quickly. “I’m her mother. I love her.”

“I know that, Bianca knows that,” he said as he sat her down once more and took her hand in his, his thumbs gently rubbing the back of her hands. He looked her straight in the eyes, “It was Lena.”


Jackson held her hands tightly – recognizing that this is one of the moments Erica would begin to pace. It was one of the ways she expressed herself – one of the ways she got rid of her nervous energy.

“Honey, Lena called me, she’s concerned...”

“Is something wrong with Bianca? Is my baby alright?” she asked searching his face for any signs of bad news.

Jack smiled briefly. It was just like Erica to dismiss everything and everyone else when it came to Bianca. “No, she’s fine...”

“Why is Lena concerned then?”

“It’s the phone calls...”

“What? Is there some law saying I can’t call my daughter?”

“No, there isn’t. There wouldn’t be a problem if you were only calling to check up on her.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Erica... you have got to know how upsetting it is for Bianca to hear you tell her to give up her child for adoption...”

“She doesn’t understand what this will do to her...” Erica countered.

“Bianca isn’t you. She has something or rather someone you didn’t have Sweetheart.”


“Yes. Bianca has Lena. Not only does she have Lena’s love, she also has her support. You’ve seen them lately. They’re reconnecting after so long, I can only hope when they come back from their trip, that I’ll have another niece...” He smiled.

“You really like her don’t you Jack.”

He nodded. “Yes, Erica I do. I have a feeling that you do as well. We know the lengths Lena will go to protect the ones she loves. Granted it’s been a rocky road for all of us, but I do know one thing. Lena loves Bianca with everything she has. Frankly, that’s good enough for me.”

“I don’t know if I can see the baby and not see him,” Erica looked away momentarily. “See what he did. I’m scared Jack,” she admitted reluctantly. “When... when Bianca told me... when she came out, I thought I had done something wrong, that I hadn’t been a good enough mother. Somehow I was being punished for all the things I had done in my life.”


“No, it’s true. I never really accepted Bianca’s... her choice in... All my dreams of becoming a grandmother one day had gone up in smoke.”

“You still have that chance. Don’t let it slip away. You have so much love in you, that it would be a downright shame if you didn’t share it with the baby.”

“It’s not the way I wanted, or wished.”

Jack took Erica into his arms and held her tight as he kissed the top of her head. “Sweetheart, I wish I could tell you everything was going to be okay. I can’t. Don’t you think that Bianca has had to think about this as well? How hard this has been on her? Yet, she still wants to raise Miranda, she wants to love her baby. She’s so strong and do you know where she got that strength, hmm? You. You gave it to her. She has seen you go through so much and still come out on top. Erica, I need you to think about this – don’t look back and regret all the time you’ll have missed. Who’s going to teach Miranda how to shop huh? Who’s going to tell her all about her great grandmother? All the things that Bianca doesn’t know yet?”

“Oh Jack,” Erica said through her tears. “I... I won’t promise anything. I can’t.”

“I know. All I’m asking is that you at least try – not only for Bianca’s sake, but yours as well.”


“That’s my girl,” he said as he kissed her temple. “Now Erica, I don’t want you to tell me something merely because you think its what I want to hear.”

“What do you mean?” Erica asked coyly.

“You can play this off, but remember this: you’re relationship with Bianca is in danger. If you keep pushing... you’ll end up pushing her away.”

Erica nodded, silently acknowledging his statement.

“It’s getting late. I’m going back home. I’ll call you in the morning,” Jack said as he stood up. “Good night darling.”

“Good night Jack,” Erica replied as she walked him to the penthouse door.

“Get some sleep Honey,” he said before kissing her and leaving.

Erica closed the door behind him and walked back to the sofa. She quickly glanced at the clock. It was still early in California perhaps she’d call Bianca.

Maybe they could talk – really talk when she returned from her trip.

The last thing Erica wanted was to cause Bianca pain. Which wasn’t to say how hurt she had felt after finding out about the pregnancy. No matter how much Bianca and Kendall had tried to explain, trying to show her that they had both hidden the truth to keep Erica from experiencing any more pain, she had been hurt by the deception.

