Title: ďScared Straight: Destination.Ē
Author: A.M. Glass
Copyright: Dec. 10th, 2002
Revised: Jan. 23rd, 2003
Spoilers: For ďScared Straight and Donít Look Back.Ē
Disclaimer: Jordan Cavanaugh, Lisa Fromer, et al belong to Tim Kring, Tailwind Productions and NBC Studios. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.
Pairing: Jordan Cavanaugh and Dr. Lisa Fromer.
Notes: This is the sixth story in the series, the first being ďEasyĒ, followed by ďThe CallĒ, ďAll YoursĒ, ďA Good ReasonĒ and ďThe InvitationĒ. This is also a first person P.O.V. piece.
Thanks My Beta Readers: To Joei, Claire, Myra for going over the story and continuing to make sure I donít butcher Jordanís character.
Feedback: Would be nice, as Iíd like to know if I should continue with this series.
Looking back I knew the trip wasnít going to go like I had thought. To begin with, Lisa had to postpone because she had a family emergency. Then I was called to give testimony in the Orsini case. All in all - the trip that should have happened two months ago... hasnít.
Lise and I havenít seen each other in three weeks. And I hate it.
Woodyís been coming around more than Iíd really like at the moment. I feel like telling him that Iím involved and that he should start looking somewhere else. The thing is... How involved am I?
I know -can feel- that Lisa is more than ready to take the next step, which is logical, given weíve been Ďtogetherí for over five months now. I know the last time I was at her place it was getting harder and harder to pull back when things started becoming intense.
Weíve been dancing around it so much itís almost become a burden.
A burden? Never. I shake my head. If anything it should be... Wondrous?
I havenít told her but Iíve been reading up on certain ... things.
ďIf... no... when!Ē
When it happens I wanna know what Iím doing. Our first time may not be great, but... it wonít be for the lack of knowledge.
Oh God! Iím smirking. I can actually feel myself smirking.
ďAt least those recurring dreams I have donít stop with a kiss now.Ē
Sometimes I wish they would though.
Iím left with such an ache when I wake up! I could take care of if I wanted to. But something inside tells me not to. That I only have to wait... that it will blow me away when we finally get together.
Thatís the optimist in me.
The other half tells me:
ďAre you kidding yourself, Jordan? Do you really think youíll like it? If you do what about Lise? What if you suck, and not in a good way? No matter how many books youíve read or the videos youíve rented that make you rush to the bathroom to take a cold shower, youíll be second best (if that) to Stephanie. Can you compete with a memory?Ē
Oh yeah, my mind is a barrel of laughs.
The last one makes my gut churn.
What if this isnít as important to Lise as itís becoming to me? What if I want more than sheís able to give? Maybe Iím just a diversion... someone to tide her over Ďtil Ms. Right comes along. Itís happens all the time.
ďWhat am I doing?Ē I ask myself.
In all the time Iíve been with Lisa... Lise... sheís been upfront. Sheís never asked for more than I can handle. Hell, there was even the time she pushed me away...
I made her... No... I gave her no other choice.
Of course it was the night I actually felt another womanís breast, for the first time, other than on an autopsy table.
In short, it was ... amazing.
The rush I felt when I heard her gasp! I had done that. My hand had made the wonderful sound come from her. I instantly became determined to hear it again.
We had gotten pretty good at kissing, I think. We were always breathless, that was a fact. Basically, we were making out like two teenagers on her couch. Her hands were in my hair, clenching and letting go...
(Whoa... my heartís beating like crazy just thinking about it.)
My hands were sliding up and down her back, embracing her, feeling the heat of her body next to mine.
We were finally moving apart...
And my hand...
My right one, the one Iím looking at.
The one that has cut into so many people...
It brushed up against the outer swell of her breast.
And thatís when I heard it.
It surprised us both.
I donít know what came over me...
I had to hear it again.
I could feel her heartbeat beneath my fingertips as I watched my hand move towards the front of her chest.
I looked up...
I had to see her face.
I had to know that what I was doing was okay.
Seeing her eyes fluttering...
Watching as she bit her lower lip.
I couldnít help myself.
I zeroed in on her lips as I bent forward and kissed her again.
I felt her body arching...
The fact I was now actively squeezing her breast probably had nothing do with that.
Then it happened.
It was only a split second.
I tensed up.
I felt her hand moving towards my chest...
And I froze.
I donít think Iíd ever noticed a mood change as quickly as it did then.
She asked me to go home.
I wanted to explain.
But it was no use...
I had done something that only Stephanie had been able to do without ever touching her. Iíd hurt her. I hurt Liseísí feelings.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
They say misery loves company...
I donít think anyone at the office loves me at the moment. Iíve been snapping at everyone for the smallest things and I know Iíll have to apologize soon.
But, I felt as if my heart was in a vise and it was being squeezed harder and harder.
I realized last night, when I woke up in a sweat...
(Iíd seen Lisa lying on an autopsy table, with me holding a scalpel ready to cut... Okay, stop it. It was just a dream... Christ.)
I love her.
Iím hoping that she might feel the same about me.
I can only pray that I havenít screwed it up, that the plan Iíve cooked up last minute will work.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
ďItís show time.Ē
|Section 7||A. M. Glass||Crossing Jordan||Main Index|