Erica was once again reminded of her own rape and her pregnancy with Kendall. Tears stung her eyes as she looked up.

“Oh Momma... what am I going to do? I’m going to lose her if I haven’t already.”

* * *

Lena could hear voices all around her, surrounding her. She heard Bianca’s voice she was calling her name asking if she was okay.

“I don’t know...”

She thought that was Bette’s voice – she wasn’t sure. She had shut down. It amazed her how quickly it had happened. I’m going to have to speak with Melissa about this, she thought to herself.

“God damn it Lena... talk to me!”

She’s swearing in front of Miranda again.

“Get away from her!”

That voice. I know that voice.

* * *

Bianca had rushed out of the house with Tina close behind her, when she heard Bette’s frantic cry. “Lena!”

“Bette... what's going on!”

Bianca pulled up short as she watched Bette holding Lena - rocking her. “What...”

Bette looked up, she motioned Bianca and Tina over. “I don't know what's wrong... we were talking...” She let go of Lena as soon as Bianca moved closer.

“Lena... can you hear me?” Bianca asked without taking her eyes off her. “What were you talking about?” As Bette explained Bianca kept trying to reach Lena. She reached out to Lena’s shoulders and shook her. “God damn it Lena... talk to me!”

Both Tina and Bette were surprised by Bianca’s outburst.

“What else?” she said turning to their hosts.

“I was asking if you two had any problems getting a donor...”

Bette noticed that Bianca was going through the exact same thing Lena had gone through. What the hell was the problem? Christ I don’t need this now, Bette thought to herself.

* * *

Tina was surprised by the quickness in Bianca’s step as they rushed outside. Lena was sitting down with Bette holding her. Lena’s was face extremely pale, it was almost as if she had received some bad news.

Tina listened carefully as Bette explained to them both what had happened. She watched as Bianca grabbed Lena by the shoulders and told her to talk to her. It wasn’t until Bianca had asked Bette “What else?” that everything had gone to hell.

Bette had just mentioned the donor when Bianca abruptly stopped. She stood there motionless, her hands still on Lena’s shoulders.

“Bianca... are you okay?”

* * *

Marina ran out of Jenny’s studio – paying no heed to Jenny’s shouts. She rushed next door and into the backyard. She saw Bianca grabbing Lena by the shoulders and shaking her. She heard Bianca asking a question, but Marina didn’t care. Something in her snapped.

It didn’t matter to her that Bianca was pregnant. No one treated Lena in that manner.

No one.

“Get away from her!”

* * *

Bette and Tina were both surprised by both Marina’s sudden appearance and her outburst. They recovered as soon as Marina had reached Bianca’s side and grabbed her arms.

“Get away from her!”

* * *

Jenny had made it in time to see Marina grabbing a very pregnant brunette’s arms. She was about to protest when she heard a voice very quietly – almost deadly in a sense say: “Let her go.”

* * *

The voice she had only heard briefly yesterday afternoon cut through the anger she felt in every pore of her body.

It held no warmth – no love.

It was as cold as her heart had been when she had broken Lena’s heart.

* * *

Lena had heard Marina’s voice – had finally recognized it. That alone had not pulled her out of her dazed state.

It was Bianca.

More importantly, it was her gasp of pain.

Lena had heard it before – had been the cause of it – she knew the sound as intimately as she knew Bianca’s body.

That sound, one she promised herself never to cause again had her to her feet and standing next to Marina looking into her face.

“Let her go... now.”

* * *

Marina had not been aware of Lena’s movement, her focus was completely on Bianca.

“She hurt you,” Marina said in Polish.

Lena shook her head, “Not as much as you’re killing me now.” Lena reached out and touched Marina’s face. “If you ever truly loved me... you will let her go. If not... I will hurt you.”

Marina scanned Lena’s features. She could see that Lena was not trying to basically get her to let go of Bianca. She meant what she said. Lena would hurt her in some fashion in order for her to release her hold on Bianca.

* * *

“What the fuck?” Bette said as she and Tina stood by watching as Lena and Marina spoke to each other. She had no idea what they were saying, but she noticed the intensity in Lena’s stare.

It was plainly obvious that they knew each other. It was also obvious by the way Lena’s fists opened and closed that something was going to happen and soon.

* * *

Oh my God – that’s Lena! Jenny said to herself. She was amazed. Marina had described her perfectly. Her face, her eyes and the intensity she had apparently brought to the relationship.

Jenny was at a loss, she wasn’t sure what to do. She had ran after Marina as soon as Marina had left the studio.

They’d both heard Bette’s voice calling out “Bianca.”

She didn’t have a clue as to who that was.

Jenny knew that this Bianca person was important enough for Marina to rush out in the middle of telling her about Lena.

Jenny was startled by Marina’s behavior – she had never seen her so angry before. She had seen Bette and Tina start to move towards Marina, when she heard Lena’s voice cutting through like a knife.

“Let her go.”

* * *

Marina slowly let go of her grip on Bianca’s arms. It suddenly dawned on her what she had done as she watched Lena swoop in and rapidly move Bianca away from her.

“Oh God... I’m sorry... I’m...”

“Not another word,” Lena told her as she led Bianca into Bette and Tina’s house.

“Marina... what the HELL do you think you’re doing!” Tina yelled.

“We’ll take care of this,” Bette told Lena.

“Don’t let her leave. I want to talk to her,” Lena replied.

Chapter 19

“How is she?”

“She’s fine,” Lena answered as she closed her cell phone.

“You know, we could always reschedule.”

“No,” Lena replied as she shook her head. “I want to be done with this.”

Jotting down a few notes, Melissa looks up and notices Lena twisting and playing with the ring on her right hand. “Lena...”


“Are you having second thoughts?”

“Second thoughts? About what?”

Melissa gestured with her pen. “The ring. You’re playing with it.”

Lena looked down and saw that she was indeed playing with it. She stopped. “I guess I’m nervous.”

“It is a big day.”

“Yes it is,” Lena agreed.

“Why don’t we get back to what we were talking about before we were interrupted?”

“All right.”

“Good.” Melissa looked down at her notes once again. “Let’s see... you had taken Bianca into Bette and Tina’s house, correct?”


“Tell me what happened next.”

“I was leading Bianca inside. I could hear Bette and Tina’s voices in the background, but I didn’t pay them much attention. My focus was on Bianca, her well-being.”

Lena carefully maneuvered Bianca into the house – taking her into the living room. “Sweetheart – are you okay?” she asked as she sat Bianca down on the sofa. “Please say something – you’re scaring me,” she said unaware that their positions had been reversed.

“Lena...” Bianca whispered.

“Yes my Angel,” she answered breathing a sigh of relief.

“You should talk to her,” she said as she turned in Lena direction.

“She’s not going anywhere,” Lena told her. “I asked Bette and Tina to make sure of that,” she said looking down the hall. “She’ll pay for what she’s done to you...” she murmured.

“Lena... I hate to interrupt, but I need to ask you something.”

“Of course.”

“Did Bianca tell you how she felt the moment you said that?”

Lena could recall vividly. Bianca had told her that she shivered at the coldness in her voice. That this was a side of her that she had never seen before. How it had been a stark reminder that she still didn’t know everything about her – how she doubted she ever would.

Bianca had explained how she knew that if she didn’t say something the situation would explode. She didn’t want one of the victims to be Lena.

“Yes she did, when we arrived back at the hotel suite.”

“Okay, we’ll get back to that a little later, please continue.”

“You’re going to make her pay for being in love with you?” Bianca asked softly.

“She doesn’t love me,” Lena answered.

Bianca reached out and took her hand in hers and again Lena marveled at how well they fit together.

“It’s amazing,” Bianca said slowly looking up and into Lena’s eyes. “It’s amazing what people will do when they’re in love. They can be moved to accomplish feats they never tried or compelled to do things they know they’d never do in their right minds.”

Bianca’s words found their mark. “She hurt you,” Lena told her.

“Only a little but Lena, she hurt you too. I’ll get over this, you haven’t.”

“Hey Bianca, are you all right?” Tina asked as she entered the living room. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to...”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine,” Bianca replied.

“Are you sure? I mean... we’ve never seen Marina act that way, never.”

Lena could feel Bianca’s stare. “Is she still outside? Has she left?”

“Bette’s with her.”


“I’ll talk to her,” Lena said as she stood up. “Tina, will you look after Bianca for me?”

“Of course I will. I... we… Bette and I can’t apologize enough for what happened. We both want you to know that we understand if you want to call the police.”

“It’s up to Bianca – I will stand by whatever decision she makes,” Lena said. She waited as Bianca thought about it. If she decided to she wanted to press charges, Lena would not try to talk her out of it.

“No. No police, but if she ever grabs me again...”

“She won’t have the chance,” Lena told her. “I’ll be back soon,” she said as she kissed Bianca on the temple.

“I know. I think I owe Bette and Tina an explanation.”

“If you wish.”

“I do.”

Lena bent down and whispered in Bianca’s ear, “I love you more each moment, do you know that?”

Bianca pulled back slightly. “It’s nice to hear.”

“Well then, be prepared to hear it for a long time.”

“I can’t wait,” Bianca replied smiling. “Go on, I’ll be here – waiting for you.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“You’d better.”

Lena reached out and rubbed Bianca’s shoulder. “If you need me – all you have to do is say so.”

“I’ll always need you.”

They kissed briefly. “If you’ll excuse me,” Lena said.

“Okay – so you left the house. What happened next?” Melissa asked.

“I went outside – I saw Bette, Marina and some other woman – they were sitting down. The closer I got to them, the more it became apparent to me that the other woman was the one I had seen come out and greet Marina earlier.”

“The one you became jealous about?”

Lena nodded. “Yes. She’s the one.”

“Is something wrong?”

Lena looked away momentarily. “I’m not proud of most of the things I’ve done in my life – not by... how do you say? Long shot?”


“This... was one of the things I could be,” Lena said, knowing she wasn’t making sense. “I loved Marina with everything I was, but... it... it was too much for her... now...”

“I can guess what you’re going to say next, but that would be too easy for you. Why don’t you tell me?’

Lena was silent as her thoughts jumped from one thing to another. “I... I wonder if the same thing will happen with... Bianca.”

“That’s why you’re playing with the ring. You’re frightened. Although the situation is different, the ring symbolizes a commitment. One you’ve gone through twice, one where you don’t want the same ending.  You’re asking yourself the same question.”

“What’s the answer?”

“I know this may sound trite, but only time will tell. It’s not the best answer, but it’s an honest one,” Melissa looked down at her note pad. “Lena.”


“I want to ask you a series of questions and I want you to answer them with the first thing that pops into your head.”

“Free association?”

“Yes. We’ve done it before. I’d like to do it again.”


“Is the sky blue?”

“Sometimes...? Is that okay?”

Melissa smiled. “There are no right or wrong answers to this. I just wanted to see how you’d respond.”

“Ah... a test question.”

“Exactly. Are you ready for the next ones?”

“Whenever you are.”

“Do you love your mother?”


“Do you love Miranda?”

“Of course.”

“Do you wish you were home?”


“Do you like Kendall?”

“Yes,” Lena answered smiling. This isn’t too bad after all, she thought to herself.

“Do you like Maggie?”

“Nn... yes.”

“Okay... let me try that again. Do you like Maggie?”

“No.” Lena answered shaking her head.

Melissa wrote in the margin of her notebook. “Are you in love?”


“Okay. Why don’t we get back to your meeting with Marina,” Melissa said after asking the last question.


“What’s wrong Lena?”

“Why didn’t you ask me if I love Bianca?”

Melissa put her pen down and leaned forward slightly in her chair. “All right. Do you love Marina?”

“Yes of course... wait,” Lena stopped flustered by her answer, while Melissa leaned back in her chair.

A. M. Glass AMC The L Word Main Index